I’m struggling with the self-loathing of being a liar. In plenty of situations my lying is considered socially acceptable and I always do it to avoid conflict. With that said I’m getting disgusted with myself. I want to prove that I’m trustworthy and reliable with the truth. I’m too cowardly to confess the truth when I really need to, I want to be a better person. Any advice on where to start would be helpful…
I struggle with lying, white lying, untruth, all manners and forms and types. I’ve flirted with the hellish triad resentful, arrogant and deceitful for quite a while and kept ignoring it. Recently I’m getting myself back together. Been a month, I’m coming up.
Today my truth, I worked diligently in what seema like forever and practices solution oriented conflict resolution and compassion with myself instead of judgment for a change.
Start small, it’s not possible to stop a habit like this cold turkey.
Well, I was about to recommend “No more Mr. Nice Guy” as it is largely about authenticity but your username suggests you are a girl, right?
Also, you have already made a start… by writing this post
From your description it appears that although you seem to describe your self loathing to be the result of your lying habit, I feel the causative flow is more in the other direction. That is, your self loathing is the basic problem, which urges you to lie so that it leads to a perpetuation of the self loathing.
Hence, even as you begin with small steps with regard to being authentic, you should start being more accepting of yourself in all aspects, including the fact that you are taking time to learn to speak truth more often.
I believe there are guided meditations on YouTube with regard to authenticity, you might check them out. Speaking with a therapist might be a good idea, too.
Finally, I really like this post; It’s one of the most honest and courageous ones I have seen on here
I read her post and I was thinking the EXACT PRECISE SAME THING AS YOU
So I’ve just come down from a manic episode that’s lasted about five days. I suppose finals pushed me over the edge. During mania I usually lie like crazy, sadly I can’t always remember it though. I’m debating on reporting this since I’m sure I haven’t been the most honest of people the past few days. I was so happy because I finally got to see friends and did well on my finals. With that said, I’m sure I’ll fact the karma of whatever my behavior during this mania caused. This feels a lot like I’m losing my mind and I’m so disgusted by myself. I can only dream of a life that’s truely lie-free…
Honestly I’m in this situation to begin with because I’m a huge coward. So steps to repair this require me being vulnerable, no matter how much it hurts.
Nofap… is a journey of connecting with yourself… by that i mean… whatever your emotions are… you start living your emotions… you become true with yourself… with the world.
When you become one with yourself… you can not lie…
I wish you good luck for your journey. Your all problems are going to be solved.
Dude, I know. I’ve been trying sooo hard to go cold turkey but it’s almost like a hunger that makes me lash out. It’s especially hard when my big successes probably seem small and pathetic to others.
Wise words. I wish I knew what it meant to be one with myself, I’ve always been so alienated and fragmented as a person. Bring myself is so challenging when everyone in my life keeps making me lose myself.
I appreciate your confession and I hope you know how incredibly strong you are to admit to this. I think everyone struggles with lying to some extent and their just too afraid to admit to it. I wish it was more normalized for those of us who struggle with compulsive lying to be able to admit to this without being shamed. I recently started writing a short story about a compulsive liar and I’ve been pouring all my thoughts and feelings about how it feels into it. It’s been amazing to try to give the pain of it justice. You can do this, it’s worth the fight.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s taken me years to come to terms with this issue and to be strong enough to admit to it. I’m determined to overcome it now, even if it destroys me because so much of my life is built on lies. We all like to say how much we hate liars until we realize we are them. The idea of coming my most authentic self seems daunting but I know it’s worth it. In times i hope that I can condition myself past this. Self-loathing or not it’s always been an addiction of mine. I’ve always had a bit of a denial attitude until the self-loathing would hit me hard. It’s been hard not to give up on myself, it’s been a struggle to know I’m worth it.
I’m broken inside… I’ve taken away my whole identity and my lies feel like a debt that I’ll slowly have to make up for. I’ve had to lie in order to survive and my life lost its meaning as I struggled to cling to it, while wanting to die. I’ve been suicidal from this condition for so long. And thinking that I would eventually kill myself meant I could get away with any lies and the mania took over me. It’s not a web of lies, I feel like it’s really a prison of them. It’s like every lie is a diagnosis of a disease I can’t cure and I’m possessed by that lie. I feel like I can’t live without it and I can’t live with it. The feeling deep in my gut is that I’ll never be worth it and that these cycles will continue until I’m a monster that everyone is ashamed of. I’m addicted, I’m a compulsive/pathological liar and whatever anyone assumes about me is true. I’m not worthy of trust, I need hope… I don’t want to go through this world in isolation, all alone. This darkness inside me has felt like an eternity of feeling unwanted and like I couldn’t even exist unless I lied. I’m just a machine otherwise, I’m nothing with no real will to live unless the lies create the persona I wish I had. Faking it until i could make it ruined my life. Everyone knows I’m a shitty monster and karma has probably damned me to a life of suffering. I hope someday I can forgive myself.
You are a very articulate person.
stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do what is right. stop the lies and start to improve step by step. you have to be merciless and ruthless with this sickness. there are no grey areas in this case, it’s black and white, you can give up and become sub human or you can fight and regain your honor which is not completely lost.
you are not this Monster. but this monster is your greatest enemy. you have to defeat it. as the rest of us.this self loathing is one’s of the monster weapon’s he is very clever liar