Hyperion's Personal Legend

Greetings to my fellow rewire companion. To begin, I have the urge to write on the forum but I’m still new here and not familiar with the norm. This is perhaps my greatest initiative to spend my time and energy to rebuild myself as a better person through the wisdom of the wise and suggestions of the experienced :innocent:. I highly encourage constructive discussion in any part of my personal legend.

Appreciation

First, allow me to thanks @Adioz_aka_Adidas for encouraging me by sending me the very first private message that I ever receive in the forum. Somehow, his first move creates a ripple in my heart to begin writing my diary in this forum. I would like to thank @Forerunner for being such an inspiration. You’re very brave for sharing your personal identity for the sake of other people (something that I highly admire about you). Last but not least to the companion that came across to my Diary, I wish you all the best in your journey to self-growth. Great things are not done by impulse but by a series of small things brought together over a long period.

Info

Age-23
Gender-M
Mode- Monk Mode (Abstaining from Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm, and any prohibited fantasizing.)
sharing code-39gdjz

My Personal Legend

I begin with a quote from The Alchemist.

"Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dream of when he first made the decision."

What you will get from my personal legend is how I overcome this addiction with my unorthodox method. Keep in mind, not all people are compatible using my style. Some day, I will share some paragraphs from the books I’m currently reading. And, if I have the privilege of time I might share something very interesting along the way that might help with your journey of self-improvement. Be aware, everything in the world is dynamic ever-changing.
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Welcome to the community brother @Hyperion
Creating diary is the stepping stone for success but how hard you work to recover will prove your dedication towards it.
I hope you progress every single day. :+1:

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Day008

Addiction is a sign of poor self-control and immature subconscious

What you need to understand deeply from NoFap/semen retention is to learn to have the attitude “I’m in charge of myself.” We speculate that pornography destroyed our lives and we try so hard to avoid looking at porn and anything that might trigger the us to relapse. However, the underlying reason for our addiction is far profound than that. Our brain still resembles four-year-olds because we are still unable to recognise our basic subconscious animalistic needs; food, air, water, shelter, sleep and importantly sex. Unless we reprogram back our subconscious into a more mature state we can have a life free of addiction. Thus, the term rewire.

Our brain has 2 kinds of mental processing. As you might be familiar with the terms subconscious mind and conscious mind. The brain can be recognised to have bottom-up and top-bottom mental processing. The first is faster in the brain, involuntary, driven by impulse and emotion, executor of our habit, routine and main guidance for our interaction with other people.

On the other hand, the top-bottom mind is slower, voluntary and require our conscious(effort) to think and the seat of our self-control. Top-bottom processing can silence our impulses and is the main reason we can learn from our missteps and take control of our automatic repertoire (to an extend).

The problem is not about porn or sexy model but rather our subconscious or our master program that responsible for our concept of self. Addictor often have premature subconscious leading to poor Self control. Your behavior, habits and feelings are the results of these bottom-up processes of the brain that we often neglect their growth.

By mastering rewiring, we enhance the executive function of our brain widening the gap between impulse and action, resulting in improved capacity to observe our mental process rather than being swept away by them. You guess it, here comes the benefit of having greater self control.

:triumph: Does not get distracted easily.
:timer_clock: Able to manage time and resources efficiently.
:writing_hand: More focused achieving goals.
:person_in_lotus_position: Can regulate their emotion very well.

All of these benefit will result in improve overall wellbeing of life. Here i taken from a book written by Daniel Goleman, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence. Since there is pre-explanation to the following statement.

Briefly, they mention a study done on children to test their willpower. Assuming you have known the marshmallow test where the children will be given extra marshmallow only if they resist the temptation for 15 minutes. They tract back the children when they grown, the researchers found that those who had the cognitive control to resist the marshmallow longest were significantly healthier, more successful financially, and more law-abiding than the ones who had been unable to hold out at all.

This shows that above all, self-control is a more powerful predictor of success than IQ, social class or family history.

(ps: Why rewire matters, it turns boys into men.)

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Unfortunately, today I relapsed despite what I have written to everyone. I realized what I(we) do before I(we) started to relapse really matter especially when I(we) feel tempted and bored or just came across some random pic on ig or elsewhere. There is a need to interact with all sorts of stimuli. Even when we In the bathroom taking our time to wash our parts seeing genitals do causes an unconscious reaction. We can know this by feeling the sudden erection or what came across our mind at that moment.
What perhaps causes my relapse is due to a lot of things, but I want to go with intrapersonal reasoning. About two days before relapse, I started to care less about challenging fantasies (inner sexual thoughts). Despite how small it is I don’t say a word to myself (in my mind) when encountering PMO. And what happened the following day is I had a dream of living with the girl of my dream (I never had an erotic, too good to be true kind of dream previously on strong affirmation). This kind of dream or fantasy is a sign of relapse. And what came after that (today) is I felt an intense urge to look around those things and I don’t care what happen. Despite my other mind keep flashing back those benefits of NoPMO.

Long story short, avoiding what triggers us to relapse is one thing but we can’t forever be avoiding those triggers. And strengthening our mindset is another thing. From this, we could really see how small reinforcement telling our consciousness ‘NO’ to relapse or PMO could help; small talk before we head on to the battlefield of our recurrent addiction. (in my small opinion)

(ps: I know I’m really good at analyzing, somehow deep down in my heart I want to ignore all the logic and go with my emotions. Our basic instinct as human beings. I’ll be gone for a while for at least 4 days to recuperate. Good bye)

Honestly I don’t blame you for not controlling your thoughts. There will be times when we are vulnerable to addiction no matter how hard we fight. What I have learnt from my past failures is that we cannot fully depend on willpower to succeed in No fap. I have taken some steps to succeed in No fap a few days ago. I hope it may work for you.

I used Stay Focused to permanently block apps while I used Your Slice which works in such a manner that you can use a particular app on specific mentioned timing.
I deleled social media like Instagram, Twitter , Facebook etc. Now the only source of social media I cant delete is You Tube.

I used Stay Focused to block you tube.
The good thing about Your Slice app is that it can block itself. So here it as follows

  1. Used Stay Focused to Block You Tube
  2. Used Your Slice to block Stay Focused and Your Slice ( I did this to so that I can prevent myself from unblocking You Tube when my urge is bad.)

Now Your Slice will ask you to specify the time interval to use a particular app. I typed the following
Starts: 5 am
Ends : 5 am
By doing this you are blocking Your Slice permanently. I know its bit complicated but its worth the try. I was saved from many strong urges those times. The only way you can escape from this permanent block is to delete these app.

I joined one challenge in the forum, where my daily goal is not to delete those apps.

My another source of relapse was laptop. I kept it in the drawing room and promised myself no to change its position.

This is for you @Hyperion I know its super long. But i believe this strategy will help you.

That’s actually a good idea thanks for recommending.

(@risinglion123 ) If i were to delete my social media i’m afraid to lose the feeling of knowing about my friends or relatives. There is a need to know what other people are doing.
I admit sometime it’s important to forget about other people and priorities our self. How do you take the leap of minding your own business. Sometime I think there is a need for us to update stories in Instagram just for people to know that we exist. Don’t you think that’s how we connects with peoples in this modern world?

I’m back on day 4 of no PMO. Things that i do after relapse and things that happen to me after i been away from forum for a while.

:yellow_circle: After consuming ashwagandha for the past few weeks, i realized i had strong libido lately in early morning(4-5am). Therefore, I reschedule my intake of ashwagandha in the morning after breakfast (so that i wont have crazy morning wood).

:green_circle: I also started going to gym and lifting heavy weights. I go to gym more often in the evening. I realised after 2 days of weightlifting, i have tremendous energy and meaningful motivation hits me hard to do wonderful things. The most important things is i have gym friends that push me to try hard. I felt connected. I hope these meaningful event more often hit me. I feel fulfilled.

:red_circle: There is a girl that often reply to my social media stories, and today i looked at her stories and i somehow got turned on, but not in weird way. What gets me into this girl is because i think she has the potential to understand me (so i consider her a good friend). The way of how she treats her young nephew is something i want her to treat me. lol i know this is funny. she’s a kind of girl that doesn’t want to injured your pride. She seems to know men’s ego very well. Maybe this is because she has lose her father at such young age. Interestingly, i don’t think she has strong jealousy towards other people (but i will often take note on this) . Not to say she is an ideal choice but she never open her feelings to me and seems rather a simple person. To my mind she is such a gorgeous, gentle, sweet ,passive and warm person. Quite astonishing feminine personality. But my rationale side is thinking otherwise, i dislike her for not opening her feelings towards me, maybe i just imaging she likes me too (lollolol cringe alert). IDK weather she’s playing dumb about love with me or I’m not being direct towards her… [damn i can’t think whhy i should avoid her but i’m always cautious around her].

:green_circle: Everything is good for the past few days despite i often got blueticks in WhatsApp. The people that i have helped previously turned their back to me and pretend i don’t exist and it really hurts in my meow meow (pun intended).

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(ps: my gym’s friend is a dick, he would laugh at my funny face and sound i made while heavy lifting. fuck you.)

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I used to experience that situation in common. It is due to this reason that I began to focus on myself than others. It may not give enough happiness compared to the happiness that you get helping others but it will give you a sense of satisfaction and contentment rather than being hurt due to ignorance

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Actually I started a social media detox in my phone and its helping me a lot. And also rather than posting stories in Instagram I tell my stories to others by calling them personally and vice versa. Calling people personally and chatting with them for hours used to give me more happiness than posting my stories in social media.

But if your job requires access to social media. I cannot suggest you to delete those. Honestly, your diaries are giving me a positive vibe. Keep posting brother :slightly_smiling_face:

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Damn, I think I’m in the flatline phase now. I feel low enthusiasm, boring all day long. Sexual thoughts seem less arousing. Today, I forced myself to read. Although I do some planning early in the day, I abandon it straight away because why not lol. I was about to text some girl and I said, ugh let’s just forget about it. Not sure if I’m being badass or cool. Either way, I must be both(lol :laughing: ). I really want to socialise very damn badly but not through social media. I want to meet real people and talkkk and feel their energy.

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(Ps: despite i already have had meals throughout the day, my hunger is still unsatisfied,i feel i can eat the whole rewire community rn omnomnomnom… Jk only ,but seriously i’m hungry af now)

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Day 19

I started to realized i read books more than i can actually finished them :joy:
I wasn’t doing much today. I listen to music watch some videos and chating with friends. For the past couple of weeks i think something new for me was, i started hitting gym and reconnect with my childhood friend. For my relationship, i guess i have some emotional entanglement with this girl. she is a childhood friend of mine. Well, not that i want to have a girlfriend but she seems highly independent person. I consider her as a street smart kind of person. I hope i could learn her life skills, could be my greatest assets of growth. i deeply admire her grace.

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Day 2

On day 34 I relapsed, however, I felt good during the first 3 chaser effect. Then after the fourth relapse, I feel terrible, low self-esteem and somewhat pathetic. I need to climb back to the top. I was desperate thinkin about girls because having girls was somehow the only thing that feels nice at the time(and my friends seems to have it) During those streak i indulge myself with dating platform despite having regular exercise and reading schedule. I don’t know what to do, when i’m on high streak it just feels so nice to relapse. Right now i don’t think i ever will reach my dream. I’m feeling so confused.

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Hi brother , Happy to see you after a long break :slightly_smiling_face:

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I was doing well, my magic is gone and all hope perish fml

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I’m happy to see you again

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Why :thinking: ???

Hey hey, it’s day 25 and a few days before a month. Honestly, time moves so fast when you keep working on your craft. I have seized the opportunity to enrol in the army’s officer course. My reason is to make my day count. I hope the army will give me the opportunity that I ever wanted. In return, I will give my service to them. Throughout the days after my last relapse, I often remind myself not to think or even entertain such thoughts. That also includes being conscious in dreams to avoid nocturnal emission. What keeps me going is only my dream. It governs every choice that I made daily. It takes patients and delayed gratification.

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Wow that’s superb bro :fire: .

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