I have discovered my reason of porn addiction

So I have been addicted to porn for atleast the last 6 years, I am 18 now so since I was 12. I have been practicing NoFap for 2 years now with my longest streak being a little over 60 days.
That 60 streak I achieved happened out of no where. One day the urges stopped coming and everything went back normal, it was a beautiful feeling. I was happy and everything seemed soo good. I miss that period of my life. After those 60 days an urge came, and it was a minute one, a very simple urge but I relapsed instantly. And since theb the longest I have managed is 10 days and that was achieved after constantly fighting urges, it wasnt like my magical 60 days when the urges stopped. This intruiged me, so i decided to look at it from a psychological perspective.

I have social anxiety and it can get pretty bad eslecially when I am in new environments. Also I have a really unaffectionate household and am mostly alone in the house as both of my parents work and I like the seclusion. But since this quarantine they are home much more often, they still go to work as the are essential workers(thank god) but i still see alot more of them. And my parents are really bad at emotional support, like they are the absolute worst. I dont share anything with them, we barely talk. So if they are home alot with me it makes things messy. And my home has been my escape from anxiety and since now even there i cant catch a break my PMO habit has gotten worse.

I have not had a streak of more than 24 hours for the last 45 days. I have just relapsed again.

What I have noticed is that my anxiety is a root cause of my addiction. I actually seem to have no addiction to porn itself, but actually the repeated dose of dopamine which causes my senses to be numbed and calms me is what attracts me. Those 60 days in which I was porn free existed because things were going good in my life, my exam results were good, i had made friends, i had started to converse with the girl i like, and i had won a sports tournament at my highschool. I was comfortable with my environment and wasnt anxious anymore so there we no urges. The urge i got later was probabbly some stress that i had occoured. I was having a good day today and was positive that i wont relapse but then i had an argument with my parents.
I locked myself in my room and lay in my bed for about an hour. The feeling i was having then, the symptoms of anxiety were very similar to what i feel when i have urges. I resisted it for quite a while but then couldnt anymore and relapsed. After that the anxiety vanished as if nothing had happened, but it was replaced by guilt.

So my friends this is an endless cycle for me, anxiety -> relapse -> guilt -> in securities and anxiety -> again relaspe
Now the only way to beat this addiction is to bear the anxiety, face my fears and look for healthy means to fix my anxiety.

I hope that now that I now what my exact problem is will make it much more easier for me to beat this addiction.

Wish me the best of luck and if any of you suffers from any similar issues feel free to shoot me a message.

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The best thing to do with any negative feelings or urges, is to observe them. Don’t act, don’t judge. Simply observe them in a meditative state. Observe your anxiety, and feel it. Cry if you have to, do whatever to express the anxiety. Be like Christ on the cross (although I’m not religious, I feel it’s a good analogy). Suffer in the moment, to become stronger afterwards. Don’t try to solve the problem of anxiety short-term, by defaulting to porn. Bear the suffering and become stronger. This method will help you feel your emotions more clearly, and help you control them in the end. But first, let them exist, and take no action whatsoever. This can take however long it needs to. Can be 10 minutes, can be an hour. Hope this helps :slight_smile:

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I got you man. All my highest streaks were possible because life was going nice for me. Now things have changed. I don’t feel as good as I felt during my good times, but I’m fighting my demons daily. Keep going, we got this!

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Yes i have implied that technique once or twice and it works remarkably but it needs self discipline and control which i lack so i havent been able to practice it much often. I am working on fixing it, i have started meditating daily for atleast 5 minutes.

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@TheWindWaker most us get addicted to porn in the first place is becasue we are trying to fill a void, if we practice NoFap that void becines empty again and we are at risk of filling it with porn again or something else that provides instant gratification or numbs us. The proper way to defeat this problem is to fix the void as well.
There is a book called " 12 rules for life " its by Jordan Peterson who is psychologist and a motivational speaker. The great thing about this book is that it explains everything from a psychological perspective and with scientific propfs which make it more motivating.
I suggest that you give it a read.

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Good book! I’ve read it as well

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