These are the thought behaviors that helped me with quitting cigs, another addiction and now this PMO. I thought, may be this can help some of you guys in resisting urges, or may be this could give an idea or two to you to figure out your own ways to battle this PMO addiction. Or may be you can share the way that works for you, so that I can add some more weapons to my Arsenal. Apologies for the long description…
- Behavior 1 - Not today
I just keep extending my relapse… Like in game of thrones, what do we say to dealth? NOT TODAY. Instead of today, now I say not till I reach 150. When I reach 150, I say not till I reach 200…it goes on…
- Behavior 2 - For the side effects of PMO (if they happen)
Actually I didn’t even notice when the flatline happened. Or did it even happen? In my view, knowing what happens in the process over complicates things for me. I am like did it come? Or okay it came and left. Oh no, its so hard, m soo moody. So all that is avoidable for me, if I dont associate them with no PMO. If I am moody, or angry, I try to do some fun stuff. Some comedies. I dont really put much attention on feelings. Whatever happens, let it happen. I am quitting and I am going to keep going. One of the reasons why I dont go too deep about chaser effect, all in the head, in my view.
- Behavior 3 - Whatever happens
I Just want go on a long streak not caring what happens to me along the way. I call it, ’ the whatever happens scenario’.
Imagine worst thing that could happen, physical, emotional or external factors , and I say, even if that happens, I would not relapse. So I am essentially eliminating excuses.
- Behavior 4 - The head and the heart
I imagine that we are two people. One is our head, other is our heart. Head is addicted, our heart wants best for us. While head, it just wants its dopamine. So basically it doesn’t listen to us. When the urges hit, our head stops our heart from talking… So only head speaks, even if heart talks, head has counter arguments to make us relapse. Sometimes heart somehow wins (motivation comes in here), but head is way too stronger, it doesn’t give up. So sometimes it doesn’t let heart speak. Then we relapse as we only think of a short term advantage.
Head uses, a lot of stuff, especially our weakness against us to make us relapse. The key is to know how head convinces us, even during an urge even when we are in an actual crisis, A situation where there’s none doing our talks for us. Head even creates actual crisis too, there are countless things it can do. Just know that.
When it happens, I tell my head, dude you are doing it again. Alright, bring it on, just know that, no matter what you say, I am just not relapsing, I know your tricks. So then the head shuts up, heart takes control. Then we feel better that we didnt relapse and overcame an urge. It tries again next time, same thing happens. Sometimes head almost wins but I figure out at the last moment.
Its generally is not a common notion, doesn’t work that way I know but just giving you guys an alternate view.
Or we can think. Head is like a child, it wants what it wants and it shout cries breaks all of it. While the adult which is us have to know its tantrums instead of giving it what it wants.
If we combine head and heart and say I am feeling like relapsing, its hard for me. While I say, okay my head wants dopamine. But as its in my control as it’s a part of my body. So no, not today. Suffer if you want but I am not giving you your dose.
Its just a weird way that works for me
- Why we relapse?
The biggest problem is our error in my view. We take it for granted, we want fun, we cant forsee whats the most important, right now or the future when the urges hit, that is what we should focus mainly on. We have to train our head for that, to notice the longer term plan than the short when shit happens.
- Some Motivation.
when stuff happens, when we got no way out, our bodies are gonna fight like hell for ourselves. Thats the strength of being a human. Nothing can sink us no matter how worst of a situation we are in. The only problem is, us. we can’t seem to believe if we can go through it. We can always go through it if we have resilience, again, lack of that is relapse. Not because we cant, because we wont…
Most of us give up because of urges. I think, without urges, we cant quit any. Its not the urges, its us. We are not still in fighting for ourselves zone yet. Still in a lets see how it goes zone. So we have to tell ourselves repeatedly why its fighting for ourselves zone. Mostly we are in a middle zone where we say it’s fight for ourselves but believe is it so? So we should find right sentences on why it is so, and kind of mediate on it, or tell yourself and believe it (Twist some facts if you want, just enough to help us keep going) So then, we are fighting for ourselves with our backs against the wall, like our lives on the line, and any hurdle seems lesser than our life being on the line.
- How things work for me ?
So, when I want to relapse, i think I have mentioned some contingency plans I bring up to make sure I dont relapse. If one thinking fails, another, if that fails another. So I kinda think these repeatedly at the start and change them sometimes in the middle, when ever I want, such that they help me to quit instead of making me relapse.
So basically I have a long term plan and short-term one sometimes. Longterm 6 months, or 2 years. Some blurry line there but its back of my head, I don’t bring it up, else things become too much overwhelming. But if we dont recognize it, our head keeps saying we are cured after 90 days.
7 day plans till I reach 30 days.
Then,I start 30 day plans till I reach 90.
Then 10 days to reach 100. ( the hardest phase, in my view),
Then 50 days plans, which I am in. So it increases for me. If its weekly plans after 90 days, I have to think about relapsing every one week (Like I said, I just extend the relapse). So I have to challenge myself too. So now, I think about whether I should relapse after 50 days. Once I finish that plan, then again longterm plans comes in. Then I stay on the streak and make new plan, another 50 days hoping may be I could relapse after another 50 days. This repeats. And in between when urges come, I mentioned other stuff, the brain and the heart thing and others. If I mention these general plans after 90 days or after each challenge, my mind convinces that I am cured. Hence we need the long term mindset too. And the whatever happens scenario is always on my mind, every single day, urges or not.