Iaurakzai33's diary : Feeling deadweight

I’ve had a journey before of 230 Days (planned to make it to 365) but unfortunately i failed during edging.
It’s been downhill since then with broken records of 20-30 days then absolute downfall of daily practice until misery took over me with the shameful life i’ve brought myself upon.
Gave it another shot in Ramadan but succumbed to the pressures on EID DAY (30th day). Followed by inhumane relapses in hours and hours.
Then watched few videos of journeys to remind myself of the benefits and the life I used to live and decided to give it another go at it. It’s been 11 days and I feel like deadweight with nothing but depressing emotions. I’ve been through these stages but now I feel is the time i’d like to hear thoughts and advices of other heroes who are on journeys to make their lives better.


I just want to tell you one thing that, you did it once, you can do it again even better this time.
You are strong, even now. You proved it on Ramadan I tried to stay clean the 30 days of ramadan but failed at 15.
I used to have deporession too in this 28 days of my streak. Then I found a routine for me which includes mostly studying. I added 15 - 20 minutes of meditation and sleeping at right time and waking up when my body just decides if it’s enough.
I got no other advice to give you fam. Just that having a very good routine, and having some place to check in everyday and talk to for some time, like the RC or CS really makes me not feel sad even though I am mostly just studying.


Thank you brother. Once we accept that it’s going to be constant struggle and to grow is to make tough decisions. Your mind will begin to adapt as you practice.

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