Fighting for my Life

Diary
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#1

For a moment, imagining myself as a fish. I was going on my journey and i saw [ PMO ] it was looking very tasty. I opened my mouth and grabed it. i didnt even got time to enjoy the [ PMO ] the bait got hold of me and dragged me up in the open where there was no life. There was no oxygen, blood was coming out of mouth. Jumping up & down to go back to the ocean. No Help, fighting for the life, so much pain & suffering. I want to get back to the life.

Day 0

I start my journey from this wonderful story. [ PMO ] is a natural trap. Early in my teenage when i had started fapping, i had self realized that Yes, It is an addiction and it is repeating on its own. Like, i had no control over my actions. I tried back then but kept on failing. Later i accepted it as normal because doctors & society told so but now in my late 20’s. I can say this because what i was; when i was 14 and comparing my life, today. It is like that fish which is fighting for every single breath and is in so much pain, completly destroyed.

Now, I have only one option, battlefield because
I am a Warrior,
I go to the battle only for win, there is neither surrender nor retreat.
Warriors dont fear Death when fighting.
All eyes on Victory.

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#2

DAY 1

Crazy thoughts in morning. Too much lost in thoughts.
Today my weight is 54 Kg. I am underweight by 4 kg.
I checked my Body mass index from this link

My goal is 72 Kg of lean muscle mass. Tomorrow i will start my workout again.

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#3

You can do it bro… we can do it and we will do it… nothing can stop us… until we decide to stop.

3 Likes
#4

@neo_150 Thanks for the motivation.

Day 2

2 rounds of cardio done. Huge energy & i love doing it with high speaker volume.

Family Reunion Rejoice & Rewiring.

Bad news from my spouse, she has started [PO] Orgasm from porn. She said that from 2 months she was alone & i was away but i think the real reason is me. She copied this habit from me. She was a virgin and she never faped before. Hence, today i did orgasm to her from sex, i mean we had sex in which i didnt had orgasm. I did sex for her, while doing it i we both made a promise to each other that we will never fap & porn. If we have ever had uncontrolable urges, we will have sex.

Legs hurting today because of too much active lifestyle. I love it. I will grow stronger now.

My main goal is Hard mode, to Raise my energy & sexual transmutation.

2 Likes
#5

DAY 3

4 rounds walking in morning.
21+20+15+15+11= 82 ( pushups )
Car maintenance ( cleaning, tyre pressure )
2 rounds walking evening.

#6

Day 4

Sex without self orgasm
Sex at night ( at her trigger )
Sex at 5 am ( self trigger )

6 Rounds walking.
Now, all focus on streak. No sex.
5+4+5+4+6+4+5 = 33 ( pullup bar excercises. )

#7

Buddy don’t use such big big titles like fighting for Life. …

First understand to calm your mind. … Focus on developing healthy life style . .I may sound stupid to you now… But streching yourself hard does not matter here . . Consistency does. …
Focus on your thoughts learn meditation , work towards life goals. No fap is not the game, freeing your mind from urges and distraction shud be the ultimate aim… Distraction can be anything not just pmo…
Anyway u will feel like what nonsense I am taking… I shall comment after a month and let me see how consistent u are

3 Likes
#8

Thanks @rohankians
Easy days are gone. I am at such a point where there is ultimate fight.
Yes, life is on the line.
Every relapse done takes me away from my reality.
I wanna live fully in the moment, nomore lost & confused.
I wanna enjoy every moment.

#9

Day 5

7 rounds walking
2 rounds cardio

Made Pizza
Spending time with my daughter
Feeling good & confident.

Facing people now.

Dick got erect for spouse & moment of decision came. I choose my Life force.

1 Like
#10

DAY 6

14 rounds walking
22+23+15+15+15 ( pushups) = 90

Playing & walking with daughter
Feeling a bit flat emotionaly in evening.

2 Likes
#11

I’m happy for you bro. Finally, you are living with your wife and your lovely daughter again. You are trying to keep them as happy as you can, and I feel thats the most important thing as it’ll take you on a path of happiness as well. BTW how old is your daughter? She must be really sweet. Children are those gifts which brighten the world. Also, all the best to you and your wife to have a happy and ever lasting married life. You can’t need PMO with so much love around you bro. Go on amd never stop.

1 Like
#12

Thanks @PrDr she is 2 and a half year old, we are planning our 2nd child in july 2021 till then complete hard mode.

DAY 7

Great breakthrough
Today,Walked to small farm, gone outside my comfort zone.

5+7+5+5+6+4+4= 36 ( biceps workout )

Irritation in afternoon due to low energy.

In evening, i beat my drunkard father who was abusing my spouse. I looked in his eyes & gave threat of death to him. My spouse said to me that we should ignore him that violence is not the right solution and she is right. I must observe some self control & get over my emotions too.

2 Likes
#13

Chill dude, he is your dad …Talk him when he is in his senses. People can leave Alcohol with proper medication.

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#14

Actualy we have never talked like normal father son for a long time, i think never in my life because he started drinking when he was 17 and i was born when he was 30 yrs old.
Now, he is 60 years old,

Thanks dean you are right, i should talk with him when he gathers his senses but there is still lot of guilt & ego in me because of pmo addiction.

Definately, one day i would sit with him & talk my heart out.
Thanks again dean.

2 Likes
#15

Thats beautiful bro. Children are such beautiful creatures of Earth.
I admire your wife’s advice to you bro. You should not beat your unconscious father and as @Dean_Ambrose said, you should talk to him about this when he is in his senses. Also, try to keep your wife, daughter and every vulnerable person away from him when he is drunk, because you can never be sure about the actions of a drunkard.

4 Likes
#16

Now it’s your job to help ur father to get out of this shit and be a responsible son …He is old and old age is like second childhood … No matter how much he argues and fight with u , he is your dad , if u do something wrong he will help u and love u always , only alcohol has made him forget his emotions …

BUT HE IS ALWAYS YOURS AND WILL BE YOURS LOVING DAD…

THINK ABOUT IT

3 Likes
#17

Day 8

Walking towards small farm road upto cow diary
3 Rounds Hiit workout
Made delicious pasta
Spouse was horny today.

1 Like
#18

@_Motivation very nice bro :pray::pray::pray::pray: you are doing great…stay happy with your family :blush::blush:

2 Likes
#19

DAY 9

:black_small_square:Low energy, frustrated, anxiety at evening & night on day 8

:black_small_square:Bicycle cleaned ; air pressure filled

:black_small_square:Flatline has come.

:black_small_square:Anxiety accompanied by bloating.

:black_small_square:Going in front of uncomfortable again & again. courage has come.

1 Like
#20

Day 10

:black_small_square:Walked upto brick factory

:black_small_square:31+26+15+18+16= 106 ( pushups )

:black_small_square:Liking to face uncomfortable zones.
Went to uncomfortable places, going to social places now. Facing my fears.

1 Like