What’s your story behind porn addiction and education?
I was always quite a bright kid, I finished primary school with ease, and I was “highly gifted”, though I don’t agree with those labels they put on kids, just like autistic, ADHD etc.
My first year of what we call middle school, which lasts from 12 to 18 years old, went fine. I had great marks, and was learning quickly and easily. The second year is where the problems started. This is where my addiction started to get very bad. My marks where dropping, but still sufficient. In the third year, it got worse. My marks dropped even more, and I had no motivation to put time into school. It was all about porn, and finding hot pictures of girls I knew. I didn’t practise any self-care, let my hair become greasy, and didn’t have the motivation to wash it. My hair had always been long since the first year, but now I didn’t look good. I probably passed this year with a 6.5/10 average, while in the first year, I had achieved an 8. The fourth year was a bit better, mostly because we could drop the subjects we didn’t want. Same kind of story, but my marks were better. I don’t know why this was. I was still a lifeless being.
In the fifth year, things started to turn around. I had chosen which study course I wanted to do, and knew that I needed good marks that year, as they only look at marks from the 5th year. In may, one year ago, is when I started nofap. This together with the clear goal I had in mind, was the source of my relatively good marks last year.
This year, in 6th grade, I had sky-high marks, with an 8.1/10 average, and with no subject lower than a 7, some even reaching a 9/10!
This is partially thanks to the quarantine, but would not have been possible for me without nofap. I studied one straight week for my maths final exam, and I got an almost perfect score. I didn’t use the computer, or my phone, except for checking answers for the assignments I was doing, and once a day to check my messages. I am very happy that I finished my school career as one of the best of the year.
I think that PMO ruined my school performance, but for me, it wasn’t a big deal in the end, because I could move on to the next year every time. If I had been less competent, I probably would have failed a year. If those marks had been important for my study, I probably wouldn’t have been admitted.
All I can say, is that I’m glad I discovered nofap now a year ago.
PMO transformed me from class topper to a failure in less than 1 year
In grade 11, I topped my class in all exams, quizzes, class tests, mid semester, end semester. I was always at rank 1 in my class. During parent teacher meet, my name would always be at the top at the black board where we are ranked on the basis of class performance. Teachers would talk to my parents happily. My so called friends would come and talk to me. Teachers would always appreciate me. How can you avoid the topper? Some would say I was unsurpassable.
No I didn’t study in a small school. I studied in the best high school in the country, overall 3rd rank in the nation.
Also not that, I qualified government examination , KVPY and stood in top 0.1% in the nation.
3-4 months of severe PMO enough to destroy your dreams.
In grade 12, in the very first examination, dropped to rank 10. Straight from 1st to 10. Teachers couldn’t believe that. Friends thought there was some serious mistake .
I actually never failed in life. So, this was difficult to handle. I got depressed.
Failure, depression, porn addiction they go well together.
Within next 3 months, I failed terribly. I passed tests with very close margin. Some tests, my teachers out of sympathy passed me. Parent teacher meeting got highly humiliating. Teachers started ignoring. Friends left me away. Yeah previously they were with me as I helped them in studies. They were fake friends. All of them. After that I had 0 friends ZERO.
I never managed to become topper again, leave topper, I never managed to get into top 5
It’s true story dude. It happened gradually over time. Things were getting worse day by day. But instead of solving them, I chose to escape into the world of PMO. Only to let things get even worse.
I didn’t know I was depressed. I gained a lot of weight. PMO and failure made me hollow. I had a very important university examination but I lost all interest in studies. I just sat on the study table to pass time and to please my parents. But I couldn’t concentrate at all. Thoughts were hazy, sometimes full of shame, anxiety and regret, other times full of sex thoughts/ PMO. I knew I shouldn’t do PMO, would do it, then feel regret, out of regret, again PMO and this continued … On and on… . I was so addicted that I would wait for my parents to sleep, do PMO till 2am and could not say the truth. The sad feeling of cheating my dear ones was eating me up.
Also PMO made my so tired . I had to sleep more say 10 to 12 hours to recover but my parents thought I was over sleeping as I would normally sleep for 6 hours. So they would throw me out of bed, and this fatigue killed me physically, mentally and emotionally.
I wouldn’t say it was good experience but it was valuable as I learned what PMO can do to my life if I let it do so
I have similar thoughts with losing interest. I feel I don’t care about studying. I don’t learn anything for real and the last time I truly prepared for exam was 7 or 8 years ago. I’m 28 and I’m on 2nd uni, because I failed on 1st miserably. I’m student since 2011.
My performance on 2nd uni doesn’t get any better. I’m repeating semesters due to lack of interest. I’m sluggish, unproductive and lazy.
I wish I could get out of this mess to finish my education and get my shit together. All what Im doing is work and PMOing and playing computer games. That sucks to be honest.
I have schedule organized, but perform better with routine I have to get rid of this addiction with which I fight since September 2016.