I may not be a right person to give suggestions… As I also dealt with gf failure and an PMO addict…
I will say that life is not yet over man !!
Get up !! Start doing noFap
Pray to God and believe him that whatever has happened was for good, whatever is happening is for better,and what will happen will be for best…
Meditation helps. Also you would struggle with strong urges only for a few days maybe 20 days or so, somehow make it past that point, do anything but fap, you will get urges from time to time after that but they wouldn’t bother you that much. Also as I said earlier too find time to read easy peasy, it works like magic
Open this in browser, you can download pdf or epub version. I promote this book too much
It takes enormous amount of strength to break the silence. You are very strong brother. Your writing here means you want healing and recovery. Those who desire freedom and work for it, they surely succeed.
Forgeting past is not completely in our power. But forgiving is within our power. You must forgive your relative and see your past in a different light. Every person is broken, some more than others, but nothing is unfixable.
Our cracks are our beauty. Fill the cracks with gold. Change your present and you shall change your future.
@Element45 bro when the urges come …keep your phone or laptop away from u … don’t get swipe away with the urges or thoughts like "one peek won’t harm " , “i will just check out what’s new” ,etc. They are utter lie and nothing else , many including myself have fallen to it .
Start mediation , exercise and also read the easy peasy book , download a blocker in ur device.
Just make sure to keep yourself busy u will not find time for the urges …
Bro @Element45 while reading your story I felt like reading my own biography. Almost all these things I’ve gone through as well. My cousin sister SEXUALLY ABUSED me (yes I must use that word too) when I was 4 or 5. I haven’t yet joined school at that time. I also didn’t understand wtf she was doing. She told me this is a game and some mfer peodophile did this to her. So don’t hate tour sister bro, if she was young when she did that to you. My sister was also young and sexual thoughts got imprinted in my fucking brain at that age itself just like you. Then always I was following sexual things in my life- in magazines, in pictures, in movies everywhere. This was a constant companion to me. After 2 years or so, I did the exact same thing, my cousin sister did to me, to one of my neighbor girl. Yes, I didn’t know this was wrong or anything; I was a child who found something that gives pleasure and was experimenting with it. And hear me out bro, like you, I was going through constant guilt for doing all these things through out my life. I had pain Inside me. I always thought Iam bad, Iam not upto par, I was always insecure about myself. And then p*** came into my life. I found it as a great way to escape from the pain, guilt and insecurities of my life. I got addicted, fucked up everything. Even though I didn’t had a successful relationship I used to run after girls- I wanted love, I wanted connection, I wanted someone to hide from my insecurities. I failed in all these things but I was growing in one area of my life. ONLY 1 AREA!
MY PASSION- WRITING.
Somehow I was also channeling my pains into short stories, screen plays, books after books I wrote. I published it in magazines, I earned money, my teachers and parents were proud of me. This gave me ONE REASON, ONE SAVING HAND to go forward in life.
Otherwise trust me bro, I would have died, I would have killed myself.
I have a thing that gives me meaning in life- my passion- writing!
Brother @Element45 don’t try to hide from your past, don’t try to forget it. If you try to forget it it’ll come back stronger like a trauma when you go through hard times in life. Talk about it openly to your close friends, extremely close friends whom you can trust. It is only by opening up about it and by gaining positive feedback from trustworthy people we can clear off that guilt feeling within us.
And above all, follow your passion. focus on succeeding in your goals. It is the only way, in my view to achieve true self confidence!
All other things are fake, arrogant masks. If you succeed in your life, if you live the life of purpose and meaning and passion you’ll find true happiness and confidence.
And also understand that you are not the only one who went through these trauma. Many others have bee through it as well. Iam also one example. These experience was also a big reason for our addiction to pmo bro.
Also these childhood sexual experience + pmo addiction makes us a nice guy too. That is a very dangerous problem as well. Running after approval, running after sex, running for pleasing people. I was a nice guy; Iam also working on that problem of mine as well. You also may have that problem. If you don’t conquer the NG syndrome it has the power to destroy our relationships, love life, and personal life as well.
I suggest you read the book- no more Mr nice guy.
In many cased pmo addiction and nice guy syndrome are directly proportional. If you are addicted to pmo there is a huge chance that you may also be a NG. Not always though
Life is suffering and you need ro find some meaning in order to keep going. To find your inner power to climb back,
to believe in yourself,
to start working on yourself.
Use your pain as fuel to create something which is beyond yourself - no one wants to hear the story of the guy who got everything and didn’t worked for it, warriors must bleed in their training in order to win 100 battles. The skies are quiet, the Gods are waiting for us to meet them after we either win or lose at the battles of life, but we get to choose how we are willing to live while we are still alive on this earth.
These are all clumsy and lousy words. These are nothing. It’ll fade away tomorrow. It’s up to you to change, I myself hate preaching, I myself need to change, I myself know that words are nothing - only actions speak louder.
All the best.
@Element45 easypeasymethod is a God-send. Don’t miss out on it. It a must read above all other addiction books.
I’ve started the original Easyway to stop smoking, and now have an illustrated version too.
What I love about it is; it is not a willpower method, but realistic, and enjoyable to start breaking illusions.
And btw, please be kind to yourself, no need for hate. Nobody here hates you, We all love you and want you to do well, as we all hope the same for ourselves.
Please don’t spend too long thinking about the past and in your worries
@Tagore Thank you for sharing your story bro
It’s sad that we both have to go through this.
You are right bro my relative who abused me was young at that time. It was really hard for me when I was young not knowing what’s happening in my body all of a sudden. It’s good to hear that your doing good in your passion bro.
Maybe you are right at this point too bro, I was way too nice in my childhood and teenage life. I will forgive people easily because I always think in their perspective. Even if the mistake is not on my side I will apologize and because of that people took advantage of me sometimes.
I was not really aware of NG syndrome up until now. I will read the book you suggested and I will work on that bro, Thank you bro for bringing this to my knowledge.
I hope I will succeed in my passion and I wish you the same Bro.
It seems like change is the only good thing I can do to myself. As you said I will work on myself to become a better version of myself. Words may fade away but the pain always exist so I’ll associate that with the words and use it as fuel.
Thanks for the reply bro it means a lot
The words of you may or may not fade away tomorrow but It saved me today and that’s all really matter’s. Thank you !
Yes, it is a very dangerous problem. Trust me, take real action to get out of it. No more Mr nice guy by Dr Clover gives you real actions and steps to get out of it. Be real serious about it.
And as I said, focus 100% only our passion. Pmo and all are crap! Real, concrete, authentic confidence comes from achieving your dreams and living the life and purpose and meaning. We got this bro!
Everything is possible Infront the unlimited human strength and commitment
Brother you are probably right… masturbations addicted are directly related to NG syndrome…
I can literally feel your words. The worst thing about being a nice guy is that woman don’t value you. You are used by them and you are the only reason for this,u allowed yourself to her shoes