I feel down and negative at the same time

I am on my 26th streak and I feel very down and negative. It’s like a have relapsed and yet I truthfully know that I did not do it. Instead I started to adopt this new personality, “Suave guy” which I consider now that I have taken it wrongly. I have followed an advise on how to create a James Bond charisma which now I feel that I am doing it wrong. Every time my friends and others have fun, I just look so serious. Every time they laugh, I don’t find anything they say funny. Every time I walk past a girl I like, i turn mentally cold which in this case I smile at her but I look away and don’t look at her after that smile. This exact moments happened before when I was fapping. The first time I reached so far is when my second year in college started and there was this opening-week festival for students with parties and activities. Yet I have felt so positive at that time and now this is my second time I have reached that far. I don’t know if that is a side effect of reaching this far or is it this personality I have adopted…

I think you know it’s the personality you’ve adopted. On the bright side, it shows you can be whoever you want to be, and it also shows it’s something external, adopted, and not the real you.

Personas are good things, because they are the character and door-way for others to get to know you, and find a way in, without you having to tell your life story and start resorting to deep truths, taking everything too seriously.

The trick is knowing you don’t have to have your mind made up about everything or feel the compulsion to correct others, but stick to the deep meaningful, joy bringing goals you agree on.

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