Um, ok so… It’s officially been a year since I’ve joined Rewire Companion. I’m disappointed in myself for not getting it together yet… I’ve learned a ton honestly, and I’ve changed a lot as a person. Was that for better or worse? This I don’t know. I feel like I’m in a worse state than I was last year when I joined. It’s still blowing my mind how much time has passed since I joined. I’ve done so much, and yet, so little. Literally just now in my head I said “I wanna go home” I’m not physically at my house right now, but that’s not what I think I meant. I’m just uncomfortable. Home is a place of comfort and safety. I’m not saying I should always be comfortable, but I don’t want to be where I’m at mentally. I’m lost. But I’m starting over.
I’m leaving. And it’s not going to be like the past times where I say I’m taking a break for a month and then cave and come back after a few days. I’m officially leaving this forum. I’ll come back next year and catch up with you guys to see how you’re doing and let you know how I’m doing, and then most likely I’ll be gone forever, which admittedly is scary. The reason I’m leaving isn’t because you guys are bad people. I love everybody here, and y’all are super supportive and awesome. I’m leaving because the forum is not helping me get where I need to be, and most of the methods people use here aren’t fully rebooting them. Only delaying the inevitable. It’s kinda hard to explain why I’m leaving, but long story short I don’t wanna think about NoFap anymore. I wanna think about my future. This video explains it better, please take a look at it. It’s super helpful:
I’ve got a really, really, really long way to go as a person, and I don’t even know where I’m going right now. But when I find it I’m stepping on the gas.
Just on a side note: I’ve gotten a little bitter as well. DarkViolin (who left) put it in better words than I probably ever could have. I’ve grown attached to the people here, and lot’s of them keep leaving and I don’t think I’ll ever talk to them again which I hate. I would at least appreciate a “goodbye” rather than people just dropping off the face of the planet like @Forerunner . And no offense to him, because I respect him figuring things out in his own life, but again, a goodbye would be nice. It just hurt to see people come and go while I was here. I seriously love all of you guys. It was really awesome to meet all of you.
A special thanks to @M1lldhouse for being there for me through everything, and @UntiltheEnd, @darkviolin, @Vortexkicker, @Keats, @anon6586404, @prothekter_aden, @Samaranjay, @Ash_Matt, and everyone else who helped me out in my journey. I seriously appreciate everyone, even though some of those guys left and may/will never read this.
My vision for the future as of now:
I’m currently working on a website for Christians (maybe just all religions, or as I like to say “relationships”) to find one truth amongst each other, because there is only one, and we all need to find out what it is for better understanding of the Bible and God. I know that’s really difficult and may never happen, but I’ll try. And this is finding the truth in any subject of the Bible, or whatever other books people may use (which may be something we talk about), like homosexuality, baptism, communion, etc… I’m also studying different religions. If you’re religious and you haven’t questioned your own beliefs then good for you lol, but I feel like you should be concerned about the truth, and be willing to find it. Islam or Muslims or whatever it is seem cool to me, and I’d like to learn more. It’s hard, and quite scary to find the truth in today’s world, but my goal is to find it and then go full speed. I’m also trying to find my passion - whatever it is. I really just want to build on my life and the things I’m doing. Other than that, I’m still figuring it out, or tbd…
I still don’t know what to do with my life right now. So I’ll keep trying to figure it out.
My last bit of advice:
Man it’s scary saying this is my last advice to you guys…
1.) Counting days really is an inefficient way of rebooting. I think a reboot is where you only slip up, not relapse. A slip up is fapping only once and then not fapping again for a while. Now if you manage to just completely kick the addiction that’s dope, but accepting that you’re not perfect and that you’ll probably mess up again is an important part of this journey. If you’re only fapping like 3 times a year compared to how you used to fap 5 times a day I think means you’re not addicted anymore. This, however, does not under any circumstances give you permission to fap, you must always be fleeing lust, and making good choices. If you do slip up though, don’t fret, just make sure the chaser effect doesn’t grab you by the ear and drag you across the road again.
2.) This dopamine rush is not helping you get anywhere in life. Period. A few weeks ago I didn’t care about anything and just wanted this little bit of pleasure, and I thought I could be happy even while addicted. But I mean what was I supposed to do with myself man? Going to extreme measures to get this pleasure above everything else? Really? I called that happy? This dopamine rush is drowning and making sure you don’t get satisfaction from anything else so it can thrive like a parasite. Once you stop fapping you begin to notice the things that you actually enjoy and are passionate about that addiction hid from you. So please stop so you’ll actually find something valuable in life.
3.) A girlfriend/boyfriend will not solve all your problems. If you’re not content with yourself before you start dating you’re just going to use whoever it is as a crutch, and that’s just going to make them feel stressed and buckle under pressure. Instead come to a place where you can handle yourself, and if you want to find someone who can help build you up in a way that you couldn’t do yourself. Someone who will remind you of what’s important, and most importantly someone to love and care for. Not someone to basically masturbate yourself on. Because that’s the reality of the sex most people in this addiction want. Sex is a beautiful thing when used correctly. Try looking in the Bible for help on that.
4.) You need to want a goal so badly that nothing can get in your way, especially not this addiction. The video I linked above talks about this so I’d go check it out!
5.) You were created for a purpose, and I know for a fact it wasn’t to please yourself all the time. What your purpose is is up to God, and you. Y’all figure it out.
But um yeah, that’s all out of me. For now anyways, I’m writing this before I actually hit one year. It’s sad to be leaving, but I need to work on myself. Peace out, and God bless you all.