I dont know if i can get out of this its like i have no fight left. Ive noticed how weak i am with my girlfriend i talk like I’m submitting to her and everyone else. I got a workout in this morning but for some reason once i get an urge i just feel the need to fap. When im not on my phone i go to comics when im not going to comics i go to my thoughts. Dont get me wrong ive had streaks especially last year. But now it seems like everything is gone. My girlfriend is the only motivation i have left. If im fapping all the time i cant be a great man. I love her im sure that i do. Despite the numbness to feeling this gives me i know i love her. I want to become the best version of myself for her. She moved back to PH so it’s taking a lot more effort but we are dedicated. She is doing her thing so i have to stop this loop and get back on my thing as well. I need self discipline even if i continue fapping for the rest of my life i want to at least have some discipline. Thats the least i can ask for from this community. How can i get some self discipline?
what does a life of discipline look like to you? what would you have?
I would have a lot more control over decision making, less impulsive, might be better with conversating and remaining happy too.
Is there anything you like to do? Or eat? Or drink? When you’re “at peace”?
I like to make beats and do photoshops
Photoshop what? Photos? Drawings? Are you drawing yourself?
I make collages of things i like until they look like somethind different
Uhh! Great! How much time does it take to make one? Are you very engaged in that occupation-you know, head is empty and all concentrated to that one work?
Im more engaged in the music making than the photoshops honestly lol. For photoshop sometimes its quicker like a few minutea but when im really trying and using things to make the edit better it takes longer. The most ive taken is a little over an hour thouhh
Music even better! I guess you’re using some kind of software?
Well, why am I asking about your favourite occupation or anything, that brings satisfaction - you could try to replace the urge with that occupation or thing. It can work. As according to one book I read some time ago, we can replace our habbits by replacing the activity. We just need to find an other thing to do. But it’s not an easy thing, huh 
By the way, do you know Jordan Peterson?
Ohh okay I’ll try it! And yeah I’ve seen some videos from him on social anxiety
He suggests to have a routine and schedule. But not the one, that drains you, the one, that your perfect day would look. So, if you can let yourself to create that kind of schedule, do it!
See thats the problem i think. I work 6 days a week and work is super stressful. It might even be the reason i relapse so much. I’ll definitely still do it though. Maybe a schedule for after work
Oh, I see… is your work more mental or physical?
More physical. Im a dishwasher but at a mediocre restaurant witn some good and bad coworkers. On the plus side sometimes im the only dishwasher against a huge restaurant. It can be overwhelming. Its also my first job though so yeah
Hm… maybe try to take a walk after you job? Somewhere in park. Or next to the river if it’s possible. You need to release your stress. And if you’re physically exhausted you need some emotional rest. Orrrrr! You can listen to some podcast or smth. that catches attention. You can try Andrew Huberman. But maybe you have no interest in neuroscience😅
I think things around how the brain works are interesting frfr. I dont rly have earbuds though just headphones. If things arent hectic today I’ll take a break and chill outside
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