- Sorry for my english, not my native language *
I don’t know why i abstain from porn and masturbation anymore. It’s like I have lost faith in NoFap and the ability to find out who i truly am without PMO in my life. My highest streak was 40 days and I broke it. I tried and failed. Tried and failed, over and over. For the past couple weeks I have also lost faith in giving up porn. Whenever I have a temptation I would disable the anti-porn filter on my browser and search videos from my now favorite porn producer. Everytime I peek on a picture, i lose control. I go back to my addiction and relapse. I jack off 2-4 times until i cannot keep up and feel super tired afterwards and the skin on my penis becomes sore for a few days.
I don’t have the motivation anymore to make an effort in quitting this sick addiction. If only I’d never got exposed to porn, i would never let my brain get damaged with brain fog and live a successful student life. Everytime i sit on my chair and brows porn, as we all do, find an attractive woman getting penetrated by someone else and you sit there enjoying it. As if it meant nothing, It feels so good to watch and you plan to watch more but you already ejaculated and now don’t want to watch it again. I told myself everytime “this is the last time. This will be the last video i will watch and this will be the last time i masturbate”. And again I fail. Ever since the exam period started i have relapsed every 5-7 days and it does not get any better. Right now i feel so tired and i don’t know if i want to continue in abstaining from PMO when i relapse and get nowhere.