I gave this advise to a fellow brother here on rewire companion and I figured I’d share it with the rest of the community.
The first thing you need to know is that Only a small portion of communication is the words. The rest is body language, tone of voice, chemicals in the body and so on.
If you are feeling nervous and tell you wife “we need to talk.” Then her body will sense that you are nervous and start to produce a neurotransmitter called adrenalin. Adrenalin makes the body ready for fighting or running away. Her body is getting ready to receive bad news. Not a very good start for a conversation about something as important as your addiction.
The best way to have a conversation that is difficult, is to do like this.
Sit on the other side of her and look her in the eyes. Then you take turn to tell each other what you appreciate or love with each other.
You can start with small things like “I appreciate that you did the dishes today”, then she might say “I appreciate that you did the shopping”. Do this for a while and then move on to things like “I love when you do ----”, “I love your beautiful eyes” and so on.
What happens when you take turns and tell each other what you appreciate and love about the other one is that the body starts to produce a neurotransmitter called oxytocin. This is the same chemical that makes us fall in love. This will strengthen the bond between you as a couple.
And it will also make it easier for you to talk about difficult things.
Another good communication technique is Non Violent Communication by Marsall Rosenberg. And something called IMAGO communication. You can find both of them on YouTube
Love and respect