I have lost faith

  • Sorry for my english, not my native language *

I don’t know why i abstain from porn and masturbation anymore. It’s like I have lost faith in NoFap and the ability to find out who i truly am without PMO in my life. My highest streak was 40 days and I broke it. I tried and failed. Tried and failed, over and over. For the past couple weeks I have also lost faith in giving up porn. Whenever I have a temptation I would disable the anti-porn filter on my browser and search videos from my now favorite porn producer. Everytime I peek on a picture, i lose control. I go back to my addiction and relapse. I jack off 2-4 times until i cannot keep up and feel super tired afterwards and the skin on my penis becomes sore for a few days.

I don’t have the motivation anymore to make an effort in quitting this sick addiction. If only I’d never got exposed to porn, i would never let my brain get damaged with brain fog and live a successful student life. Everytime i sit on my chair and brows porn, as we all do, find an attractive woman getting penetrated by someone else and you sit there enjoying it. As if it meant nothing, It feels so good to watch and you plan to watch more but you already ejaculated and now don’t want to watch it again. I told myself everytime “this is the last time. This will be the last video i will watch and this will be the last time i masturbate”. And again I fail. Ever since the exam period started i have relapsed every 5-7 days and it does not get any better. Right now i feel so tired and i don’t know if i want to continue in abstaining from PMO when i relapse and get nowhere.

I totally feel the same way as you sometimes… When i edge… I just want to do it because " it feels so good", i edged yesterday, i didn’t relapse.

I understand that quitting pmo can have no sense when you have nothing else…
But, there is one thing i learned in this addiction, it’s that i don’t like it, when i stay myself in front of porn… I can not erect if i concentrate on my true self.
The pleasure in the addiction is just to do it, but the thing it self gives no pleasure, and it’s technically logic… How can we enjoy this kind of garbage knowing what true love can possibly be ? It’s like prefering riding a bicycle to do 300 km instead of a car. No sense.

I’m tired too, i’m depressed too… But when i imagine what i can do with this energy… How many love i can give and receive… I think it’s worth, ejaculating is a very poor pleasure, even if sometimes we think we only have this, i always felt bad in front of this content… And if you want to relapse… Then ok… Why not ? Try to be yourself and you’ll see that this porn is not that attractive. I experienced it. What make a woman beautiful is not only her physic, and trust me, physic is a small part of beauty… I also know that human is attracted by one thing in all his life: truth.
Porn women are fake in their appearance, the scenes are fake and there is no sex… Just some penetration, but no sex.

Liking this shows that we don’t know what true love or sex can feel… I saw it a bit sometimes, and i stopped.

I know today you are drained you just want to give up, like i am… Because we want to feel good.

But it’s not worth. No…

Remember that porn is a small stimulation, i dont care if its bad or not i wont judge, it’s just that there is 0 pleasure and it’s draining your life 0 benefits.

Don’t forget how you feel after relapse… You trade 10 days of regret for 5 secs… Even if 5 sec are good… The price is too big.

Loving a normal girl, who is authentic and true is the best you can have. You need patience ( i know we are sometimes tired to wait…) but it’s worth.

I don’t know for you, but staying in porn is torture for me i will never give up.

Hope it can help…

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You totally just described how I felt. I’ve tried to beat this for a year now and never got past 12 days. I was at that point recently where I just binged over and over and over and finally just threw my hands and said “I quit.”

So I just indulged myself in PMO for a couple weeks. Felt like shit every time “what can I do?” I thought, “this is who I am.”

Then I heard something within scream, “THAT’S NOT TRUE!” I remembered back when I was a smoker I had tried to quit before to no avail and thought the same thing. After my uncle died from a heart attack brought about from his years of smoking I knew that I was heading down the same direction and that I had to change.

I buckled down made a plan and am 2 years smoke free and counting. So I knew that I had to do the same thing here.

Avoid my triggers

Redirect my newfound energy to something else

Pray to God to help me

Never look at anything even remotely provocative

It’s been a week but I never want go back to who I was. It’s not worth it.

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You actually helped me there. I now have the motivation back to start over. When it comes to women however, I used to have a crush on on someone but the problem is I never approached her because of her petite physical shape I always fantasized sexually about her. That is when I realised that porn has damaged my brain, in addition to that, it will always stay on my brain like an implemented chip where i have to find out how to “deativate” it. I have had so many chances and i have blown them away.

That is when I realised that porn has damaged my brain, in addition to that, it will always stay on my brain like an implemented chip where i have to find out how to “deativate” it. I have had so many chances and i have blown them away.

If the brain is damaged ;
How can a damaged-brain know it is damaged?

There is something extra,
Something beyond, something wiser than our brains to say “my brain is damaged”

We are beyond - more special than just our brains.
Have faith in the unknown, and in the unknown you, and the hidden power behind it all.

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