I had a relapse today, but I’m proud of my efforts, I went 9 days, my best effort I’ve done in a few months, I’ve been having trouble going a week without pmo.
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Hey guys, so im currently like 11 days in, which is the longest I’ve been in the past 2 to 3 months, I want to thank everyone who helped me during these tough times, especially you @Forerunner. When I wrote that post about being a coomer, it was after publishing it that my mindset shifted, while I’ve still been relapsing alot, ive been busy working out how to destroy that evil monster in my head. It has taken real determination to get this far ,these past few days have not been easy, my urges are strong and almost relapsed a few days prior, but because I was relapsing alot this is to be expected. I will make it.
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Keep going brother. Good to hear that your mindset has changed since then.
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So I’m like 2 weeks in now, the longest I’ve been in months, these past few days were getting extremely unbearable for me as my urges were getting stronger and stronger, soon it started to feel like I couldn’t hold on any longer, and last night I fought about giving in just to get rid of the pain I couldn’t fight anymore. Fortunately however I put my phone down and chose to go to sleep, and when I was asleep I had a dream of myself relapsing and after my relapse I could feel that dull feeling after climax, not just that however, but people around me could tell something was not right, and that something seemed off about me. I woke up a short time later, for a second it felt real, but then I realized that this all happened when I was asleep and I never actually gave in, I looked in my underwear, and there was a mess, turns out I had a wet dream, I felt this feeling of relief and excitement. I’m proud because I rode through these unbearable urges til it almost felt like I couldn’t hold on any longer, and now that this wave has disappeared, I feel stronger and the urges power over me has decreased.
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Day 2. I relapsed after 2 weeks but I’m back up and ready to go again.
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This was just a day of personal reflection following my series of relapses yesterday. My anxiety levels were high, and was tired from being up late the night before. However 2 good things happened today.
- My mind was in analyzing mode, so it meant I was thinking of solutions to prevent my relapses, this is usually a good sign for me.
- When I was getting dinner at McDonald’s, this random cashier who served me was making eye contact with me, I still managed to maintain eye contact despite feeling awkward, but then she smiled at me and I smiled back, all of a sudden I felt less awkward and that smile made me feel better, as I was feeling quite down and depressed today. It’s good to know people actually notice me.
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Today actually turned out quite well, I worked my shift, after work, I got my bicycle out of the garage, and went for a bike ride, I felt present in the moment and was enjoying the Beautiful scenery while biking, I took some photos because there were some very nice views. This is honestly the most present I’ve felt in a long time, it felt amazing, I was sitting at a bench and was embracing the moment. I’ve been quite lost with myself lately because of all the relapses, but being in the present is like a light that helps get rid of the darkness.
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So last night I had 2 relapses, I managed to go 3 days which is better than what I’ve been doing, I’ve been stuck in a 2 day cycle, which I’ve been trying to break. While this time I was making more of an effort I eventually caved, I’ll try again and remember to stay busy and practice meditation.
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A New Video coming soon, in the meantime, check out my other videos on my YouTube channel
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New Video coming!
The new video is here, hope you all enjoy
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