I don't want any of this

Right now, I’m having really toxic mind

you know, everything become shit in matter of days. and because of that, I’m itching to smack that little Johny down there. I got jealous from my friend achievement. yeah envy for their success , I hate myself

and I hate myself for thinking hating myself thinking wanna relieve myself with fap. arg… this loop of hell.

Week before, I decided to change myself by volunteering to become the leader for managing the team for webinar. at first it feel good, now it’s not. it’s fcking hard, everything goes to zero fcking fast. I’m on tight schedule, my proposal arrive late and rejected in the end. Now my teammates have to revised it over again and we have little time remaining. Many of my teammates become ghost where I need their professionalism the most.Because my class happens to be online, can’t focus on single thing in class, and my mind always wonder to bad thing.Honestly deep down inside just wanna go crazy to forget this problem. Envy, Accumulated Stress, and problem with parents. yeah.

I can see now why most people decide to relieve oneself, than facing the problem. Yeah, it’s fycking hard.

Idk guys, I just wanna share this story, Hoping after this making my mind regained it’s sanity. Man, relapse is near.

I’m sorry if I became like a little btch, but man, never know it’s going to be this hard than it actually do.

Hey there man.

It is okay we all have a tike were everything gets too much. You ain’t a little btch. Trust me at days I struggled too even on this forum wanna leave or just stop and restart as stuff gets too much.

But importantly don’t give up even if things look bad. You have identified everything that’s going wrong and it is mostly connected to your thoughts!

  1. Don’t compare rather focus working and better yourself.

  2. Make a fresh start with your group. Apologise and push new energy into the website. Be on time and encourage more to work and also compliment here and there will get people to feel better. Show up and show your strong leadership skills!!

  3. Don’t make it a negative thing if your parents put pressure on you. They just wanna motivate you to do more and not to be lazy.

  4. Relieve yourself of the frustrations. Squeeze a stress ball, go for a walk or punch a punching bag or do some intense workouts. Even reaching out to someone also works!

  5. Calm yourself down. To be calm and persent in situations, will cause you to talk calmer and will avoid arguments, you will focus more and when everything is planned and calm you’ll feel better too.


  7. Also with hard work gives hard play time. Working for maybe 45 min and the play 30 mins games or relax. Allow relaxing time it will make everything efficient .

Hope this helps! Good luck and stay strong and awesome!!!

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I see, thanks @Cubenix for your awesome advice. I’m calm right now, almost relapse, but don’t do it. Thank God for I prepared BlockerX for those time, It immediately block my phone when I search something. Then at those I have little control, I block my phone and go straight to bed. And here I am now. So thanks for your reply

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