WHY DID I DISAPPEARED ?
I was on my highest streak with more than 200 days clean. Then one day due to some issue I did a quick unistall and later reinstalled the app. But I felt very demotivated seeing streak was zero when I logged in.
Did you relapsed?
Unfortunately yes : (
On my 5th clean month ,I stumble upon one of my friend’s squad when he showed me pmo . I couldn’t control myself that night and lost the battle . After that I felt pretty guilty , all that hardwork for nothing. But in the morning I was back on tracks. My energy was high as usual and I ignored the small relapse.
Why couldn’t I control my urges?
I would say definitely my curiosity killed it. I wanted to see how it felt to masturbate once. Also since I was away from this forum and no one to talk about, I acted like a cheater - no one will know it’s just one relapse . And that’s where my downhill started.
Are you clean now?
No I don’t think so. After that relapse in March. I again slipped in mid April.
Then I did it again May and so on. Till now its starting to becaming a habit. As I am fapping almost on a weekly basis , and I am caring less and less about it’s effects on my daily life.
Today I had an intense urge and decided to come back here where it all started. I spent so many months working hard on my addiction , I won’t let it win again. I will gain back my cellibacy, I reject this life of suffering and depression, I will stand up once again , no matter what. It’s worth the fight.
I see most of my fellow companions have changed their username and some of them have disappeared into the mist.
I am happy for them , who found their way of life.
What now?
I will continue my journey where I left. I will continue Tuku’s dairy. Let’s go!
Hello Brother,
Yup it did become a habit after one relapse
I was also on day 147 earlier- However I just fell prey to intense subjected stress suddenly for exam prep and after that Not even 2 days at most.
It was going to be one more such move when I kept my goal in front of me
Yu know just a simple logic that another relapse will make you lose 50% of aspects necessary to achieve the goal
If the goal is considered impossible for normal people , you will automatically be motivated to stay in the streak and let the god help ypu
Work s like a charm. However blockers are also needed at initial stage now due to this lockdown period. I have enrolled in challenges to prevent those thoughts.
All i want to wish you a long and great Pmo- free life ahead.
Hey bro, I read your post and I can say, you committed the most common mistake high streak nofappers commit, i.e. to leave this community. You see, accountability is very important in this journey as without this, as you yourself said, in your most vulnerable moments, you will feel that “no one will ever find out if I relapse this once” and you would be right, but you will be fooling no one but yourself. I too relapsed last year from my biggest streak ever of 135 days as I thought I was cured and made the stupid decision of leaving this community. Result: Relapse. I will recommend to not leave accountability to this forum until you reach 1000 days, which is the time required for ultimate Recovery. I wish you best of luck for your future journey. Nofapforever
This is a very good perspective of dealing with urges. Thank you @Thenofap_king , I will be making sure to implement it in motivating myself. @aapoorv75 you are right , I totally agree with you, it all starts with nothing will happen with one relapse. I will not leave this community untill I reach that goal. Community plays a very vital role .
@Rezboy247 Hi !! I am glad my story inspired you. Your journey will inspire others as well , keep going brother I just checked it out, I will be following your journal. And Deku is one my fav character:heart_eyes:, very motivational character