[immortal227] My thoughts on life, purpose, relations and future

Diary
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Simply put, I have certain goals that I wish to achieve. But they are obscure enough that I cannot figure out how to accomplish them. Or whether I would be able to in the way I want right now.

For example, let’s talk about addictions. The sort of stuff we are fighting against. All the addictions that cause us to suffer is linked through certain memories. The brain identifies certain actions as pleasurable and fulfilling, identifying them as priorities worth seeking. Even though the mind understands that these actions, these priorities are harmful in the long term, the human brain has evolved in a way that it seeks short term impulsive pleasures. It overwhelms the mind, we engage in our addictions, the brain then settles down, and when we again become mindful, we feel wretched and unhappy.

In short, when it comes to addictions, the mind and the brain are antithetical to each other. The mind is the real ‘you’, something that understands and adapts, the brain is simply hot wired through years of evolution to sustain the body.

Unfortunately, the mind itself is fickle and fragile. When I was watching porn before nofap, I didn’t feel wretched because my mind was not aware of the consequences. Even though obviously I was damaging my body. As soon as nofap started, everytime I did it, a sense of gloom took over me. I felt bad about every deviant sexual thought that occurred because now, my mind was aware of the consequences. It had more wisdom, but lacked self control.

So what I am aiming for is a higher mindset. A quality mind. A mindset that encompasses virtues above all. The mindset we have read about in religions, philosophies around the world. The mindset of champions. The Stoic Mind. A mindset that values self-control, responsibility and courage. An unyielding, unbreakable, relentless mind.

Unfortunately, human nature is flawed and easily falls to temptations. So I searched and looked at new emerging technologies for an answer.

And one of the answers I was able to find out was Optogenetics. A tech that uses various spectrum of light to alter your brain chemistry. Essentially, a technology that you would be able to use to add or remove certain memories. Something that I wish to use in order to rewire my mind.

But as all other technologies, the idea is incredibly dangerous, though very appealing. As our memories form the core of our personal identities, this technology can be easily misused. And that, for me is another reason to be worried about. Nonetheless, it is one of my goals.

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Weird idea, isn’t it?

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Damn bro :sweat_smile:.
I saw similar idea in movie Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind but I had no idea it was for real.
But rewiring is possible without tech too my friend, let’s aim for that at the moment.
A stoic mind doesn’t need tech to build it, it just needs knowing ourselves and how to react in all situations, it requires real life practice to develop, learn the lessons the stoics gave us and implement in real life, and a time will come when you’ll be so well worsed with implementing them that people might call you a stoic.

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I completely agree with what you said, @The_integrous_one. And you are absolutely right. Training one’s own mind through trials is better than depending on an uncertain tech. Maybe that’s what is happening to me. I feel out of control so i depend on something I don’t completely understand. The tech will come when it will come, right now we have our minds.

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I am back. Almost felt like forever. But… I am back.

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It’s been rather hard, past few weeks. Infact, it’s been hard for 2 months. Because all of a sudden, I realized the folly of my actions but found no cure for my mind. It is as if the environment around me changed. Things that I loved to do, goals that I wished to achieve, all took a stepback. But, fortunately, somewhere deep in my heart, a sense of hope still stands. Somewhere inside, I still believe that it can all workout the way I want it. Right now, I just don’t know where to go, but I do hope that I will eventually find the way back.

So, here’s what I would like to share and advise. Time and patience. Yes. Time and patience for the Desperate. There’s no need to panic. When those heavy emotions arise, just remind yourself of this: Time and Patience.
Remember, it’s not the stimulus themselves that are the problem, but how you respond to it. But you can control both: the stimulus and the response. You are in compete control. The body itself is a part of the external environment. The brain releasing Dopamine which tries to sway you. It is really the mind which must be in control of the body. Only then would you be able to push yourself towards your goals.

But the mind sometimes need healing. The brain needs to rewire itself to think differently… and appropriately. The way you want it to think. You need to groom it, supplement it, brainwash it to follow your mind. To follow you. So, give it time and patience. Even when you see that it might not be working, maintain control. Maintain your hope. And stay away from overly sexual thoughts. Remember, there are millions of things out there. Busy yourself. Learn tricks and techniques. Favour growth and most importantly, create a favorable environment for it. Growth and development is most favorable when you enjoy being part of it. But never let impulses get a hold of you. Everything has a place and time. So, build your favorable environment, make it enjoyable, create a schedule for your day, reaffirm your long term and short term goals, look after your family and ultimately,watch yourself rising and dominating in every field, every enterprise that you participate in.

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Let me make it clear enough for you. You have just begun. The fight is at its initial phase. The very beginning of a brutal battle waged to tackle and bring under your jurisprudence a vicious habit. Something that has taken you far away from yourself. Something that has degraded you. Do you really think that it will simply wane away in time?

No, it will rise again. Trying to overpower you. It will try to belittle you. It will grow like wildfire, each and everyday, trying to consume you. But you have to be worse than this. You must rise to even greater heights through determination, spirituality and a purpose to suppress it. As it grows around you, you rise up twofold. Remember your passion, remember your willpower, your determination. The fire will suppress itself in time. But you must never stop.

The path we have chosen asks us to BURN. You can not con it. This is not the job for the clowns. This is the path of a ferocious TIGER, the path of the greatest WARRIOR. The WILL to surpass the entire UNIVERSE, to beat it at its own game and to achieve complete control over your senses. That is the truth. The entire UNIVERSE on one side and YOU stand alone on the other. Because everything on the outside is trying to influence you, to persuade you into giving in to your carnal desires but you are fighting it now. These problematic thoughts are the output of the universe trying to distract your penance. But you are not going to cave in. You are not going to give in. You are attacked from all sides, in every moment there is and yet , you stand tall. That is the glory of the path you chose.There is a purpose of complete self control or there is NOTHING. And through taming your lustful mind and uncontrollable thoughts, you will rise to glory. You will finally learn to respect yourself, to be confident in yourself.

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I have just discovered your diary. I can’t wait to read it all, as it is really inspiring!

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Only my little contribution to our struggle, my friend ! There are far more inspirational people here, such as yourself, who have maintained self control and dignity for years. They are more worthy because they won through action.

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No one is better than the other. The fight and battles are different, and if you had met me 2 years ago you would see how I was always losing them.

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If you wish to control your impulses, be strict about them. Hard and fast rule- peeking voluntarily means a relapse. It is obvious that with peeking, you already have set up the sequence. After that, it’s only a matter of time. Do not get involved in baseless assumptions that you still maintain control. You don’t and you know it.
Thoughts are a different matter entirely. Their treatment require patience and time. Find something that occupies your mind and turn those thoughts a side deal. Something worth forgetting, not something to linger on to.

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The zero is…painful to look at. Feeling it right now.

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Amazing quote I read here," If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime."

That is all I wish to do. All that I need to do.

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A new idea just blew up in my mind. An idea of a new kind of nofap challenge. I don’t know if this has been tried before. I’ll prepare a rough blueprint about my idea.

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Alright, minimize social media or any form of digital entertainment for the next 15 days. Only books and Family. I’ve brought that old-fashioned keypad phone and I won’t be using my smartphone atleast untill I break my streak. And beyond that , I will remain vigilant about misuse. I will use it for less than an hour to check mails, use this app and listen to devotional songs. But maintain usage that is less than an hour.

Let’s sew how it goes.

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