[29M] Forerunner's Diary - Ascension to Greatness šŸ™‡šŸ¾

Thank GOD for another day!

I was reflecting on the problems Iā€™m experiencing right now compared to May two months ago.

Problems like getting tasks accomplished daily towards my goals, waking up in good time ( thanks to @anon67854825, Iā€™ve realized that sleeping in does me no favours), completing my exercises, eating healthily and spending quality time with family and friends.

In May, I was depressed, hiding away from the world, drowning in debt with -Ā£998 in my bank account, I was sneaking to the store at night to eat cakes and icecream as a reward/pick-me-up after constant relapses, and my goals were nowhere in sight.

Iā€™ll take these so-called problems any day!

Iā€™ve seen a number of my companions relapse recently; it saddened me quite a bit. One had over 295 days on his counter! :disappointed_relieved::pensive: I pray we can all leave this behind so we live the free and fulfilling lives we deserve.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 40.

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If you have any problemā€¦ you know i am there for youā€¦ Feel Free to call.

Sometimes we need a companionā€¦ to let our frustration outā€¦ speaking to fellow companion ā€¦ on same journeyā€¦ ease soul and comforts mind.

:iphone:

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We wonā€™t let you down. Itā€™s a promise. I am also going through a flatline. I am not able to do exercises. We will win! Keep going strong friend.

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@Sahas Thank you my friend, it means so much to have someone to reach out to in hard times.

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@HappySoul Thank you brother! Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight!

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Force yourself to excercise.

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Okay, I will exercise :fist:

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Yes I agree exercise is really good. Force yourself for at most and hour of exercise, anything over starts draining you and causes stress to increase.

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@HappySoul Regular exercise really does wonders for you bro. Iā€™ve been through 2 flatlines so far and the exercise really helped me break through it. Also, it curbs urges and provides a positive source of dopamine, so that really helps on this journey.

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Thank GOD for another day!

I can see that urges have come back after a long time. I havenā€™t really had any for about a month. But theyā€™re far reduced in intensity and frequency. The loud roar pushing me back to PMO in the past has become the annoying buzz of a fly.

The journey gets easier with time. GOD willing, Iā€™ll keep moving forward. No overconfidence; every urge must be defeated and not allowed to linger.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 41.

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Thank GOD for another day!

Today was stressful. Sweltering heat at 36Ā°C - Londonā€™s weather is trying to compete with Dubai on that front it seems. I woke up in good time, got prepared to do my daily tasks and fell straight back asleep again. I ended up being late to work. Thank GOD I at least completed my exercises though. More urges again today, more urges defeated. Praise Him!

Itā€™s amazing how you can read a text a few times before finally absorbing the lesson fully. Hereā€™s what I picked up from Power over Pornography:

Blaming stress, anger, boredom, depression, strong urges and more for PMO is giving your power away. We lose our power when we blame someone or something else for our own choices.

None of the reasons for PMO in the past were valid reasons. We had trained our brains to PMO as a result of experiencing negative emotions and feelings in the past, and since then it has been an almost involuntary response whenever we experience them again.

But we are completely responsible for our own behavior. And it is absolutely impossible to avoid negative emotions; they are part of living as a human being. Avoiding problems means they arenā€™t dealt with, so they come back again and stronger the next time. Problems are solved by confrontation, not avoidance.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 42.

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This post is awesome.

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this is GOLD
Truth always leads to liberation!

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@Sahas @BoomerangNebula Thank you my friends! Iā€™ll be sure to share more posts like this in the future!

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Thank GOD for another day!

Today I resumed looking for another job. Iā€™m very grateful to be employed, considering I wasnā€™t back near the start of the year. Thank GOD for money coming in! But minimum wage is not where I belong or intend to remain.

I can really feel a change in myself. This is both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. GOD forbid I should fall back down again. Iā€™m worried about being overconfident. That is what brought me down last time. Iā€™ve come up with a new strategy based on what Iā€™ve learned, and by following it, GOD willing I will remain free forever.

Today, Iā€™ll share what I learned from The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem about ā€˜happiness anxiety.ā€™

When someone has low self-esteem and a poor opinion of themselves, their actions tend towards proving them right. They donā€™t believe they deserve to have happiness or success in their life.

If events start happening in their life which bring joy and positive emotions, they become anxious because this conflicts with their negative self-image. This is when they self-sabotage in order to restore ā€˜balanceā€™, which is actually no balance at all but just a continued state of supposedly deserved unhappiness.

Many times, I would relapse after reaching a month on hard mode, or relapse after having a really good and happy day. I did not believe someone like me who has done the shameful things I had done deserved happiness. This wasnā€™t conscious, but that is what I was doing to myself. I had to do a deep self-analysis to understand why I kept self-sabotaging.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 43.

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Very true in my life aswell. People are afraid of what they can become. It is scary when you think about it, the thought arises ā€œCan I deal with this new self?ā€ But your ā€œnew selfā€ is actually your true self. The old you is the shame filled sinner that God never intended you to be.

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@Sacred The new self is the true self! What a concept!

Youā€™re absolutely right; He never intended for us to fall into darkness. The light may be a bit blinding at first, but it is where we were always supposed to live.

Bless you for sharing brother. Iā€™ll remember that this is me adjusting to my true destiny.

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Very good postā€¦

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@Sahas Thank you brother!

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Thank GOD for another day!

Today was a relaxing day. I spoke to my friend from Rewire Companion and he gave me a new perspective on this journey. Our relationship to sexuality has become so warped by the addiction; we have to relearn the proper way to express these feelings and emotions.

Iā€™ll share something from my Power over Pornography homework today:

Using ā€˜SAPSā€™ in the Past and Avoiding Dealing with Urges:

Suppression - In the past, I tried to pretend the temptation wasnā€™t there. I ignored it and tried to focus on something else. I used to ignore the feelings of temptation and arousal I was experiencing and just hope it would go away.

Avoidance - In the past, I tried to avoid situations which would lead to triggers like browsing on Instagram or YouTube. Avoid being alone. Avoid taking devices to bed or to the bathroom.

Protection In the past, I set up filters upon filters to stop myself from going back.

Substitution In the past, I would recite verses of Scripture, I would listen to recordings, I would play games, watch movies, eat junk food, go to sleep and more, anything that could take the place of the urges. Anything as long as I wasnā€™t going back.

None of these methods worked because I didnā€™t confront the temptation directly. If we donā€™t deal with our temptations, they linger until we do deal with it, or we succumb to it. We have to accept the temptation as a normal part of life which everyone experiences. This acceptance removes
the shame and guilt and allows you to deal with the temptation at a conscious level.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 44.

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