Inner Journey [18M]🧘🏻‍♂️

You beat your usual previous record for the second time now. Great work… omg 14 days!
Here’s to more. Maybe we try for NNN as an additional motivation. Rock on brother! :rocket:

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I’m back, after a miserable two weeks. I released on the second day of November, and again on the fifth. I viewed triggering content and released once, and I watched porn last night. I do not feel good.

I’m currently alone in the house and feeling urges to watch porn again. This hiatus was a mistake, I believed it would’ve helped me center myself, but I NEED to focus on NoFap in order to make it happen. Wishing all the best to everyone, shoutout to @kennethgr8 for doing so well.

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Hey man! Though you’re not in the best shape, welcome back! I’m sorry the last couple weeks turned out that way and I’m curious if you’re still hanging on in the last hour since those urges have arisen again. It’s no fun when you’re home alone and not feeling strong.

I wanna invite you to start NNN unofficially with the NNN group (the one with 1k+ comments) and spend some focus reading and checking in on the group. Having people talk about challenges and giving advice and seeing inspirational things everyday has honestly helped me stay focused. After a few days I noticed that rather than scrolling on social media and encountering triggering stuff, I was checking rewire several times a day and looking at the thread for inspiration and strength.

YOU my friend, are STRONG. You’ve been here before and you’ve been WEEKS ahead/away from how you’ve felt lately. Pick back up, shower or clean, clear your physical and energetic space, and jump back in brother! Deep breaths, let all the worry and thoughts roll out, shake it off! Come to the light!! Lol :blush::blush:

Oh and thanks for the shoutout!! :muscle::pray:t2:

Will do! I made it through by playing my cornet for a while, now I’ve eaten a snack and gotten my mind out of that hole, at least for now. Time to get back into it!

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The Inner Journey has begun:

-I have been studying psychology and philosophy to discover my true self, and PMO stands in the way.
-I want to end my addiction so that I can be free of it’s draining effects, and live my life without the compulsion of watching porn and masturbating.

Current obstacles:
-Gf sends me NSFW texts sometimes
-There are triggering music videos in my music app
-I get aroused when I try to trim down there.

A relapse is: watching porn, masturbating and releasing, edging

A slip up is: watching triggering videos, rubbing, going into guest mode

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Day 1:

-Entirely clean, felt refreshing.
-Exercised a lot, had a good day.

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Day 2:

-Odd bit of edging, stopped myself by holding my hands up and saying “this is stupid, I’m tired of this. I’m not falling down this slope again.”

-2 year anniversary with my gf! Really happy day, went to temple and had a great service, relaxed and read quite a bit.

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Happy Anniversary! Hopefully for a gift she will stop sending NSFW for one month! :laughing:

Hoping to hear a positive report for this 3rd day, and to give you a cheer if you’re still pushing to stay strong and clear :100:

Day 4:

-Don’t have cell service at this week’s campsite.

-Doing well, staying strong. Tough, cold, rainy work today.

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Day 5:

-Did lots of boxing and wrestling last night, it was awesome.

-Built a bridge today (or at least finished it), again a very cold day. Feeling good.

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Day 9: Woke up very early and it’s Thanksgiving break! On my flight right now, should get home around noon. I get to see my gf again!

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Another restart.
I relapsed because I was frustrated with my gf, I thought we would be equally excited to see me and stuff, but she just moped about how she is going to miss me AGAIN when I leave. I relapsed, again and again I do. I relapse because my girlfriend doesn’t satisfy me sexually, so it became habit to meet those needs on my own, instead of communicating them. I will voice it to her, but right now I just want to sleep.

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That’s tough man, all of that. Double reset now. Try to meet your needs of nofap now for the purposes they serve that you desire.

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I feel like I keep disappointing everyone, but especially myself. I’m disappointed in myself.

Day 1.
I had breakfast with my girlfriend, got a haircut, and went shopping with her. Had fun, came home and lifted weights. Had a family dinner, loved it. Parents started arguing about little issues and it’s making me feel like a child again, having to listen to all this dysfunction. Tomorrow I get to see my friends from high school, hope that’s fun.

I consider myself a Stoic but I’m really tearing up hearing my parents fighting, I’ve forgotten over the last months that they always do this. What’s worse is I feel like I’ve caused it.

To be home again.

Urges!

According my counter it’s still technically Day 1, so I’ll call it that. Had a good today, helped one of my neighbors and had breakfast with my friends and hung out with them. Came back and went shopping with my family, then ate dinner. Got to work out and play my trumpet, talked with my dad for a bit. Surfing some urges right now.

“Be like water, my friend.”

Pixels on a screen
Fighting for my time, my life
But it will not win

I have been doing PMO since I was 11 (8½ years now.) I have been trying NoFap for nearly 1 year. My highest streak is 38 days, my lowest is mere minutes. I PMO’d through depression, anxiety, a breakup, arguments, existentialism. I’ve been caught by my parents, by my school, by my brother (not in the act, but later on.) I’ve used PMO to dull my senses and cope my way through issues like loneliness and despair, which ended up making me MORE lonely, more depressed. I remember all the loopholes to get to the sites, the way to uninstall things and hide things. I remember all the names, all the titles, all the scenes. I’m constantly arguing with myself and justifying things, justifying that “they’re just TikToks” or “this is my last relapse for sure” or “I just won’t look at that part.” All the time I’ll get urges and I will instantly bow to them, unconsciously accepting my fate. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t PMO, I can’t recall how I am without it. This is my life’s greatest hindrance, my over-arching enemy. I’ve got discipline in my diet, in exercise, with all my hobbies and goals. My relationship with my gf is amazing rn, everyone sees me as this hardworking, responsible, smart person. PMO keeps me in the cycle of comfort and coping, giving me this simple way to ignore my issues. This last week, I’ve been releasing about twice a day like I did in high school and I hate it. It makes me feel weak, anxious, uncomfortable. I want to feel pure, I want to be able to leave my door open, to be completely honest with everyone in my life and not have this secret addiction burdening me.

Derek, you are done with PMO. Be a man and stop feeding this immature, pathetic addiction. No more, that’s an order.

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End of Thanksgiving break, I love my home and the people there. Back to work.

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