Chapter 8: A Guide to Overcoming Pornography and Masturbation.
I will speak to you in terms of principles (laws). The particularity of principles is that they work everywhere and for everyone. For example, the law of sowing and harvesting: Wherever you are, in Africa or America, whoever you are, you can only reap what you have sown. If you have sown the kernel of a mango, do not expect to harvest avocados. Another example is gravity: It is the force that attracts bodies to the center of the earth. Any thing that you throw in the air will return to the earth. This principle works everywhere and for everyone. If you go up to the top of an eight-story building and throw yourself on the ground, we don’t even have to think about what will happen to you. Indeed, gravity will pull you down, whether you are the richest man in the world or the poorest man in the world you will break your ribs. Another principle is: One day equals 24 hours. Whether you are black or white, whether you are in Europe or Asia, your day will always be equal to 24 hours. No one will be able to wake up one morning and say that from now on his days will be 35 hours. There are many such principles that govern our physical and visible world.
Just as there are principles that govern the visible world, there are also principles that govern the invisible world. You know, sometimes we pray but we pray without knowledge. There are things that don’t necessarily require prayer, you just have to have the knowledge, apply it and you will see the results. The devil is not always impressed by the number of hours you spend in prayer, what scares him the most is the quality of the knowledge you have. Often we pray even where we need to apply the knowledge. That is why the Lord says that we perish because we lack knowledge (Hosea 4:6). We pray a lot but sometimes we pray without intelligence. That is how many say, " I have prayed to the Lord for a long time to be delivered from these addictions, but so far I have not seen any results.” It’s not always a question of praying a lot, it’s a question of praying intelligently.
I will teach you how to fight, and with the right weapons!
That’s what you have to do to overcome these things!
1.Receive the Lord’s love for you
You know as well as I do those moments when you said to the Lord, “I promise you, I’m not going to do that anymore. Forgive me!” And a few days later you fall again. Shame and guilt take hold of you, you don’t know what to say to the Lord so much that you haven’t kept your promise. In the meantime, the devil comes and says to you, "You there! With all your sins, God can no longer forgive you.” You sink, you cry, you sink deeper and deeper into evil, you feel lost!
I’ve been through all these things too. I also thought that God was fed up with me, I thought he was thinking “Enough is enough, I have to punish this little boy. He has to go to hell”. Every time I fell asleep at night, I was afraid to sleep because I was
afraid to die. Maybe, I told myself that if I sleep, the Lord would “kill me” because He is angry with me. I would try not to sleep all night, and when I couldn’t resist sleeping, I would say a very small prayer, "Lord please don’t kill me. I will repent! ». In reality all I thought about the Lord was a lie, lie and lie! Everything I thought about God was the opposite of what He felt for me. He was rather compassionate, He was only waiting for me to actually open a door for Him to come in and rescue me.
Jesus Christ loves you despite your weaknesses. It is for you that He gave His life on the Cross, it is for you that they spat on Him, it is for you that they pierced His hands, it is for you that they pierced His side, it is for you that they humiliated Him, it is for you that He died. He gave everything for you, even before you were born. Before you committed your very first sin here on earth, Jesus Christ had already died for you. Do you understand this? I don’t know what to tell you about His immense love for us, Jesus loves us very much, He is truly in love with us. If you feel dirty before Him because of your sins, it is exactly for you that He came here on earth. For He says in His Word that He did not come to seek the righteous but those who were lost (Luke 19:10). If you feel lost, it is exactly you that Jesus is looking for. Not those who pat themselves on the chest saying they are righteous before God. It is you who are ashamed of yourself that Jesus is looking for, He wants to lift up your head.
We often think that Jesus condemns us when we fall, far from it. I am going to tell you a story that you will find in the Bible (John 8:1-11).
One day, scholars of the law and Pharisees came to Jesus with a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. According to Jewish law, such a woman should be stoned to death. When they came with her to the Lord it was to test Him, to find out if He would allow them to stone her or not. If Jesus said “stone her,” then He would be contradicting the message of love that He Himself preached. If, on the contrary, He said “do not stone her”, He would contradict the Mosaic Law, He who is a Jew. They thought they were setting Jesus up to finally find an opportunity to accuse Him. Then the Lord simply told them “he who has never sinned among you throws the first stone at this woman”. Accused by their conscience, knowing that they themselves were sinners, they laid down their stones and went away. When Jesus was alone with this woman He asked her, "Woman, where are those who would condemn you? "There was no one left. And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”
Jesus was the only person who had the right to judge or stone this woman since He never sinned, but He had not done so. Because He does not desire the death of the sinner, but He wants him to repent and change his life. Ezekiel 33:11
Jesus does not condemn you, just as He did not condemn that woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Jesus loves you, He does not condemn you. Every time you cry and cry out to Him for forgiveness, know that He forgives you if only you are sincere. Peter once asked Jesus, “How often must I forgive my brother when he hurts me?” The Lord replied, “Seventy times seven.” Read Matthew 18:21-22. If you do the math, it will be four hundred and ninety times. Imagine someone hurts you 490 times and 490 times he comes back to you asking for forgiveness, Jesus asks you to forgive. It’s unbelievable! In reality the Lord is just saying, “Always forgive”. If Jesus asks us to always forgive no matter how many times we are outraged, how much more will He forgive us every time we turn to Him for forgiveness. Jesus loves you, and He forgives you. Your sins are thrown into the ocean of forgetfulness every time you ask for forgiveness. Receive His love. "I am weak, but I know that Jesus loves me and He will help me”. Confess it every day!
Your sins will be forgiven only if you also forgive others their trespasses. Sometimes what blocks you is the lack of forgiveness for others. So much so that you don’t forgive others, in turn when you ask the Lord for forgiveness, you feel as if heaven is blocked. Free the people you have imprisoned in your heart. Forgiveness is the first weapon. Your sins are forgiven by the Blood of Jesus, and you too offer forgiveness to others to release the power behind forgiveness.
One day the Lord told me, "If you want to defeat satan, you must learn to do things that he cannot do. Example: Asking for forgiveness and forgiving.
2.Be determined from the bottom of your heart
When we go to a supermarket, there are two categories of people we meet. The first category is the people who go around the supermarket, they appreciate the items sold but are not ready to pay the price to get them. So someone will say “This milk can is good, I would like to have it at home”. It all ends there, with a wish. But the person is not willing to say, "I’m going to work, and I’m going to come and pay the price for it. This is a figure of those who know that pornography and masturbation are sins, they would like to get rid of them but they are not willing to pay the price to be delivered. They just stay in wishes “I would like to be free of it someday”. But they don’t do anything to be delivered. Are you willing to pay the price to have that deliverance? Have you really made up your mind from your heart or is it just an empty wish? Most people pretend, that’s why they are not delivered. From the bottom of their heart they have never decided to change but in their mouth they want to make the Lord believe that they want to change. If you have not yet made a decision from the bottom of your heart to change, nothing is going to happen. The second category we encounter is people who enjoy the items and pay the price for them. They represent people who desire deliverance and are willing to pay the price to get it. They are willing to sacrifice themselves to get what they want.
Deliverance will not be served to you on a plate in the ease, you must sacrifice yourself. There are people who are waiting for Jesus to miraculously deliver them when they make no effort to be delivered. Are you determined from the bottom of your heart to change? If not, close this book and give it to someone else please.
3.Confess your sins
This is where several people are blocked. Shame, fear of being judged, pride of self, are the things that prevent many people from being liberated. By nature, man does not like to demean himself, we do not like our own pride to be touched. But here to overcome you need a lot of humility. It is a battle that only humble people can win. If you hide your sin and think that you will defeat it alone, you are wrong. There are some battles that we can never win alone, especially spiritually, we need others. Humility comes before glory, they say. In this struggle humility is a powerful weapon against the devil. Let’s take a look at these stories.
When the Israelites were at Rephidim, they were attacked by the Amalekites. So Moses told Joshua, “Have some men ready to attack the Amalekites tomorrow. I will stand on hilltop, holding this walking stick that has the power of God.” Joshua led the attack as Moses had commanded, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur stood on the hilltop. The Israelites out-fought the Amalekites as long as Moses held up his arms, but they started losing whenever he lowered them. After a while, his arms were so tired that Aaron and Hur got a rock for him to sit on. Then they stood beside him and supported his arms in the same position until sunset. That’s how Joshua defeated the Amalekites. Exodus 17:8-13.
The Bible says that when Moses raised his hand the people of Israel won, but when he lowered his hand the enemy won. When Moses’ hands were weakened and he could no longer raise them, Aaron and Hur came to support them. If Moses was alone, surely Israel would lose this battle, since its strength came from the hands of the one on top of the hill.
You see, to win some battles you will need Aaron and Hur. Make no mistake, you will not get good results by trying to fight alone. Sacrifice your pride and confess your weakness.
A second example is the story of this paralytic.
Jesus went back to Capernaum, and a few days later people heard that he was at home. Then so many of them came to the house that there wasn’t even standing room left in front of the door. Jesus was still teaching when four people came up, carrying a man on a met because he could not walk. But because of the crowd, they could not get him to Jesus. So they made a hole in the roof above him and let the man down in front of everyone. When Jesus saw how much faith they had, he said to the man, “My friend, your sins are forgiven” …So Jesus said to the man “Get up! Pick up your mat and go on home.” The man got right up. He picked up his mat and went out while everyone watched in amazement. They praised God and said, “We have never seen anything like this!” Mark 2:1-5,11-12.
The main thing to note here is that this paralytic did not surrender himself to Jesus since his weak condition did not allow him to do so. It was four other people who brought him to Jesus. The lesson is that just as this paralytic who was weak and needed the help of people who were physically strong to be healed, you too in your present weak state need people who are a little stronger than you spiritually to help you. Pretend that the paralytic in this story is you, you don’t want to be carried by others and but you want to go to Jesus yourself, despite your efforts you won’t succeed. You may walk a little, but you will fall down even later. This man was not healed because of his own faith alone, but also because of the faith of those who brought him to Jesus. Don’t let your pride make you think you can do it alone. You need someone’s support and backing.
The book of Proverbs says that he who hides his transgressions does not prosper. But he who confesses them and forsakes them obtains mercy.
Proverbs 28:13
By hiding your sins all you manage to do is make them stronger. An evil that is hidden only grows stronger. It’s a bit like mice, they like hidden, dirty and dark places. In these places, they multiply and grow. But once these places are cleaned and exposed to light, they leave them. That’s the way it is with these addictions that you fight, as long as they are hidden, they will grow and dominate you more and more. But once you expose them to the light through confession, you will see that they will lose strength. You cannot defeat satan in darkness, that is his domain. If you want to defeat him, you must bring him to the light. And the light here is confession. The reason you always feel guilty even when you ask the Lord for forgiveness is because you are still hiding your sins. Confess your sins. As the Lord told me once, "If you want to defeat the devil, you must learn to do things that he cannot do.” The devil can never humble himself, if you want to defeat him you must do what he cannot do. Humble yourself and confess your sins.
There are people who say, "I confess my sins directly to God. This is false, it is an attitude that hides pride. They just don’t want to demean themselves. There are serious faults that you don’t deal directly with God if you really want to have peace of heart.
So who should I confess to?
This question is a slippery ground because it divides many Christians. Some say that it is not always necessary to confess one’s sins to a man in order for God to forgive you, others maintain that it is very important to confess to a man of God or to others, not only to have the Lord’s forgiveness but also to have a clear conscience and peace of heart.
Without wanting to enter into debates that divide us (Christians), I would like to put each one of us before his or her conscience, in order to judge alone whether or not it is necessary to confess one’s sins to the priest, the pastor or one of the elders of the community.
Brothers and sisters, have you ever committed a sin and then asked the Lord for forgiveness, but not always had peace of heart? Even though you have asked for forgiveness, do you still have the feeling that you are not forgiven? Guilt doesn’t leave you! Has it ever happened to you? It’s a bit like the story of that sister who told how she always felt guilty and condemned by her past sins, even while serving God. At any moment her old life would come back into her mind and she always felt guilty. Does this mean that God had not forgiven her for her past sins? Yes, she was indeed forgiven. But why wasn’t her conscience always clear? Precisely because sin affects not only our spiritual side but also our psychology. That is why sometimes it is not enough to simply acknowledge one’s sin before God to obtain forgiveness, but to know how to confess it in order to get rid of guilt and have peace of heart.
Of course it is God who forgives, but there are cases where it is very important to confess to servants of God, not only to obtain God’s forgiveness and get rid of guilt, but also to get help and accompaniment in prayer. Because if you do not fix the problem, it will come back again. This is why some people keep on confessing the same sins again and again instead of dealing with the true problem.
God’s desire is not that we come at any time in His presence to ask forgiveness for the same sins that have long held us captive, but rather that we be delivered. And often deliverance is never without confession, never! If a person decides to hide his or her evil deeds in the heart while pretending to ask God for forgiveness in a two-minute prayer after a fall, he or she will never be delivered. That’s how we can ask for forgiveness on Monday, Tuesday we come back again for the same sin, Wednesday the same thing…You see? It’s not that asking forgiveness from the Lord for every sin is a bad thing. It’s just that we have to know how to identify the real problem.
It is also important to know that you cannot expose your weaknesses to just anyone. Some people lack maturity and discretion. You expose your weaknesses to them and they go out and tell other people about them and they start judging you instead of helping you. That is why I advise you to look for a mature, discreet, and truly God-fearing person to help you in this struggle. Humility is the key that opens the door to deliverance.
If out of pride or fear you do not confess these sins, it will be difficult for you to be delivered.
Before ruin, the heart of man is lifted up; but humility precedes glory. Proverbs 18:12
4.Remain in the presence of the Lord
It is only in the presence of God that we are transformed. Many people make decisions that unfortunately always end in failure. It is because they believe that it is through their own strength and discipline that they will be able to overcome these things. You must know that without Jesus we cannot overcome sin. The Lord tells us clearly in John 15:5, "For without Me you can do nothing. It is very clear! Without the help of the Lord you will never be able to overcome these practices. You may resist for a while, but at some point you will always be at the end of your strength and you will let go. It will be like a vicious circle. You ask for forgiveness, you resist for a while, only to fall back into the same things again. Many people go through this, and because of this situation they have lost hope of ever being released, so they sink deeper.
The good news is that Jesus Christ has overcome all these powers of darkness, they no longer have any power over you. But to have the strength to resist you must be in permanent communion with the Lord through prayer, meditation, listening to his word, the Eucharist, listening to sermons. Remain in the presence of God! In the presence of God one does not fall into sin.
The reason you often fall is because you may not yet be living a serious prayer life. Without prayer you will never have the strength to resist temptation. When you remain in the presence of the Lord, you are transformed. Moses spent time with God and his forehead began to shine. Peter spent time with Jesus, and he began to speak like Him. So that the day he denied Jesus, his language betrayed him. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden were covered by a strong presence of God that their nakedness could not even be seen. There are so many examples to be given. In God’s presence we are covered with His glory and it is this glory that breaks the chains of sin that have been holding us back for years.
What will you need to do practically? You should join a prayer group in your church, participate in the prayer moments organized during the week, don’t be a Christian who, out of laziness, only goes to church on Sundays for one or two hours. Get involved in the life of the church. Praying alone at the beginning is often difficult, so it is important to surround yourself with people who are already strong in this area. I was set free, as I have already told you, when I joined the Youth Ministry of the Catholic Renewal, it was there that the Lord granted me the strength to be set free because we pray seriously. How often do you pray? Some only pray when they fall! Do you have a prayer group or do you only do Sunday services? Pray, pray, pray and pray some more!
Good attitudes alone do not save my friend. They can never save you from the chains of pornography. I remember observing the right attitudes for almost 2 months, and I still managed to walk in purity during those 2 months. But you know my friend? It was a weight I couldn’t bear anymore, and I had relapsed again. I had relapsed again, because I thought it was my own efforts that would get me out of there. In reality, it was Jesus Christ alone. This is what happens to many of those who are still under the yoke of pornography and masturbation. They think that it is their good attitudes alone that will get them out of there, that’s why they always fall back into pornography.
But beware! Observing the right attitudes is indispensable, but only if it is accompanied by prayer. As long as you observe the right attitudes on the one hand, and on the other hand you do not pray, I reassure you that your efforts will be null and void because you will not be able to bear the weight that will weigh on you. In the same way, if you pray on the one hand, and on the other hand you do not discipline yourself, I make you a promise “you will fall again and again! while you are already delivered”.
Discipline without prayer is a waste of time, and prayer without discipline is null and void. Discipline and prayer are two inseparable things in this fight.
Stop whining all the time and take action. You know, the most cunning spirits are not those spirits that hold you captive to these practices, but those spirits that keep you from praying, confessing your sin, and keeping you distracted.
One of the reasons you always fall is that you do not ask the Lord enough through prayer to deliver you. You think of the Lord only after a fall.
Your deliverance will come by train, and prayer is the railway you must build to accommodate it. As long as there is no railroad, there is no way the train will get where you are. The Lord has already given you the strength you need to abandon these things when He died for you on the cross, now it is up to you to seize it through a life of serious prayer.
From time to time listen and sing spiritual hymns praising and glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ. Just by singing these hymns every day, God can use them to break the addictions that dominate you. “To sing very well is to pray twice," said a man of God. The story of Paul and Silas in prison gives us a perfect illustration of what happens spiritually when we pray and sing from the bottom of our hearts. We read:
After they had been badly beaten, they were put in jail, and the jailer was told to guard them carefully. The jailer did as he was told. He put them deep inside the jail and chained their feet to heavy blocks of wood. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing praises to God, while the other prisoners listened. Suddenly a strong earthquake shook the jail to its foundations. The doors opened, and the chains fell from all the prisoners. Acts 16:23-26.
See what happens when you pray seriously? There is an earthquake in the enemy camp, the foundations of the prison of sexual immorality are shaken, and the doors open. When the door opens, you have to get out of the prison. Many people are in prisons with open doors, but they don’t want to get out. These are the people who are praying seriously, the Lord has already granted them the strength to give up pornography and masturbation, but these people still cling to certain things that keep them in this prison, which is already open. I am talking about you! Jesus on the cross has already paid the price for your sins, why are you still captive to pornography?
You see, just by singing to God the walls of this prison that holds you spiritually will crumble. Therefore, avoid singing things that are obscene and meaningless. This worldly music, which does not edify you in any way, is distraction. The devil uses it to distract you and prevent you from singing hymns to God lest you be set free. If you sing to God, He breaks the spiritual prisons that hold you back, but if you sing a song full of obscenities, you are chaining yourself in sexual immorality.
5.Have faith in Jesus Christ
By dint of falling into the same things one ends up losing faith sometimes. We no longer truly believe in the power of the Lord who can set us free so much that things don’t change. When you pray, do you really believe that Jesus is able to do what you ask Him to do? Or are you a little doubtful, maybe that’s what still blocks your prayers. When you pray, speak clearly to Jesus and believe that He is able to set you free. Believe from the bottom of your heart that it is possible to overcome these things in the name of Jesus Christ. His name is high above all names, no sin can hold you back because Jesus Christ paid the full price for your freedom, do you believe in that? Where is your faith? It is a weapon that repels all the attacks of the enemy. You must understand that the target in this struggle is your faith. One day I was talking with someone who confided in me because he couldn’t overcome his addictions. He told me something that really shocked me. He said something like, "I think I have to change my religion because I feel like with Jesus I can’t overcome these things. At one point he had become attached to Islam. Despite this, he was not always able to overcome these things. He hardly ever responded to my messages. But one day I saw his message telling me that he couldn’t take it anymore, he really wanted to be liberated. And I taught him what to do, and that was a great help to him. You see where the devil wants to take you? He wants to make you deny Jesus and doubt the power of the work of the cross. The work of the cross hurts the devil. He wants to make you lose the salvation and forgiveness of sins that you have received through faith in Jesus Christ. Where is your faith dear friend?
- Jesus healed the son of the king’s officer (John 4:43-54).
- Jesus expelled an evil spirit from a man in the synagogue (Mark 1:21-27, Luke 4:31-36).
- Jesus healed Peter’s mother-in-law (Matthew 8:14-15, Mark 1:29-31, Luke 4:38-39).
- Jesus healed many sick people and cast out evil spirits one evening (Matthew 8:16-17, Mark 1:32-34, Luke 4:40-41).
- Jesus healed a leper (Matthew 8:1-4, Mark 1:40-45, Luke 5:12-14).
- Jesus healed the servant of a centurion (Matthew 8:5-13, Luke 7:1-10).
- Jesus healed a paralytic (Matthew 9:1-8, Mark 2:1-12, Luke 5:17-26).
- Jesus healed a man with a dry hand (Matthew 12:9-14, Mark 3:1-6, Luke 6:6-11).
- Jesus raised the son of a widow in the city of Nain (Luke 7:11-17).
- Jesus healed a deaf-mute man (Mark 7:31-37).
- Jesus healed a man who had been sick for 38 years by a pool called Bethesda (John 5:1-15).
- Jesus delivered a moody boy from the demon who made him fall into fire and water (Matthew 17:14-20, Mark 9:14-29, Luke 9:37-43).
- Jesus healed a woman possessed with a spirit that had crippled her for 18 years (Luke 13:10-17).
- Jesus healed 10 lepers - only one of them will be grateful (Luke 17:11-19).
- Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11:1-45).
- Jesus delivered me from the grip of pornography and masturbation.
- Jesus shed the same amount of blood for you and for me at the cross.
- Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
After reading all these things that Jesus did for others, do you really think He can’t do anything for you if you ask Him sincerely? Have faith that it is possible to live a free life in Jesus Christ. When you pray, believe that Jesus is listening to you and that He is giving you His strength.
That is why I say to you: Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and you will see it fulfilled. Mark 11:24