So, this is going to be a part- confession part- seeking advice.
The thing is due to past experiences in my life, my faith in humans has eroded. I don’t trust anybody in the world except for probably my parents and siblings. I feel very detached from this society and the human world that I’m compelled to live in. But it seems to be tough that I’ll be able to continue like this secluded, introverted person anymore, since I need to get a job and for that I’ll need to trust people. I’m trying to get in civil services, but its pretty hard to work as a civil servant without trusting anybody at all. I don’t have any faith in people around me, in the government and bureaucracy, in schools,colleges and all the teachers,lecturers,professors teaching there, no faith in any religious ideology (only pray to destract my mind from PMO) , and more importantly I have absolutely no faith in any female on this Earth. This makes it worse, because even though I have pledged that I’ll go single and unmarried my whole life, there are female administrators in the system too, and there’ll be female applicants seeking my help when I get in the services as well, but the thing is not only do I find women unloyal and untrustworthy, I also look at all of them with suspicion. My mind is filled with dirt and I believe that all the females on this Earth will betray their fathers, brothers,husbands, religious women will betray their religion, and most importantly all the women will betray their nation, language, culture and pride for materialistic needs. My brain got even more screwed in 2018, when I joined the incel community. Although, very soon I realized that the incel community is filled with scammers, liars and fakes which even eroded the little bit faith I had in human males. In late 2018, I decided to change my life. I quit social media, started severe physical training routine, began to study hard, began my attempts at nofap. And I feel, that I have been recording victories upto some extent in all areas of my life, except for this one. I am still unable to trust anybody. Its not that I don’t want to trust people, but my brain doesn’t allow me to.
So, its a request to anybody who has overcame this mental illness, to help me out of this mess so that I can be a better person for this society , till the time I’m here.
Reason why I am posting this here is because most people here are men, some of whom might have had the same issues. And probably there would be someone who might be able to understand me and probably show me a way out of this.
Brother @PrDr ! I hope you will understand my point !
Ask yourself why do you need to trust anyone ?
Do you really need anyone. I don’t know much about it. But being a civil servant you just have to make sure about you that you are happy and you are not doing anything wrong. Why is a need to trust anybody, You just to make sure that the work is done correctly and being at a higher post. You just have to give orders. And one more thing brother (for the matter of girls)
You have to start valuing yourself build so much confidence inside of you. That if someone leaves you must be so confident about yourself and about your standard that you will respond by saying "Agar kisi ko jana ho to jae ab kisi ko bandh ke thode rakh sakte hai ". Why do you need to trust. You feel that much low about you that you will not get better than her.
Believe in the process whatever happens bro sooner or later in life, you will realized It happened for your benefit. (connecting the dots).
I don’t trust anyone and nobody trust me.
Why should I care about anyone should I trust him or not. I am being with him/her because I feel good and the moment I don’t feel good then why to be with that person.
Just make sure that you are not wrong brother ! Be cheerful to others, Be helpful and automatically Your social life will get better.
Brother ! I apologize if any of my statement hurts you, Because I don’t know everything about you, what have u been through and what scenario made your thinking this way. I am sry for it.
Wish you best of luck brother !
You Don’t need anyone, but someone needs you (your parents)
Thanks btother.
I cannot tell you everything about this as to how it started and how my faith eroded in humanity. There are many experiences and not one because of which I don’t believe anyone.
As for why do I need to trust people?
Look bro, I can go long like this if I am in any other area of life, but I’ll tell you why I’ll need to trust people in civil services. You see, some officers are corrupt and many are not. Many people have genuine issues and many just bluff. Then you have seniors, who’ll ask you to do something for betterment of people, but you’ll not trust your senior and instead start doing things your way because you feel that he might be lying and have some hidden motives. Then you’ll have to trust your juniors that they’ll listen to your plan and execute it on the ground levels. But since you don’t trust anybody, you don’t believe that your juniors will do it and its humanly impossible to build roads,create dams,carry out developmental project, listen to grievances, carry out operations, look after the work in your office, create plans and then think of new developmental ideas all by yourself. You’ll need the assistance of others, and for that to happen, you’ll need to learn trusting others. I am one of those people who would never ask for anyone’s help to carry out his work. I have completed such projects in school alone which required a group of 5 people for others. Well, they always got better numbers and always did it way quicker than me. I had problems trusting teachers in school, coachings and then professors in the university and even books, so I often studied the same thing from multiple sources which meant that I was never able to complete my course. This led to me failing in 11th class and then passing with second division in the first year of university. Even now that I’m preparing for thia exam, I have studied the same subjects from multiple sources just to be sure that its all true. This has ensured that even after nearly 1.5 years I have not completed my whole syllabus even once. But the thing is after I get in the civil services, this won’t be only about me. I’ll be serving people, working for them, their welfare and for that I’ll need others’ assistance , for which in turn, I’ll need to trust people. I hope I could make you understand this.
And no bro, I don’t care much about females in general sense. Its just that there will be some genuine females in the services and females who’ll come with genuine grievances, whom I’ll need to trust. Thats why I said that I need to erase the dirt of seeing females as betrayers in particular.
I can not be a person who is going to live with the past for the rest of his life. I need to change my mentality. And when I say trust, I don’t mean blind trust. Just trust enough so that I can take help of others and can be able to help others.
I hope I was able to make you understand about my issues bro @rewire_user .
This is with me too… But i am more motivated when i am alone and i trust animals more than humans.
It’s easier to trust animals, because we know that animals don’t know tjose deceitful tactics of humans. You know that this animal can be dangerous, that will be harmless, this animal wants this, that animal wants that etc… which you can’t tell about humans. I also love animals. @StealthChopperinbond
You are absolutely right about this brother ! @PrDr
Totally agree with you, I too was planning to prepare for civil services because of the power it gives to you !. But since now I am grown, I really don’t wanna handle so much pressure which is put to do something which is against your will. If you have corrupt senior, then you have to just" keep calm and keep kaam se kaam rakhna hoga bhai ". You have to do whatever he ask. You too will have to play in their way. Being corrupt because you cannot execute things on your own and then you have minister who need to manage their social life and You have to do what they says.
I agree and I don’t think there is solution to it. As per my knowledge.
But one thing I can tell is,
what I have learned and this is one of the most important lesson of my life.
" Is duniya me har chez ki ek keemat hoti hai, Har chez ko khareeda jaa sakta hai bus keemat sahi honi chahiye". You can buy anything which you want , even humans. If you have money, No work of your’s will be stopped.
I developed this feeling when my uncle was very upset and he was at a very bad stage of life and only hope was with the government officer who was not giving money to my uncle. And then he was very disappointed and then he met a man who was considered to be rich in the city. I was also there he told he will talk to him and the officer said to come to his house. And He said to my uncle, (pay attention) I still remember the way he said. He said " Bhai har chez ki na keemat hoti hai ".
He was talking to the officer and the officer rejected and said I am busy will do it afterwards.
And that man expression changed and he said " we will give you x amount of it will it be done by tomorrow ? ". And the next day my uncle got the money.
That day I learned something. " Everything has it’s value,
Everything can be brought just the price should be right".
You might not agree with me, I know.
Yes! you are right, You cannot buy happiness with money but will you be happy without any money you cannot even survive without money.
Some people yes they are rich but are depressed. There are cases.
But money just boost the way you live your life.
I apologize if anything which hurts you. It is what I think.
Everyone has his own opinion.
No bro @rewire_user, nothing that you said was hurtful. And what you are saying is also true.
Well, but I have several reasons to go into civil sevices. First thing is, I want to make my parents happy, even if only for once. I have given them so much pain, and since being an IAS officer brings prestige to one’s family, I feel it’ll make them happy. Second, I have seen a lot of adveraities in my life and I want to make it better foe future generations. I can even earn a licelihood by working as a MNREGA worker, but I feel that bringing a change is way more important and I feel I can only do that effectively after I get into civil services. Third, I am a graduate in Biology. Technically, its impossible for me to get a good paying job or any job for that matter with this degree and qualification. Also, I am 24, I am already above the required age for majority of other govt exams which require you to be 22. I cannot go back to doing masters and phd as that’ll take too much time.
If I’m being honest bro, I don’t want to live here in this human society . I feel suffocated. But I am here because of my parents and whatever I do, in one way or other , has to do with them. I want them to be happy because of me just once, be proud of my deeds even if for only one time. More importantly, I want to do something so that they don’t feel ashamed because of me anymore.
Your all reasons are so powerful and worthy to get the goal. @PrDr
Definitely working hard will not get you that much up in life then doing smart work.
Brother, I am not qualified to give this advice but I can tell that,
Revision matter more than anything in any exam.
And read books about smart work.
Grow your knowledge brother !
This country needs men like you. Make your parents proud bro
Brother, This world ! I agree that it’s toxic. And If I am gonna tell you the world is going to end tomorrow you and I are the type of person who will be happy on that situation.
But “the one who has no fear of dying, kills the maximum number of enemies in the war”.
Be that guy be fearless.
Watch this bro ! It’s not just about girls, It’s important to understand this concept of trust. This video will definitely help you.
Bro, seriously I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I can’t really relate much to what he was saying there. But yep, what he advised to that guy was absolutely correct. And like I said I have different kind of trust issues , because my mind doesn’t even allow me to prove anyone trustworthy to me. It straight away tells me that no one here can be trusted.
Thanks for this bro. 
Needed that.