Continue the good work broh , regarding dreams … they will soon be less dangerous and you will probably will move on … Anyway
Yupp bro the goal is to move on from this shit once nd for all
Day 6: completed
Study - 5 hr
Meditation - 10 mins
No pmo motivational video - 15 mins
Read book - Power over pornography (1hr)
As d days r going on i sense a change going inside me. Unlike other days streak I’m starting to understand myself spiritually. For d 1st time in my life I’m beginning to gain control over my thoughts. Even if sometimes the urges kick in which is usually very less these days but whenever they strike in I’m aware of them nd checking myself preventing myself beforehand frm doing anything stupid. Woahh i can’t describe this feeling. Don’t know what is it but i kind of feel like some kind of superpower that I’ve gained to control myself. Maybe its also bcoz my almighty also wants me to desperately change for good. Maybe this time i can get rid of this stupidity forever I’m beginning to feel confident again. I’m liking this new me who is guilt free… Woahh man 6 days, my previous best streak. I wanna this streak to go on forever but one small step at a time. First let me break this streak nd make it upto 7 days. I’m gonna reward myself tomorrow when I achieve this streak. So let’s bring it in I’m ready for tomorrow… .Signing off for today
Props for reading POP. It’s for people who want to quit for PM forever though.
And Graveyard of the fireflies is a beautiful anime!
Uh…, and instead of reading POP through at once, do one lesson each second day. If you’re going to push through with that you’re already at day 42 (or even more) in the end
Yeah bro I’m taking time with that book each chapter at a time. Plus doing all the tasks given in dat book. Nd also I’m taking time to absorb whatever is given in dat book… That book is really awesome…
Great. Maybe you want to share parts of the tasks of it in this diary, I’d be interested in your insights. I’m following POP too (religously this time) because I know it works!
Day 7: completed
Today I surpassed my previous best streak of 7 days. I’m feeling pretty good. I’m gonna give a treat to myself. But still i must not let my guard down bcoz still I’ve a long way to go nd now i can’t let myself down. Bcoz I’m tired of starting all over again. I don’t wanna give up. I like this life which is guilt free. I’m much more focused on my work. Doing pretty well with my studies. Have been preparing myself for an exam on 31st. Hopefully I will do good in that test also. Started meditation, workout, reading books nd novels. Overall making myself more productive than before. Don’t know what future holds but enjoying being in d present moment. Less anger, anxiety, back pain gone, cramps reduced, eye sore healing, body temperature, heart beat back to normal. Mind is much more calm than before when it used to run continuously with thoughts without stopping for a moment feeling like its gonna burts… No pmo is making me a better person i can say that for sure…Listening Udd gaye by Ritviz nd going to slumber party… Signing off for today…
Day 8: completed
Today it felt like it was a rough day. Don’t know but the energy felt like it was kind of sucked off from me. Maybe it was due to lack of sleep. Anyways made it through the day. Not gonna lie few moments were there when I was tempted nd had second thoughts if all these struggle made any sense. But however i talked myself that maybe I should let today pass bcoz I’m not today myself, so I should let today pass nd see if the same feelings will remain tomorrow. Nd moreover i thought what is d point of even giving up, going back to that shitty life nd that feeling stopped me from doing anything stupid. Tomorrow there is an exam for which I’ve been preparing nd due to this exam pressure also might have contributed in feeling so low. However studied for tomorrow’s exam hope it goes well… Signing off for today nd not giving up no matter what it takes…
You can do it brother, fight fight fight…
Thnq u brother thnq u 4 ur support…
Day 9: completed
Today had my last exam nd it went pretty well… Though my minds a mess today… Guess love can fuck u up pretty bad… Not in d mood to write too much today just a summary no urges,… what the hell why d words r not coming… I guess i will give a try writing another journal tomorrow… My minds not in d right place now… Signing off for today …
Day 10: completed
Today it wasn’t an easy day for me as i felt d urges a bit stronger today… Even i dreamt of watching porn in my dreams… My mind even once or twice tricked me to go back but don’t know i developed this habit of talking to my mind nd stopped all d thoughts… Guess 2nd week challenge is really turning out to be true… But no matter what i will have to win over once nd for all… Watching porn not only harms me but it also affects someone else’s life indirectly… I need to keep this in my mind nd for my sake for their sake i will not view this disgusting stuff… I know one thing about myself is that i don’t like hurting others nd by watching porn I don’t wanna inflict pain upon them… They don’t deserve this not for me… I am not someone who finds pleasure by hurting people nd porn makes me inhumane, making me numb towards other people’s pain nd suffering… This is clearly not me… No man I’m not viewing porn anymore no matter what… I’ll kill those fucking urges… They don’t define me neither my happiness… Fuck them fuck u urges I’m not afraid of you… I’m stronger than you… Lord give me the strength… Signing off for today…
I had this on day 25 (of my last streak): A wet dream, dreaming of watching porn. Quite scary…
I’m reading all your posts, bc I think you’ll get it! Just keep on reading POP and don’t kill urges. Urges and temptation come to everybody. Just accept them as normal and choose to live a loving life (your vision of a life without PM)
You got this!!
Good luck bro, just focus one day at time and you’ll reach your goal. It’s hard I’m not gonna lie, I’m trying to reach 30 day almost a year, but just believe in yourself and don’t give up!
I guess u r right… Urges will be there its just i must develop the attitude to accept them nd let them pass… Thnq u brother for ur advice…
Thnq u brother… U too keep going don’t give up
Day 11: Relapsed
After going on so good for 10 days on 11th i relapsed. I’m so disappointed nd discouraged right now having self doubt if I can even get out of this vicious cycle… I feel like I could have handled those urges but instead I chose to give up… All d promises that I made now just remain as mere words… Though I’m having self doubt but I can’t have self pity or i will go on this relapsing cycle or Caesar effect… I will have to get up nd this time try even more harder… I must learn from my mistakes… As they say staying down is a choice but getting up is an option… Signing off for today
A note to myself (Review of 10 days)
- I was in more control of me nd my thoughts. I was able to filter them.
- Had a sense of gratitude towards each nd every day. Was becoming more observant towards d environment near me. Like feeling d breeze blowing, chirping of birds, leaves swaying, sunbeam striking, even dogs barking…
- Reduce in my anger level, less anxious, happy, no back pain, no nervousness…
- Was able to have good sleep, workout, read books,study, meditation, take care of my pets…
- Focusing power had increased tremendously
But after I relapsed i could feel d difference as i was constantly thinking about me nd my problem… Wasn’t aware of my sorroundings… Was unable to focus on any other work neither worked out or read books… All that was going on was about that event of relapse… So may it be a lesson to me that one relapse steals from us more than we could imagine… May this be my last mistake…
Day 11: where did I go wrong
- I wasn’t treating day 11 as day 1 with full enthusiasm as it is really important for each and every day to be treated with full enthusiasm for maximum results.
- I was constantly criticizing myself which lead to this downfall. Criticizing oneself doesn’t helps at all.
- I watched an ex pornstar interview hoping she would reveal d dark side of p industry but instead she said reverse nd this lead me to peeking thinking it won’t hurt one time. But I was a fool to think so because afterwards all that is left is guilt nd pain. So lesson learned never watch pornstar interview hoping that they would reveal the truth which they won’t because d industry won’t let them. Its all a trap.
- Became overconfident thinking now I’m on day nd now I’m almost free but it was a pretty foolish move to let my guard down.
- Expectations from others also was a cause as someone let me down in regards to my expectations nd it hurt me for which i turned back. So another lesson learned expectancy must be made lesser nd lesser.
Learning from all these mistakes I’m starting again my journey…
New journey: Day 1 completed
To be honest I’m scared right now. My confidence is shaken nd i feel like I have hit rock bottom once again. But it is also true that if i stay sacred nd afraid then this will definitely lead me back to my old habits or old lifestyle. I really need to accept that yes I have made a mistake (breaking such a good streak) but also I need to acknowledge that i did really good in d past 10 days. I don’t know how i made it but i was sober for 10 days which is a great achievement for someone like me who was a regular porn user. Once surpassing 2 days seemed invincible nd here i made 10 days vincible. I guess i deserve some applause from myself. Though it may not be a great accomplishment for other people who r on longer streak but it doesn’t matters to me I’m not here to make them happy or satisfy them. I’m here for myself. I did it once I can surely make another great streak. There is no point in staying down crying whining about that loss, i have another chance in life nd this time i need to make it big… Its just a matter of time that my confidence regains back… Signing off for today✌️