well thatâs the problem I would already had started doing it but first of all I am too lazy and impatient to do that I stop doing the things or i would say give up if I see any little imperfections in them and the bad thing is that I donât even like to try next time thinking I will make the resources go waste again although there are people who donât know why think the work I did is good but I always wants to compare myself with the best thats why I get disappointed with everything I do and have developed a fear of that everything I do is bad thatâs why farming is not for me I think so . 2nd most important I donât have that much lands to do farming 
I have to settle in my dadâs village where I never visited to start farming cause we have some there.
I was kidding! Donât take it seriously 
In this post I am going to try to write everything which is going on in my mind rather in life actually because life is simple we make it difficult by overthinking about it and I am one of those like to make it difficult yet donât want to be bothered by it 
! Even I Donât know what glabbrish I wrote previously anyways currently I am trying to get close to my classmates and my childhood friends previously if I think about it then I never tried really to get close to them to make them my friend as for my childhood friends they are not many and I tried to get in touch to them it was a luck that I found connection and now I am participating in literally everything in which they are inviting it started from going for running with a friend then it happened I even started to play football with them and now is asked by them whenever they want to go somewhere not normally but yeah when with friends they invite me to go along with them it seriously took alot of efforts and cring acting to get along with them literally sometime I started to question myself tf I am doing its not looking good at all but anyways it can be considered as an sacrifice 
not really though it was nothing tbh I like people from distance wants to know about them and start liking them more i know about them but it have an limit on it like I am an type of person who judges people like if I was at their place what I would had done and judge myself from otherâs perspective and because of my character which my friends consider good or maybe naive they said I canât be a politician cause it involves cheating and other bad things and I said no problem cause if itâs for money I can do it and who cares till it is going to harm no one they said yeah thatâs the whole point why you canât this job involves hurting others seriously I am not so kind but I feel pity on others when I think from there perspective like poor creature what fault they had the only thing which is responsible here are the situation but it can be changed and taken into favour too but many donât even get the opportunity the reason behind it is god, I know I canât blame everything on him but I want to cause he is unfair he gives beauty 
to some and and every luxury and then there comes people who donât have both or have only one thing or they waste their whole life chasing there dreams well I canât do anything about it ! Beauty is something which is very precious and is god given which makes me jealous of many people who are beautiful but to be honest I donât feel jealous the exact emotions I feel are pure admiration I get captivated by their looks cause they are perfect have sharp facial features which compliment there face and have an bright skintone which makes there looks perfect whenever I see people with perfect face I just admire them for their beauty in my heart and starts feeling more disgust about my face and everything I look ugly af in my opinion thatâs why I never ever even tried to try on any girl instead I lower my gaze and feels shameful because of the ugliness I have although there are people who even give me compliments for my looks like previously I had an habit to go out after getting perfectly ready I mean even to purchase day to day items I used to wash my face and change clothes combs my hair and style them accordingly that was a little shameful but I used to calm myself thinking atleast I am looking better than before not good still ugly but a little fine but now after shaving my head bald itâs been two months i still have not improved anything in my looks instead successfully completed an down fall now I look that much ugly that I donât even wants to see myself in the mirror and nor I am smart or tall even I am not strong even stopped doing running cause the improvement was very slow and I used to feel dizziness after a little workout the deficiency of iron is so real that I donât even want to do anything also playtime is over now I will start going to school from 5th March also I successfully passed my class 11th and my accountancy exam didnât got well because of that I even had plans if I failed i would not tell my father about it clearly instead make him confuse and tell him that I will do 12th from open and pursue him without leeting him know i failed and had any plans and zero tension and the day result came out i checked after taking my time in night and fortunately I passed although the mark are not so good but are not so bad either they are quite average and on the top of everything the accountancy subject teacher tried his best to fail me in exams by giving me only 11/20 in practical but somehow I passed but if I want sucess I have to stop being average as some people advised me in my diary that I should get good percentage in 12th not lower than 90% atleast but I have an fear that if that accountancy subject teacher given me low marks again in internal despite doing everything they will cost me my score also I no longer have time left after passing 12th the real battle will begin I have to get strong for that and worthy to face that situation from now on no more unnecessary fun except Sunday that day is for entertainment only and I will set a target which I have to complete to meet the condition to entertain myself on sunday like complete (X) hours of exercise and study .
You need to decide first what you want to become in life? Then ig life becomes easier without confusion.
Your not ugly, your just not your type.
Thatâs the whole point i donât know anything honestly it doesnât matter how I try to look into it but I donât see success in my future life by success I mean that much money which can help me to buy an big house atleast 4000 or more square feet big till my 30s which seems impossible if I think about the inflation in future and the less job opportunities and also I donât want to take any wrong step till I get into my 20s i can try to be anything thereâs no limit on dream but are on oneâs capabilities which stops them. Now I am currently confuse in between what to pursue I am thinking for SATS too and working on my mathematics for it and also CUET but what after doing this what will I do then seriously though there are many things in my mind like to be a therapist or psychiatric because I think this field hold an value in future where people will be more depressed and obviously they will believe an human more than AI to share there feelings mostly rich people are going to be the client if I get famous somehow in an positive way but who knows tbh I donât want to be stucked in studying internship game I want to over it till 22-23 I want to start earning to settle myself down.
âŚ
firstly you are thinking in comparison to prices of Delhi. In other states property is relatively cheap, you would easily get 500 gaj in around 30-70 lakhs.
Secondly,
US? thats alot expensive than you may think. You either get funded scholarship or its not a good idea drowning in debt and getting kicked out of a country that does not want immigrants.
Yeah you can do it. No one was there to guide us but we are here for you. Its possible as I see it now. But that means you need to choose early what you want to do.
Really? My house is of 200 gaj worth 6crore here although after property distribution it will be 50gaj though and also I donât want to settle any where and 70 lakh seems like too less for 500gaj but yeah I never thought that much about that hmmm!
Anywhere bro where can be free education provided not exactly free but because of scholarship and the opportunities are provided but not India i taken my decision that I must leave this country before my 30s i know you too Know why!! Maybe germany also i never thought US where gun shots are normally happens donât want to die like that 
.
Thanks bro you are making me in debt of yours I have nothing more than pure admiration to offer as of now but I promise I will surely try my best to help you in future to express my gratitude as for deciding what to do i must do some research thanks again to remind me now I am gonna give myself deadlines to achieve targets. 
Just my humble opinion , whenever you are planning to write long posts , try to divide it into paragraphs. So that it would be easier to read.
Humble opinion nhi chalta yha babu unhumble opinion do chakhu rakh kr diary me fir yaar humble likhi kyu rahe ho tum bhai me bura nhi maanta asani se upar se unka toh bilkul bhi nhi jinse bhaichara ho parth toh bhiratashri jo chaho likho or han thik ha samjh gya thanks bro 
I know very well, and I am not saying you should not.
European colleges have minimal fees, absolutely, even less than India institutes.
That is not the issue here,
the issue is living expenses. For that you gotta do part time + get a scholarship from Indian govt. (yeah govt. pays if your marks and all are good).
Tbh, I aint telling everything here, if you wanna know actually, DM me on Instagram.
New update today i attended school it was my first day in 12th class actually the school was already open from 1st April itâs just me who started attending late and now will be a regular and the worst part is that accountancy subject old villain is teaching us everything literally that person have almost 4 periods out of 8 of his own and he even take over other periods he is teaching us accountancy, business studies and economics too tf even as of now english also cause the Englishâs subject teacher is away checking board copies and why he is the only teacher teaching us and the classroom is like a cage which stop heat going out and voice too cause the temperature is too high there compared to other classes and also whenever you talk there you canât even listen your own voice gotten headache because of that also old man made me too frustrated that it motivates me to study .
thanks baby got it 
(;
I am just free, so yeah, itâs just simple info. Ainât doing shit, just passing on what I learnt.
Idk I am very cautious with words after Planred especially when I give advice / comment etc 
People might not take things as we expect no matter how cool we ar since we are not seeing face 2 face .
Yeah I can understand you brother even my replies seems like a criticism instead of a reply of a chill guy but seriously I am a chill guy baby never take my replies so seriously that you stop talking to me instead point me out ok I will not be ashamed to say sorry also tbh I donât like fighting anybody .
More than me how dare you to be free more than me bhai sojao isse badiya tum deir raat tak jaagte ho fir jaldi uthte ho ab agr mujhe diddy 
ka phone milgya toh insta pe puch lunga nhi toh bye bye 
bus jo 12th me Krna jaruri ha abhi ke liye wo sab puchunga jyada aage ka puch kr kya ukhaad lunga padhna jyada jaruri ha pr typing ka addiction ho gya ha mujhe phele sirf exam me tha ki me page bhar kr aata tha 1 no ke sawaal ke liye bhi pr ab ye rewire pr baato ki wajah se badhgya ha
DIDDY PHONE (means sisterâs phonee) FED.
whose phone do you have currently though
My own not exactly but only my younger brother uses this beside me we take turns like from12am to 12am and in between every turn the round is given of phone of 2 hours to the person whoâs turn isnât going on also the round can only be given after 9am and before 10pm and to give round 64% battery is must also if by chance the round is not given then whenever that personâs came again after 1 day he have to give 6 hours as penalty battery should be between 80-100% to give it for penalty mujhe pta ha aise samajh nhi aaya hoga pr mujhme chul ha ise complicated krkr likhne ki also diddy means daddyâs phone 
ise me sister kha se ghus gyi
I have to make a routine which should be followed by me seriously through out the day to achieve desired results in my life and to get better!!
Previously I thought to start the day with workout and running from 6-8am in park but it leaves me with less time for studies also I have to attend school everyday from 1-7pm and everything can be done in school except studying tbh that place is not suitable at all but I am not going to waste my time instead I will complete my homework and notebooks there and will try to utilise the time there.
As of now no teacher is available to teach except old villain of accountancy and he is currently showing us a teaser of upcoming film which we are going to become after he will get on his pace since we have 3 books of accounts and 2 of business and almost every subject have 2 books or more the final paper is going to be a big one which will take alot of time by completing my notebooks i will improve my writing speed!!
As for workout i think it will be best to do it before sleep also nowadays I am sleeping Very late at night around 3am daily which is not good at all but the problem is that I feel very sleepy all day long but whenever I try to sleep after some time I finds out that I canât this is frustrating and to change it i will start trying to sleep from 10pm and I hope to sleep by 12am 
.
Anyways I am making some conditions too if I fails to complete them then on Sunday It will not be a entertainment day and will not go out with friends to play football and waste my time watching unnecessary stuff first is simple which is mandatory and will not be changed in anyways and is that I have to complete 5 days of nofap streak no matter what to go for football within 7 days i know itâs not much but to control my addiction I will go slowly now and will do my best to hold more than 5 days but not lesser than that also I think it is a good way to control my addiction since I am trying alot to do but still falling and will increase the requirements by 2 days with every month like 1st month requirement for every week 5 days 2nd month requirement 7 days atleast and so on⌠I hope this helps
Also will include all 5 times of prayers in my routine slowly too since I skipped alot thatâs why will try my best to include them slowly into my routine instead of all at once!! 
Wake up 5am
Get fresh till 5:30am
5:40-6:00am mosque for fajr
6:00-8:00am Study
8:00-9:00am Breakfast milk 
3-4 chapati sabji
9:00-10:00am Nap
11:00-12:00pm you tube for entertainment 
12:00-1:00pm Get ready and go school 
1:00-6:45pm Schoolâ:bowing_man:
6:45-7:00pm Change dress and wash face and hands
7:00-7:30pm Dinner
7:30-8:30pm clear doubts and practice questions
8:30-9:30pm chill down 
9:30-10:00pm stretching and exercise
10:00-5:00 sleep
Current Height - 170cm (5.7ft)
Weight - ???
Gonna improve this routine over time as needed also if you find any problem here then help me by telling it too !! Thank you for reading it till now 
!!