I relapsed! Iam sorry, I couldn't choose death!

A lot of excuses are coming to my mind but I don’t want to say anything. I gave up on myself. I behaved like an animal or a filthy peace of shit yesterday. I saw an erotic video and said to myself just 2-3 minutes won’t do any harm. Then I went to those filthy websites and destroyed my soul. Yes, I literally destroyed it. It was like watching porn for the first time. My heart beat was beating so fast and loud that I thought I would get a heart attack. For 20 minutes my blood pressure was at its peak. After doing the greatest sin in life I cried. I cried and cried. I couldn’t do anything else. I couldn’t even breath. I couldn’t join the happy conversation my family was having. I was isolated. My soul was gone. I couldn’t walk, talk or even smile. I was a zombie. Iam not whining but Iam showing the reality of doing PMO. I came back to this forum and saw the words of my companions in my dairy. I didn’t had the courage to say anything to them. I lost all the challenges, I put all my companions down, I broke all the promises and I put myself down as well. After I released my semen I literally felt that something went away from me. My soul. Please understand, those who are making excuses to do PMO look at my condition. Semen is the most important thing in our life. WITHOUT THAT YOU ARE NOTHING. WITHOUT THAT YOU WON’T ACHIEVE ANYTHING. YOU’LL BE NOTHING IN LIFE. Evoluton has not prepared our brain for this. When you are PMO-ing regularly you won’t understand this. If you want to know the real pain of PMO do it after staying sober for 100 days. I don’t know what else to say. Iam in hell.
Today I woke up at 5 30. I tried reading but I couldn’t focus. My mind was not staying calm. It was running around. It was very hard for me to complete a 5 minutes Meditation session. I tried stretching and got tired after 7 minutes. Then I went out and did jogging. I couldn’t complete even half of the distance I used to run. I felt like I would fall down.
When I came back to my room I saw my vision board and my eyes got filled with tears. I was nothing yesterday. After walking around, crying with a blank heart I had a fight with my mind for 2-3 hours. Then I went to the terrace and did that filthy sin again. Even though I got suicidal thoughts I couldn’t choose death as I promised. Iam a coward now. My semen is my life force. Since it is gone Iam nothing now. Also I take complete responsibility. It was me at the end of the day who conciously said ‘yes’ to do it.
I will come back but this pain is unbearable. I want to let this out somewhere
@josephvt I couldn’t call you yesterday. I was a dead animal, I never thought it would be this hard. Please go on with your streak. If you relapse you’ll be in hell like me.

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Hey man, it happens to the best of us. This by no means that you’ve failed. I see this as a win. Yes it sucks you relapsed, but look at the bigger picture. Look back on all of the progress you have made!! You have grown so strong over this period of time. I don’t know if you see it like that, but all of us know you’ve grown so much as a person. So what an urge got to you and made you relapse, this is just a bump in the road. Walk that shit off and stand taller than before. Fuck everyone that thinks that you have to be on a high streak to grow, create your own happiness no matter what day you’re on. Don’t dwell on the past because you can’t change the outcome no matter what, so you might as well stand up, dust yourself off, and keep pushing forward. No one is perfect, but you’re one strong motherfucker, so keep pushing and keep your head up, king.

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I literally was so so sad when you resseted the counter…I couldnt sleep for yesterday…All my motivation was lossed …Sad that you didnt call me…I know the feeling when you relapse on high streak…Anyway …no problem brother benefits are not died yet it will be back within 10days

Dont fall into chaser effect as much as you can…still benefits are their it will come after 2 - 3days just dont do it again just dont do…thats it…

Brother I personally know you and I think its not a big sin for death…See in my case I fapped hundreds of times and have addiction more than you have but In my case enough is enough I fapped so many times…No more because it ruined my life…Now Iam looking forward to kill the p*** industry and awaken my pro edition for better life

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@Tagore. Find the mistake. Think properly .I CANT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT BRO. its okay.

@josephvt. Dont think any negative thoughts. I am with you. Because ONCE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT RELAPSE MIND WILL FIND EXCUSE. stay more strong.

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I will kill you :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage:. Dont think.

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Dear @Tagore,
When I joined this forum, your diary was one of the first I read and have been following your streak since then. Though I do not react much but I took note of it.
It is indeed a heartbreaking moment to see that circle in Red.
I can’t console much, but can only say that there is only one way to it that is NEVER, EVER.
Being more positive, I can only say that as you have experienced the real pain now, you should avoid it at all cost. Just be mindful and know your mind as a separate entity from your self.

I remeber a quote from my diary

“Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you SYMPATHY; sweat will get you CHANGE.”- Jesse Jackson

So please choose wisely…It’s ultimately YOU who will be affected.

Peace

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Tomorrow will be better, you need to get up and fight again. We are here to cheer you up. The journey to Paradise is never easy. The only easy day was yesterday. Be patient this time will eventually pass.

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Come out of this Dualistic beliefs.

Its all in your mind. It is pretty obvious. If you measure your worth with ONLY your NOFAP streak and not your progress in all the aspects of your life (like waking up 5:30, working out, studying daily 9+ hours,) Then you will feel bad for bullshit meaningless reasons.

yeah, you will fall down definitely.
ALL progress in life gone for just one relapse.
DONT ACT like a KID
GROW UP

ARE you MAD or WHAT?
WTF??

people are living fucking terrible lives and never think of suicide and you want to take your life because you relapsed??? ARe you CRAZY or what?

and what does it mean by “Iam coward now”
Just because you could not choose death or jump from Terrace, you are coward???
is committing suicide an act of bravery??

@Tagore GROW UP
read the latest posts from my diary

@simion I feel you agree with my views. I would be glad if you can help out Tagore

YOU ARE GREAT PERSON @TAGORE
BUT NOFAP IS NOT EVERYTHING
THERE IS MORE TO LIFE

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Hey @Tagore we’ve all been there. Your best option now is to learn from this mistake and do better next time. Your worst option is beating yourself up and make things worse.

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Brother, you see reality is different. Nofap journey can never be linear. Someday you might feel like you are a super human and some days, you feel like dumb shit. But we have to go through it. And also im no one to advice you anything, because I haven’t even completed 2 months. After seeing you relapse, I can understand how dangerous this addiction is.
See our mind is very unstable. We have to try again and again to make it stable. When you choose the right path, your mind will always look backwards but you have to bring your mind again and again to the right path. After trying it again and again your mind will start to obey.
This one failure does not mean you are a failure. You have to get back up.
No need to feel bad we will always be with you

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Sad to hear this dude. I got nothing to sy but to stay strong brother. You did it once, you can do it way bigger this time. What happened has happened, no need to think about it anymore. Just move on. Stay on your ground. Come on the war isn’t over. You’re still breathing, you still got fight left in you. Get up and let’s decide to never watch that shit again.
A relapse is not the end of the world.

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Yeah brother these two days was also tough for me…two nightfall helped me to survive…No problem brother Iam with you…

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Nofap Is Not A De-addiction Procedure"NOFAP IS A LIFESTYLE"

"You Crossed Your addiction Period"
"You Archieved the Popular Nofap 90 days Streak"
"You Are Powerfull Than Before "
"You Are Too Close To Your Recovery"

FAIL

FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING

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Bro, learn from the fall, take courage from your progress, and thank God you get to fight another day.

Life is one big beautiful struggle. You are overcoming this addiction. Believe that.

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Never give up my friend!
I believe in you, I’ll pray for you!

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Whats your Plan B ?
Plan A clearly failed.

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Dear @Tagore,
From the very beginning when I have started using this app, you are the guy who’s post/status always takes my motivation to the extra miles. Now I’m running on my Highest Streak, most of the credit goes to your motivational post…yes…right…Even after reading your honest confession about the feelings after relapsing, it’s motivated me double to keep on the track. That’s
Why
"YOU WERE , YOU ARE , YOU SHALL BE OUR MOTIVATION

Keep away from all the negative thoughts. You are a MAN…return back with more motivation. We need you among us.
Dear @josephvt bro…pls keep in touch with Tagore as much as possible through calling/Video calling, it’s very crucial & sensitive time for him. We need him comeback even more stronger.
Tagore Bro…Yes…You Can

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Damn! Semen is a life force ,yes it is…But just because of a single relapse,you won’t deplete it all unless you binge for a couple…I know it’s exhausting for a while,that you weren’t able to do things with much composure…But usually your brain bounces back to normal,if you were not to remain in that state of regression…Life is all about balance,just like your hormones play in case of both spike and diminished states…Just for the say,i’d like to quote rudyard kipling’s poem: Take Success and failure as merely concepts and learn to treat them both the same …Also for a note ,i guess you should’ve known why only the 1% of people succeed in life…It’s pretty much because they’ve embraced more failures than success,and was strong enough to endure all hardships…I know it’s painful,but why transgress others as well with your relapse. I guess a relapse is not a life losing situation as you exaggerate…Failure will not seem as a big boulder ,if u were able to attain things that you’ve wanted to during the period of sobriety…Be more of optimistic in essence,your efforts should outweigh losses…If it had been the case,you wouldn’t have been all worried in the first place!!!

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Hey bro, everything starts with ‘I am’. The problems that arised now could also be noticed when you have an infection or a cold. How many days does it take to get back from a cold?

An end is also a beginning. Let go of thoughts saying ‘I am’.

A lion sometimes f* a lioness so they can have offspring many many times in a short time period. Yes, he lost a lot of energy. But do you think he should die now because he lost his semen? No, he needs to be strong to defend his terrority and the mother. Also he may hunt soon. So he lays down, chills his ass and after some time, he is ready to go. Back to the game baby.

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Don’t make excuses. It’s for weakest man on earth. Don’t listen to your fuckin mind who want to release that shit dopamine for pleasure. No not at all your mind is not your master idiot you are the fucking beast who master your mind. Let your mind beg you continuously to do that filthy sin but don’t listen to him. Just listen his poor demands and tell him fuck you.
First and last time you have relapse this counter. Listen to your will your soul your energy and fuck this devil habit by your hard decesion. Kill it.

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