Inner Journey [18M]🧘🏻‍♂️

I relapsed just a bit ago, after a flimsy 8 hour streak. It feels like I’m stuck in my old ways of gaming all day and releasing 3 times a day MINIMUM. I’m already on self-improvement type hobbies and pursuits (excercise, meditation, cold showers, reading) but porn addiction still has a hold on me. Everytime I try NoFap, I end up edging for hours each day, finally ending in another relapse. After my recent 8 day streak, I haven’t felt the same since. Foggy and unmotivated.

I WANT to change, and I know I’m not trying hard enough if this keeps happening. Any advice?

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bro, don’t try to quit everything right away, it’s very hard, start slowly. quit porn first, but don’t stop jerking off. masturbate to your fantasies, then try to masturbate less often, and then quit completely. Quitting everything at once is very difficult and not many people are able to quit everything at once, you need to get rid of addiction gradually.

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Good idea, I’ll try it out.

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Day 1: Feeling great. Went on a run and got my best 1½ mile time (10:19.) Just got back from a pretty good shift at work, listened to a podcast on the way home. It was with a psychiatrist who talked about anxiety and viewing it more as a “habit” formed in our mind over time. I realized I can apply this to my situation, looking back on my past relapses and realizing I got nothing (good) from it and changing the way I view the experiences. Hopefully the rest of the day goes well, no urges so far.

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Day 2: Released to a (non-nude) video of my girlfriend, and after I don’t feel guilty or anything, it doesn’t feel like a relapse so I won’t count it. Definitely feels like I’m on the road to where I want to be (no porn/masturbation). Filling my new free time with reading more, which is working well. I’ve got a closing shift tonight at work (5-10) and I typically relapse when I get home late and I feel tired, so I’m going to try and go to sleep as soon as I can, keep my phone away and try to break the habit that’s formed.

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That’s the normal mode, I started my first week with this mode.
Now I finished 10 days and I started the monk mode after a week and it’s been great.

Exactly, Sleeping builds strong willpower, Go to sleep between 9 p.m an 11 p.m cause that’s the best tome to go to sleep.

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Day 3 (morning): Woke up and downloaded TikTok, edged for a bit. :rage:
Stopped myself and started journaling, realized I just do it out of boredom or habit, I need to keep myself busy.

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Boredom, stress, anxiety, and bad thoughts lead to urges.
To stop smoking you need to lock yourself at home without cigarettes.
Masturbation is the opposite, you need to stay out of your room, out of your house, and keep yourself as busy as possible.

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Day 3 (afternoon/evening): Today a few urges are coming and going. I tried the built-in meditation feature and it was fascinating to (mentally) witness the urges disappear. I’ve stayed moving, trying to make a real list of triggers for myself to avoid. Blocked YouTube and Google off my phone and it’s very quickly become “out of sight, out of mind.” This morning I was struggling with it, but I’m controlling my urge to edge and reducing idle time through the day.

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Day 4 (morning): Today I’m observing the Uposatha, or at least I’m trying to. I’ve been studying snd practicing Buddhism for about 1½ years, and I’ve been striving to observe the Uposatha monthly. I have a date planned with my girlfriend, but otherwise I’m going to try and follow all the other precepts.
Abstaining from:
-Killing
-Stealing
-Sexual activity
-Lying/harmful speech
-Intoxicants
-Consuming food after noon (my mom won’t let me skip dinner though :joy:)
-Entertainment (no music, no TV)
-Luxurious furniture (sleeping on the floor tonight)

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Day 4 (afternoon/evening): Lifted weights and ate lunch, read for a bit and fiddled around with the SPIN browser, setting up blockers and stuff. Went to the bowling alley with my girlfriend and had fun, then we went to the store for random stuff. Watched a movie at her house, she wanted to touch me but I declined because of the Uposatha. Drove home and snacked a little, and now I’m going to meditate and go to sleep.

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Day 5: I was thinking about her from yesterday, and ended up releasing to the same video of my girlfriend from Day 2. I’m sure this probably would count as a relapse, but I didn’t want to keep MO-ing after I did (chaser effect?) and I don’t have any desire to view P. I still feel good, but after these first few days I’m going to get stricter. Self-pleasure is a waste of time and energy.

Afternoon/evening: Strong urges in waves today, managing to curb them by working out and walking around my house. Edged a little and stopped because in my head I kept saying “stop doing this, this isn’t what you want”. Time for a cold shower and hopefully a mindful night.

Gotta make the days count, got to put in my best efforts everyday.

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Day 6: Woke up at 2:00AM and took my mom to the airport, drove home and edged a little before scrolling through r/NoFap (deleted Reddit immediately after) and reading some advice. Went to sleep and woke back up at 8:00, felt great. Ate breakfast outside, finished a book, no urges whatsoever. Hoping the rest of the day goes well too.

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Bro. Just try to stay away from that site. It just brings you down from your streak.

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Yeah the urges are way too strong, it can be super triggering. That’s why I’m glad I found this forum, built-in to the app and trigger-free. :slightly_smiling_face:

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9 minutes past day 6, I RELAPSE. Edging was my downfall. Starting anew with hopes of having a much cleaner streak, no edging, more discipline.
Feeling kind of stupid. :pensive:

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ROUND 2
Day 1: Went on a run this morning. Family’s out of town for a week so it’s all on me to keep myself busy (no chores or conversations :laughing:). Went to work and got a headache, just got home. This is when I typically relapse, most likely of stress from my shift. Was studying sutta yesterday and found a wonderful quote from the Buddha.

The Buddha is speaking to his followers about the lure of sense pleasures and he tells them this to say to themselves when they feel urges or desires:

This path is fearful, dangerous, strewn with thorns, covered by jungle, a deviant path, an evil path, a way beset by scarcity. This is a path followed by inferior people ; this is not the path followed by superior people. This is not for you.

I’ve written this quote down and now read it aloud like an affirmation when I’m feeling urges.

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ROUND 3 :face_holding_back_tears:
Relapsed again, I got Bulldog Blocker but then I went on this binge of downloading a ton of browsers and trying to get around it. Let’s see how I do this time, let’s see if I can do a week.
After checking the statistics, all my relapses are on Fridays or the weekend. I think the stress from my job (prep cook) is what crushes my willpower on NoFap. I just finished working and I want to relax, my brain tells me the way to that is fap. That is not the way, this is not for me. :triumph:

Another Day 1, another relapse.
Bulldog Blocker is fantastic, the only issue is I didn’t block Chrome and that’s what led to the relapse. It was compulsive, I barely even wanted to but my brain just said “Let’s watch P, now that we know how to get it.”
I don’t like this feeling of weakness, this feeling of being controlled by urges and compulsions.

Day 1: Feeling great! Managed to get some good sleep for the first time in a bit, woke up early and now I’m journaling and eating breakfast. I’ve got a fun day planned with friends, glad to have something to look forward to. :smiley: