Healthy fantasies and masturbation

Some people maight find this topic triggering. Please keep that in mind.
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Hello. To begin with I just want to say that I know that a lot of you guys are against masturbation. I dedicate this topic to people who are more familiar with the idea of pleasuring themselves in a healthy way. I don t want this topic to be a battlefield where we try to figure out whether masturbation is good or bad.

So recently i was thinking about my sexual fantasies. Back when i was completely hooked on porn i used to imagine myself having sex not only with people I had seen on the screen but also with my friends. I would put them in unrealistic scenarios which is basically same thing as watching porn.

Now my porn induced fantasies are pretty much gone. However I still tend to imagine myself making out with a friend or some random person. I think that the way you percieve act is crucial for rewiring your brain. But the aspect of the person who is the main character in my fantasies is quite problematic to me. Sometimes it feels unethical kind of but i dont really know what to think about it .

So if you have any experience on that please share your opinion. And please if you disagree dont try to explain why masturbation is bad. I want this discussion to be purely focused on sexual fantasies.

@Undefeated1234 There is nothing triggering here in this post i guess. This post is about healthy masturbation basically so it is absolutely for someone suffering from addiction. What s more I insisted that this post is for ones who think masturbation is a normal thing when done in a healthy way and if you don t feel comfortable with this you dont need to interact.

So tell me where is the triggering part i ll change it.

I would highly recommend stopping this kind of abuse of others mentally. That’s not something nice to think about, even though it does not hurt anyone(then again, neither does porn hurt anyone, does it?). It’s not how human relationships are meant to be, and I think it’s one of the effects of PMO(random encounter hook ups). Your brain needs to rewire and see people as emotional beings, not bodies to make out with.

Technically it’s still objectifying women, and you know it, which is why you posted this question. Admire your guts.

But don’t give in to fantasizes. You’ve only got one life and you can’t afford to live it in someone else’s shoes. You’ve only got time for one life- your own.

Yeah I know leaving escapism is hard. It’s hard for me too. But the results are 100% worth it.

Why not try pursuing a serious relationship instead?

I don’t think masturbating is healthy by the way, but yeah, I still think I can post in this thread. I mean, in a physiological sense, masturbating is 100% healthy if done right. It’s mentally that I find a problem with it, and no survey has proved that masturbating does not affect one mentally. But that’s off topic, just wanted to clarify that I’m still answering this post though because I though it might help.

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Trigger warning for this response
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In my opinion, sexual addiction, and harmful sexual activity includes:
Pornography
Masturbation
Hookup sex
Selfish sex
Lusting
And yes, fantasies.

Healthline.com puts it this way:
'Sexual thoughts and fantasies".

I say avoid it all. They are all just different heads on the same hydra.

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For those who have flagged this post, please note that nofap doesn’t mean abstinence from masturbating, just that some people practice not masturbating too. This post too should be open for discussion, thanks :slight_smile:

However, should you find something else triggering in the post feel free to flag it and state what it is, so that that part may be removed.

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Wow you really made me think about from a different perspective. Big thanks.

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All the very best :slight_smile: glad I could help.

Isn’t M for those trying to rewire? Is there a time to practice M in a healthy way? After a rewire? With no death grip? My problem has been trying to fantasize during sex with my wife in order to achieve O. I’m thinking that was unhealthy hence why I’m here.

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@666wariacina , you are amazing.

M mostly occurs with fantasizing, right? Seems like you have MOed to such an extent that you can’t orgasm even with real sex and that you need to fantasize. I think that it’s a good sign that you need to quit MO. Only have sex, that way you can Rewire the brain. Besides, if you have the real deal, why would you want to settle for less? I think you should be able to rewire your mind in 3-4 weeks. That being said, I don’t have experience regarding this but I have answered to the best of my knowledge.

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Hey man,

glad you started this thread.

My take on this is a little bit different:
I think masturbation can be done in a healthy way. Porn did become very harmful to me and to many guys here aswell, because we increasingly craved for more and dived into extremee territories and did it way more often than we liked to.

I for example also suffered from ED and im just 20 years old, so basically in my prime.

I figured out while starting meditation how much my mind is subconciously occupied with porn thoughts and pictures of all kind, even though I explicitely didnt want to think about them.

I feel guilty after a porn fap, cause I know deep down in my heart, I wouldnt want to do that depicted to a real woman and I know that my perspective on women is being altered.

Thats why I think, stopping porn and also stopping fantasizing is an essential step to reboot your mind and clear out the subconcious addiction to pornographic pictures.

I started MO without fantasizing and just focusing on body sensations, also using lube(realistic sex feeling, not the deathgrip), and figuering out other sensarional parts on my body instead. Whenever a pornographic thought comes up, I know how to redirect and clean it out due to my meditation experience. So basically its like a meditation that feels good. Afterwards, I have absolutely no guilty feelings and feel relaxed and my energy level is also increasing day by day. My ED is fixed since I get random boners during the day, but I dont feel the urge all the time, since when I masturbate, I have to take my time, its a relaxing activity and not the incredible short term rush that I was addicted to before.

I think, once your brain is rebooted after 90 days for example, you’ll reach a point, where your brain depicts women as individual humans and not some sex object, being erotic on many levels like emotionally and intellectually. Meaning, your phantasies won’t reduce them to an object but be a healthy sexual interaction.

Not everybody has the chance to get sex whenever they feel like they need it. MO can be a healthy way to fill in these times, without harming your brain.

Actually I’ve PM for a long time. I think it’s lead to ED and DE. For ED a lot of times I’ve taken the pill but DE has led me here. I truly believe now that PM has screwed up my wiring. Hopefully I can make progress abstaining PM

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So, as many people have pointed out, sexual fantasies about real people are very not good. This is even alluded to in the bible. Matthew 5:28 states that “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust at her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart”. This verse is usually used to prove that pornography is against God and the basic tenets of christianity, but the many translations and formats out there make it easily assignable to anything that has to do with lust. For this case, some translations of this verse may read “Whoever looks upon a woman and imagines having sex with her has already committed adultery in his heart”.

It also should be noted that even if you don’t believe in god, or are of another religion, that this is not only grounded in the bible, but also in basic human morality. The very fact that OP is having doubts as to whether or not the fantasies that they are having are ok is proof of this statement. Now, that being said, My stance on this topic is that sexual fantasies of any kind, especially the kind involving real people, are bad.

Now, have I had any fantasies involving real people? Yeah, and I had one heck of a time getting rid of that mindset. Even today, it’s not totally gone. I’ll be out in public and suddenly I’ll feel my brain formulating some shiznaee. However, I did find something that helped. When I was younger, I created a keyword that I conditioned my brain to think of whenever I had any urge or fantasy of any kind. Think of it as the “interrupting cow” knock-knock joke. So now, whenever I even begin to think of something not so PG, I subconsciously start repeating my keyword in my head. Now, because I was younger when I set this stupid thing up, my keyword is “Lego Bricks”, and I’m not sure how to change it. That being said, I believe the shorter your keyword is, the easier it will be for you to form this habit.

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