Fucked up big time

Yeah So I relapsed after 426 days… How did this happen.
It all started when I break up with a girl. I was in nofap for about a year before I met this girl. I lost my Virginity to her(Which I felt like shit and regretted as she was not the right fit). During the that time I had a couple of BJs and fapped to her, which I believe has the same mechanism(correct me if I’m wrong) when you M. And even if you don’t consider it as a relapse, for someone who’s on hard mode a BJ or fapping to her should be considered as a relapse.

And after around a month or so, I started feeling the same way as I felt when I started the nofap journey, those initial hardships, getting hyped & nervous seeing a hot girl, & those sudden random panickness & toxic work environment were feeling like I was stuck inside the cubicle. I understood I had to do it to relieve myself and let myself free for this one time, and I fapped to P, twice. I didn’t feel bad or disappointed; instead, I was relieved from the insane phase of random panickness, which was killing me.

As time passes by after a month, I left my job and working on my goals become pretty lousy. I was overconfident and started scrolling Instagram ignoring the fact that I was only at day 30+, I saw an explicit image, and that’s it, I fapped. Not having the job and seeing your dreams going far gave rise to stress and depression, my mind was carving for dopamine, and I fapped again and again and I couldn’t keep up even single week streak.

Now I’m back to ZERO, I feel like all those things I said in the forum didn’t mean anything, feel like those promises I made to myself are shattered. I almost had everything now I’m a helpless loser. I miss the vibrant and bright light of nofap but now I’m living the darkness. I shall rise again.

Mistakes:

  1. When I felt like she’s not the right one, I shouldn’t have S€* at the first place.
  2. Even if I had, why the TF did, I had to fap to her.
  3. I most definitely shouldn’t have accessed Instagram, given the fact that it was only a month I had fapped. But my stupid overconfident mind.

What has to be done:

  1. Get a companion.
  2. Have a clear picture of not getting into unnecessary relationship at least until you’re done with the goals.
  3. Lol no more social network.

Anything could be added ?

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4th paragraph is BS mate.
Seriously.
I’m on Day 3, so by that logic, I’m somewhat better than you? The things I say mean more, or hold more truth?
No bloody way.

You didn’t fuck up big time. You are still climbing that mountain, but a goat came and rammed you.

Doesn’t hesitate to help others, and please pray for me :pray:

I don’t completely get your post and your streak, but I don’t need to know. You have risen extremely high, never forget that, but don’t let it hold you down either. I reverted to resetting back to Day 1 every Monday, thanks to your post.

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Besides that your way of counting days is questionable to begin with, I can’t help but wonder why you are posting this in the first place. I mean, one does not “simply” go beyond a year without some kind of tools in place, I’m talking accountability, a plan, connections and so on… there are certain things one would know at that point.

Is this some kind of bluff? Some kind of mocking? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Just remind yourself that there are men out there who are considering taking their lives because pornography and compulsive sexual encounters have ruined their marriage, their job and their self esteem.

http://recoveredman.com/start-here , for those who are seeking help.

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LOL a goat came and rammed you xD

Its funny cuz I saw this mountain goat video a while ago… your analogy was so out of the box… it reminded me of it haha

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426 days is G.O.A.T in itself.

Lmao.

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I shared my personal experience of how I lost after huge streak. I believe someones mistakes might be helpful to others to overcome.

I had some serious problems too, this is why we are here at the first place and no wonder nofap does have positive impact on ones lives. And Yeah I did followed everything from an accountability partner to giving up every social media apps, taking cold showers in winter to getting a hobby. I got derail by that chick as aoshi said , I got rammed , yeah that’s what exactly happened. But now I can’t go back to the way I was, there’s lack of motivation.

Large part of my motivation was my streak, that if I fap i would lose it. Now the streak is gone and my mind is vulnerable and giving up easily. How can I overcome this ? Where did you get motivation from ?

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Lol share it man :joy::joy:.

Hey aoshi, I completely admire your post. My prayers will always be there for all who are struggling with this. We need to be strong all the time no matter whether you’re at day 1 or day 1000. I believe you’ll make it soon. And thanks again for supporting the fellow fapstronauts. You’re doing a great job.

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Please check the site I referenced, there’s an episode called “Your Why” and that’s part of my motivation. Hope it helps.

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A wise man once said, while building a wall , don’t think how great it will be , how strong it will be , how high it will be. Just focus on each bricks one at a time, before you know it you will have the wall of your desire.
Your wall might has fallen down but if you can achieve such an great streak , I believe you can build it again. Just focus on today, one at a time.

Bdw that wise man was Will Smith.

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