Ironshadow Rises

Day 0

Relapsed at 1.48 AM.

This was my (I lost count)th relapse in 4 years.
I started PMO comparatively late than most of the other people. Did my first session at the age of 16. In last 4.5 years, I became increasingly addictive towards this filth. And I don’t know how much time it’ll take me to remove this addiction from my life but I know one thing I’m not gonna give in next time. It would be very naive of me to say that I’ll not relapse ever again but one thing is sure, I’m on this path now and untill I don’t eradicate this filth from my life, I won’t give up on NoFap.

This is a promise to all the peeps whose diaries I’ve read yet. @Ash_Matt @_TIGER @Tagore @rohankians

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I won’t give up.

Per Aspera Ad Astra

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You can conquer this addiction bro. Avoid all artificial stimulation; if you ask me the number 1 mistake people make is as their streak become bigger i.e. 60+, 90+ etc they’ll start looking at erotic images, pictures of girls etc.
This can kill you; surely these kinds of activities will take us to pmo.
Be celibate for the next 90-180 days. Don’t look at girls with lust; if possible don’t look at them :sweat_smile:
Focus on your passion. Exercise, meditate. Get your shit together. Addiction will go away. All the best bro :+1:

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@Iron_shadow I believe you man. You have the capability- be determined and beat this PMO. Get your goals and chase them. Be dedicated.

Flame on :fire:

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Well I certainly am not thinking about setting streak goals as my longest streak has been only 11 days. But I’m gonna focus on the present moment, Every moment I have to fight this monster. Not even thinking about benefits of NoFap, I just want one thing from this practice- Self-respect.
Btw Thanks for inspiring words man!!

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Flame IS on brother.:fire::fire::fire:

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Bro , sleep till 10 or 11 pm . As I have seen many people relapse after 12 , just surfing various social media sites and just one pic or video and relapse happens .

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After 2 days and 14 hrs, I peeked accidently and relapsed.
List of excuses:
1.
2.
3.

Relapse analysis:
Man! this was a tug of war. At least before starting I was so much conscious about this diary, what my a few readers will think of me, I’ll be the first to go down in “Master challenge” by @JonSnow001 . So this shows progress. And session was not so pleasurable, I didn’t have urge, I just did it for just sake of doing it. So not only overall but in all instances it was not so pleasurable. And after relapse it was just disgusting.
DAY 0

Now what? Well, nothing. Numbness and Anger. But when did these things left me in last 4 years.
It’s not the motivation I need, I need action. And I’m ready to start the action again.
image

Per Aspera Ad Astra

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I have been in your position bro.

The first problem was, we dont believe that we could actually beat this thing. We want to beat ofcourse but we doubt if that truly happens.

Second problem was, even if belief was there, its scary to be without all the pleasures that PMO would bring. So we feel that we are missing out soon after we start nofap, hence relapse.

Third, with belief as well as desire, we need bullet proof reason to quit. Why because…
We are more dangerous when we got nothing to loose.
Example, look at cigarette smokers ( I was that years ago, and was sober for 5 years, I consider myself a non-smoker now and not as someone that quit) they know its wrong, most of them want to quit, they know all the health issues that follows with it, but guess when most of them quit? When their health is actually in trouble. Then somehow their confidence level rises to beat the addiction… Same issue here, we dont think that its our worst situation yet. But trust me bro, you dont want that worst situation. But again, thats how our mentalities are… We keep trying only to fail again and again. Trying to convince ourselves we are trying, failing for our pleasure.

So change the approach bro, change the motivations behind it, change the reasons, look for things to do when urges hit ( plan it before - liking going to a war with weapons), find the way to feel that this time is the worst case scenario ( like do or die scenario and make sure you do)… Prepare for what ever happens scenario, Because without that, its hard to quit, and by whatever happens, I mean " what ever happens, I am quitting this thing, doesn’t matter the urges, think of the worst thing that could happen (both physical, emotional or others actions), and tell yourself, even if that happens, i wont relapse, that way you are preparing to make sure no excuse will make you relapse"
On top of that, make sure there is fire in you every single day to keep going. One day if you skip or not on your best self, relapse happens. So things has to be concrete in every direction.

Good luck bro :v:

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Relapsed again today after 2 days and 11 hrs streak.
This 2 day streak is becoming very tough. Maybe it’s the “chaser effect”. I binged today.
It’s very frustrating. As long as I will treat this thing as habit it won’t go away. It’s not a habit, it’s not an addiction, It’s not a big big monster. It’s just a spike coming at a time where your mind is free.

So now on I am gonna prepare complete schedule of next 7 days. Jampacked. Even entertainment and free time would be planned. I don’t need motivation, What I really need is Momentum. This sheer momentum will take me to next level.

I’m not writing my diary on daily basis and that’s a mistake because why the F**k I created it, To write, Right? Then effing write man.

Schedule for today. 1800 to 0300

1800-1900 : Dinner - Evening Walk
1900-0300 : Pomodori of Modern History.

Schedule for 16th Jan

1000-1130 : Wakeup , Freshen up, Quick 40 pushups and 15 pull ups to set the tone of day.
1130-1230 : Cold shower, Meditation(10 min), Lunch + IndvsAus
1230-1300 : Afternoon walk
1300-1430 : Newapaper and other Current
1430-1500 : Nap and then Tea
1500-1600 : Movie
1600-1700: Workout
1700-1900: Flute+ Spanish+ Book+ Dinner
1900-0300: Modern History Pomodori

Ad Astra Per Aspera

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DAY 1 and some hours

Yesterday wasn’t as full of productivity as I thought it would be, but still, I didn’t think of PMO the whole day. No urges until now but I am aware of chaser effect. And next 2 days are important because I couldn’t convert 2-day streaks into 3 days. So that’s an issue I gotta resolve and right now I’m in that moment. From now on, the tricky phase starts. So gotta be aware of my thoughts.

Apart from this, Today’s schedule got messed up. Woke up late and watched Washi and Shardul frustrating Australian bowlers. So worth watching that. And now for remaining hours of the day-

15.00-16.00 - Newspaper and Summary
16.00-17.00 - Anthro- Tribal Problems
17.00-19.00 - Flute, Spanish, Dinner, Strolls
19.00-20.00 - Biodiversity
20.00-02.00 - Anthro

C’mon man, You can do this all day. Leave the inertia.

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Day 3 and some hours

Finally, the 3rd-day barrier is broken. It was a much-needed breakthrough. I was relapsing after 2-day streaks for some time now. So the first win comes. And I’m getting urges now definitely pure urges. No surprise these will come. Either it’s day 3 or 300. These are inevitable. What I have to do is to learn to dodge them and fight them. Be on the safe side, don’t go towards the edge, Don’t peek, Don’t fantasize. Because if you do these – You’ll be shot point-blank. So just dodge these urges or Fight them, Accept them and take your awareness somewhere else.

In other news, India breached the fortress Gabba and I’m ecstatic.

Now Schedule for today and tomorrow

1530-1630 : Data Protection Bill Note
1630-1930 : Uncertain, Guests are coming
1930-0200 : Forest Policy and other Tribal Problems.

Next day(Timings may be uncertain so just task list)

Anthro Answers + Environment chapters + Polity 2 chapters + Current affairs

tenor

Ad Astra Per Aspera

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It was a really happy moment that India defeated Australia at The Gabba.

And the Australians broke Pujara’s helmet :joy::joy:. So many bouncers :joy:

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:joy: What made my day today was this-
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Dub city for life!!

Keep going, @Iron_shadow

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Bro that game was tight! Dub city for life!:fire::fire::fire::fire:
#strengthinnumbers

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That guy is just another level immovable object. The new wall.

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No idea about Basketball yar.:joy: Sorry.
But it’s your team winning so yayayy!!
You watch cricket?

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I don’t watch cricket, but I’ll support India no matter what sport they play :heart:

@GOVIND-19 Curry :ok_hand: :fire: Everyone was sleeping on my man
I can wear my dub city shirt again :joy: cause we won-otherwise all the Lakers fans in college will just look at me jokingly-but Warriors are no joke.

Let’s not disrupt the flow of this great diary. Apologies @Iron_shadow

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I don’t know how to tell you about this specific series because it was by far the most dramatic cricket series involving India ever. Just to put things in perspective, It was like Endgame after Infinity war defeat. Now don’t you say that you don’t watch marvel movies too.:joy:

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I’ve seen those, but yeah xD I’m not into Marvel/DC. Just enough to know what everyone is talking about.

Since I’m aspiring to become a writer, I’m more into fantasy and novels like LoTR, PJO and anything fantasy/dragon related. Rn I’m reading The Chronicles of William Wilde and it’s a decent series (free on Kindle unlimited-do check it)

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Read game of thrones then! Wait don’t! Too much sex in it😅

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