today: Sept the 5th, 2023 - day 0. Been doing 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 14, 17 days streaks and relapse cycles since 1 year. Overall frequency decreased by around 90%. But still stuck and suffering a lot.
my situation briefly: almost 37, professional musician, married 5 years ago, then separated last year after crisis in intimacy. No cheating on both sides. Wife completely lost attraction. I’m addicted to chronic masturbation since 11. Daily more times a day. With mental images or internet. I don’t consider it the direct cause of intimacy crisis in the relationship, but it’s a coping mechanism of an underlying issue with self-esteem, that eventually contributed damaging the relationship. Seeing a therapist since January. So my job is now to fix the self esteem issue, but along with it and the overall self improvement needed, goes the semen retention -nofap journey.
I plan to work out 20 minutes right now, then 10 min meditation.
Will visit my parents right after that.
Visiting parents, relatives (Grand mother and her nun), socializing will be part of the transmutation. Also, changing attitude, converting the old energies from the people I come from and who I attracted so far, that are somehow vibrating with the old addicted and weak version of me, will be part of the transmutation. To sum up, transmutation will be about:
- skills\knowledge sharpening
- socializing but with a new outgoing energy, neutralizing the negative energies from ppl by visualization, prayer, meditation, humor
- planning\improving job\business\income
- trying things out of my comfort zone (martial arts, fitness group activities)
will try to post daily keeping track of the building streak - I should see my therapist in 14 days, and my goal is to reach that visit clean.