Yeah So I relapsed after 426 days… How did this happen.
It all started when I break up with a girl. I was in nofap for about a year before I met this girl. I lost my Virginity to her(Which I felt like shit and regretted as she was not the right fit). During the that time I had a couple of BJs and fapped to her, which I believe has the same mechanism(correct me if I’m wrong) when you M. And even if you don’t consider it as a relapse, for someone who’s on hard mode a BJ or fapping to her should be considered as a relapse.
And after around a month or so, I started feeling the same way as I felt when I started the nofap journey, those initial hardships, getting hyped & nervous seeing a hot girl, & those sudden random panickness & toxic work environment were feeling like I was stuck inside the cubicle. I understood I had to do it to relieve myself and let myself free for this one time, and I fapped to P, twice. I didn’t feel bad or disappointed; instead, I was relieved from the insane phase of random panickness, which was killing me.
As time passes by after a month, I left my job and working on my goals become pretty lousy. I was overconfident and started scrolling Instagram ignoring the fact that I was only at day 30+, I saw an explicit image, and that’s it, I fapped. Not having the job and seeing your dreams going far gave rise to stress and depression, my mind was carving for dopamine, and I fapped again and again and I couldn’t keep up even single week streak.
Now I’m back to ZERO, I feel like all those things I said in the forum didn’t mean anything, feel like those promises I made to myself are shattered. I almost had everything now I’m a helpless loser. I miss the vibrant and bright light of nofap but now I’m living the darkness. I shall rise again.
- When I felt like she’s not the right one, I shouldn’t have S€* at the first place.
- Even if I had, why the TF did, I had to fap to her.
- I most definitely shouldn’t have accessed Instagram, given the fact that it was only a month I had fapped. But my stupid overconfident mind.
What has to be done:
- Get a companion.
- Have a clear picture of not getting into unnecessary relationship at least until you’re done with the goals.
- Lol no more social network.
Anything could be added ?