I done some thinking after relapsing again and decided to create a new diary, plus my old diary is dead these days I rarely post there now, this new diary will be like a fresh start for me.
Awesome fresh start
Stay disciplined this time and show that Weakling who’s boss
Way to go yeah…
We can do this
Thanks guys, I’m ready thrash this addiction once and for all.
All the best. Even i starting today. Can we do it together?
I received news that the Queen Died, its sad news, but good news for Charles, to make things sadder all of this happened without my knowledge while I was just sitting there jerking off, I can’t even Express how I feel because I’m so numb, but it’s a new day, new beginning.
I woke up early this morning with the intention of gym, but that didn’t happen I instead had breakfast and got my things ready for the weekend, before going to work I did a 10 minute meditation, it was the first one I’ve done in long time, I actually felt grounded Im still at work rn but I’m going to drive to my parents house once my shift finishes.
I was at the gym for an hour, when I noticed a girl also at the gym that looked somewhere near my age, I wasn’t thinking anything dirty about her, but something in my mind was telling me I should talk to her, I didn’t get to that point though, but I still had a pretty decent workout.
Friday 16th September
Sadly today I relapsed, it caught me off guard, my day was over before it even started, I was in denial and full of regret, I felt like I had lost everything, but then I was sitting outside on the front deck and realized, something, and journaled what I was thinking, Ive copied and pasted what I wrote.
I’m come to accept that Ive relapsed, I was in denial earlier, denial does nothing but puts me at risk of another relapse a.k.a the chaser effect, quick meditation helped me come to terms with it, I then 20 pushups and 20 crunches to help get me back I’m now thinking whether or not I have a cold shower or splash cold water on my face, ive already relapsed and there is nothing I can do to stop it happening, I can’t change the past, but what matters most is the choices I make now, I know I’m not perfect no matter how strong, determined or tough I seem and I stuff up sometimes, but that doesn’t stop me getting out of my bed every day to pursue things that makes me stronger and transform me into a better version of myself. The important thing is coming to terms with things in the past and making the right choices in the present, thats the only way you can really move forward and succeed in life.
For 2 years Ive been on this nofap journey and it’s the first time I realize this.
Day 1 I decided to mow my parents lawn for them they haven’t been mowed for a couple months, I’m about to prune branches and weed the gardens, my parents have been in a rut since I moved out and they have been very busy, I decided to help out to help them break out of this rut. When I’m not doing anything I have giving myself a moment to sit out on the front deck out in the daylight and allow myself to reflect, this is something I have always neglected and possibly why I relapse, following my most recent relapse which was yesterday morning, I actually got out of my bed and for the first time I went outside sat on the front deck and for a good 10 minutes I just sat there reflected on all the choices Ive made in my lifetime, I was also reflecting on mistakes I have made, thoughts of finding the right girl, I was also reflecting on my 2 year journey of Nofap, all of these deep thoughts came rushing through, I then closed my eyes for a few minutes and did some deep breathing, my mind was brought back to the present, it felt like I was being reborn, I going to make sure I reflect more often if means getting back on the right path, I never realized how important reflecting was til yesterday. Now with a newly built mindset and a stronger commitment, I have got what it takes, no more lying in bed, no more masterbating, no more telling myself that I will do something only to change my mind, it’s time I get out there, make friends, continue go to the gym, learn to to drive, wake up every day ready to make a difference and most importantly be the man I was born to be.
Hey bro I think you have potential to beat this, I really do but moving from the position u are now to the man you want to be with this addiction chained on u it’s like I chain 5 kilos weight on a pigeon leg and ask the pigeon to fly high and be the bird was born to be. No the bird won’t fly and will stay in the same position until dies.
Sorry bro this how bad it is for all PMO addicts
Didn’t do much today, I slept in til 9 am, when I woke up I went to the cowshed to help my dad, I locked the cows in the paddock for him, then I helped my dad feed calves, when I got back home, I tidied the kitchen, and front deck, I then put the tools away, after that I sat down and reflected for a bit. That’s all I really did today.
I now do this thing where I wake up before 8 am, i usually set my alarm for 7:30, when I get up I make myself breakfast, usually I’ll eat rolled oats, some other changes Ive been making is Ive been forcing myself into more social interactions, mostly with my work colleagues, my Adhd sometimes gets in the way and I go too far with my humor sometimes Ive actually contemplated telling them about my Adhd, I feel like they would understand, another change Ive been making is Ive began making my own lunch for work, my goal is to stop buying lunch from the cafeteria, but to eat my own lunch, doing this will save me money and I really want to change. In my spare time, Ive been doing the basics of meditation, reflection and Transmutation, Ive been taking cold showers, I haven’t been to the gym lately, but Ive been doing pushups as an alternative.
I’ve been put on lighter duties at work to help my hand/wrist heal, on the flip side Ive been socializing more and starting conversations with different people, I actually feel more masculine when talking to people, I am actually coming out of my shell every day I go to work, it’s also been helping me on nofap, I haven’t been going to the gym lately, but Ive been doing at least 10 pushups a day as an alternative, I didn’t do pushups yesterday. Yesterday I drove my younger sister to her friend’s birthday party and on the way back home I stopped at The Warehouse (Similar to Kmart) and brought some new clothes, I then drove to the beach and went home, I helped my Dad milk the cows and I was so tired by the end of the day that I went to bed early, when I got up this I went and locked the animal’s in their paddock and fed the calves. Today my plans are to either do some farm maintenance and shift livestock or I might drive my Dad to the horse show that my sister is participating in, which ever one I choose I know ill be making the right choice. I spent a good 10 to 20 minutes writing this, taking the time to write what we are doing to improve ourselves is very important especially for nofap.