[Frank1986] Diary of transmutation: p, m and o are a coping mechanism, here I keep track of my attempt of replacing it

today: Sept the 5th, 2023 - day 0. Been doing 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 14, 17 days streaks and relapse cycles since 1 year. Overall frequency decreased by around 90%. But still stuck and suffering a lot.

my situation briefly: almost 37, professional musician, married 5 years ago, then separated last year after crisis in intimacy. No cheating on both sides. Wife completely lost attraction. I’m addicted to chronic masturbation since 11. Daily more times a day. With mental images or internet. I don’t consider it the direct cause of intimacy crisis in the relationship, but it’s a coping mechanism of an underlying issue with self-esteem, that eventually contributed damaging the relationship. Seeing a therapist since January. So my job is now to fix the self esteem issue, but along with it and the overall self improvement needed, goes the semen retention -nofap journey.

I plan to work out 20 minutes right now, then 10 min meditation.
Will visit my parents right after that.

Visiting parents, relatives (Grand mother and her nun), socializing will be part of the transmutation. Also, changing attitude, converting the old energies from the people I come from and who I attracted so far, that are somehow vibrating with the old addicted and weak version of me, will be part of the transmutation. To sum up, transmutation will be about:

  • Exercise\meditation\coldshowers
  • skills\knowledge sharpening
  • socializing but with a new outgoing energy, neutralizing the negative energies from ppl by visualization, prayer, meditation, humor
  • planning\improving job\business\income
  • trying things out of my comfort zone (martial arts, fitness group activities)

will try to post daily keeping track of the building streak - I should see my therapist in 14 days, and my goal is to reach that visit clean.

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Hyyyyyyyyyyyy​:wave::wave::wave::wave::wave::wave::wave::wave::wave::wave:

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My updates are actually being written in the gentlemen challenge at the moment :blush::rofl::muscle: but let’s quickly analize a few things:

Streak proceeding fine
No urges

Why?

Because yesterday I socialized, with a new outgoing energy, which in my case means “telling things and stories about me, letting people know who I am, taking the responsibility to lead a conversation and entertain the other”

I think this is one of the most powerful and transmuting activities I found so far, because it goes against my habit of complete shyness, agreeableness, quietness, fear of judgment. It forces me to use all my energies to build a new character, which requires a lot of creative energy, hence the transmutation.

My counter and the gentlemen counter are alligned in my case, I’m on day 2. Let’s keep strong.

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