I stopped drinking alcohol 5 years ago, drugs 7 years ago and cigarettes 18 years ago, but damn, ■■■■ is the hardest addiction I ever tried to stop.
There were times I could go months without relapsing, and now I seem to relapse every two weeks.
It’s fascinating how the mind tricks me every time. But after years trying to stop I quit feeling bad about it and started to be compassionate with myself, because this is a hell of a challenge!
Let this be the last relapse.
I am Thomas and I used to be an ■■■■ addict.
I’m super determined to make it work this time, hence this diary as a support for myself. Forever is my goal.
The systems I’m changing this time:
No pc after 7pm and minimize usage during the day
Phone in airplane mode after 7pm and out of the bedroom
Created a 365 days calendar and I cross the coming day off in the morning BEFORE IT HAPPENED. I place my hand to my chest and state “I can overcome this addiction because I love and respect myself”. At that moment I already decided not to fap that day.
More active on Rewire companion forum.
See you later, we can do this!
Edit: Here’s my sharing code in case you want to add me: g9nl6f
The first week is usually not an problem for me, it’s around 14 days that is the first challenge.
However, I took the challenge to rewire my brain from day 1, using other urges as a template.
Some examples;
when I start a pack of oreo’s I would easily eat half the pack, now I restrict myself and can only eat two.
When eating breakfast, no cellphone / books / any distraction, just me and the food.
I put my phone on airplane mode when I go to sleep (and keep it out of the bedroom) and can only turn airplane mode off once I finished breakfast and morning exercises.
Basically training the mind to ask first if it’s okay to indulge in some urge (and usually it’s an NO).
Let’s see what this gives in the next seven days.
Keep it going fellow people. Love and respect yourself!
Just an update of inspiration, the following man has been doing nofap for the last 9 years: Sarvesh Shashi, and he is rocking life!
This postcast was a joy to listen to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0NTMSFBmv0
Other than that, energy is back to normal levels, what a difference with day 0 - 7.
Other than that, my mind is beginning to poop up small tests, libido seems higher and dreams are also getting more sexual.
The past 3-4 times I relapsed around day 14, so I need to be extra vigilant these days.
I firmly believe I can easily traverse these days just by sticking to these rules:
No digital devices after 7pm
Morning statement and intention to do nofap that day
Don’t push away ‘unwanted’ emotions, thoughts,… Just let them be and don’t fall into the content.
Daily walks, meditation and yoga
This is a journey we can only do by ourselves, but we can support each other in that. Keep going strong people!
It feels like this streak is the final one. Although I’ve learned over the years to be humble, not letting my cockiness take over. Taking it day by day is key, moment by moment even.
We can be thankful for this addiction, it is teaching us so much about ourselves. Teaching us how to overcome our deepest seducer, and with that giving us the keys of determination, discipline, emotional stability, acceptance, confidence, and so much more.
It’s up to us, to each day decide, that this is another day free of pmo, because we love and respect ourselves.
This is a nice milestone, let’s double it. The past 30 days felt easy, not sure why, but most probably because I really want to succeed this time. And the daily morning decision to stay clean that day is a good daily reminder.
Also getting rid of all the social media junk will have removed a lot of triggers. I’m not even watching youtube anymore except for when it’s needed for research.
So yeah, next major milestone day 60, day by day.
Keep going guys! Know that fapping to pixels is fake.
Somehow the last few days the mind threw several ‘negative’ emotions at me, felt very sad for a while, very angry, lazy, tired. All without a particular reason. Not feeling like doing my meditation sessions (but doing them anyway).
I loosened the ropes a little bit and allowed screen time after 7pm, only to watch a movie. I believe it’s important to be nice to yourself, and going through that emotional rollercoaster it seemed time for a break.
With all that, I noticed more sexual-tinted past events popping up, images of ex’es or flirts. As usual, once I notice them I let them go and observe the body instead.
If the whole period of day 30 till 60 is going to be like this I’m in for a ride
Its good to know I will start the new year with a running streak of 43 days. All the previous relapses have given me the strength an tools to keep going strong without forcing anything.
The last weeks I’ve been thinking about doing a whole year without any sexual activities nor dating etc, so basically celibacy the whole year. It hasn’t been decided yet, but I’m doing 10 days of silence and meditation the first weeks of January, and after that period I will know if I go forward with this.
Happy newyear to all and instead of sorrowing over relapsing, learn for them. They show you what to work on.
Spread love
I’ve finished my silent & meditation days last monday, and decided on not to enforce celibacy. I am however going to refrain from dating and pursuing romantic acts for the moment. This for the first half of the year and then re-evaluate.
The highest priority stays nofap, which is going well so far. Sometimes there is a wanting for sexual release, as there is wanting for so many things in life. The more we learn to restrain ourselves, the more we are free from having to act on those things we supposedly want.
I hope you all improve a lot on this journey this year!
So, 60 days since my last relapse. I believe it’s about acceptance, acceptance of all those emotions and triggers that make us relapse. Accepting that there we were fooled so many times by our urges and ‘just one peek’. And maybe even laugh with the absurdity of this all.
Keep it simple: Every day you know you were able to do that amount of days. So you can add that same amount again!
So today is for me day 101, so I know I can reach day 202!
Same for you, whether you are on day 1 or day 9999.
So a couple of days ago, I looked at porn, masturbated and ejaculated. It was quite weird waking up while ejaculating. So yes, I looked at porn in a dream, and woke up from the orgasm.
There is no control over my dreams so this is not a relapse. However, after a 210 days, my wet dreams still default to masturbating to porn, instead of having intercourse with a real person.
This shows how sick my mind became by watching porn.
Get rid of this nasty habit guys, this is making your mind sick. Wish you all the best!
Your mind sticks with what you did last time. For example me doing escorts and prostitues in last 4 months, my mind swap to that and dreams are only about intercourses with real women. And now I don’t have any urges to watch porn but I do have to go the brothels.
But this may be my mind only, and probably not all minds work the same.