Don’t know where to start.
Well hello everybody reading this. I really hope you’ll read till the end. First of all I’m sorry for my terrible English.
So everything I’m going to write today in the scopes like this [] is about what you might think, in my opinion. Let’s get started.
My name is Lavoun.
I’m 19 years old male (for someone the age may be important). I live with my parents and my elder brother (he’s 25 by the way). We sleep in the same small room. My mom’s a teacher of geography [huh, like if I care] and my dad is political analyst.
I was suspended from university recently for my low grades [what you gonna do now?]. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I was never attractive for girls [poor boy].
I don’t remember when I started to watch porn (it was long ago) and I don’t remember how I got here.
My highest streak was 5 days for many years. I made it 20 days month ago (idk why) but broke it.
Last two months my emotions are completely gone (they were gone before, but last two months they are at 0). I feel literally nothing. Numbness. I tried many ways to quit this, but nothing worked. I failed so many times, that I see no hope for me. I feel only one thing. I’m an awful person.
I hate my family, I hate people. I hate you (why are you still reading this?).
Even now I want to stop writing this sh** and go for some PMO.
I’m even into cp, if you know what’s that.
Today I was standing at the corner of local bridge. Just looking down there and imagine me ending this. Did I start to think about family or some people, or someone special for me?
No.
I was just thinking… Is it really what I want? Or I want something else, that I just can’t get. I just want to get rid of the pain. Even if I hate you, anyway I wouldn’t want you to feel this ever in your life. At least I want something. That’s why I’m here.
I know what you think [huh, I’m 39 you’re 19, but I’m fighting]. OK
Death may seem like the answer, but ask yourself what you really want. Do you really want death? Or do you want to be happy and free from this?
When you’re disappointed so much after trying for so long to quit I know the feeling. Your desire to quit porn turns into a desire to just be done with everything including your life. But trust me brother, things will get better. I too was suicidal for months with a period of a month or so where I was waking up and the first question I’d ask myself was “will I do it today?” And all day i’d think about it and struggle with this decision. I even knew how’d I’d do it and planned when the best time of day was to do it. Thank God I didn’t though.
Now I’m better, pmo definitely was the key to lifting my depression. But it is extremely hard to quit, I know this. But you must know that you can. With the right methods you can take control. Life isn’t as bad as you percieve it now, you’ll see it’s actually beautiful on the other side of this darkness. May God bless you and help you.
Keep it simple, fasting and prayer. Whether it be a water only fast or anything for that matter. Semen Retention isn’t just about removing your blockages but replacing them with a positive outcomes from them.
exsample replace your suicidal thoughts with purpose of life The simple ideas tend to be significant.
I love you but I can’t learn it for you brother.
Lavoun,
I know how you feel. I only very recently turned 20. I grew up in a large family of 8 children (me and my twin being the youngest). Feeling isolated and alone is very common, but there is hope. You desire a friend who understands you. You desire to have someone in your life who is strong enough to pull you out of your past, and turn your face to not only new beginnings, but a brand new life. That friend is Jesus.
My addiction to porno started when I was 9. My suicidal thoughts came not long afyer. My motivation to work hard and have confidence in anything I did dropped. Lavoun, the world is twisted. It’s fallen. The only way to successfully have peace that lasts, and to feel pure is to give our lives to Jesus. I encourage you buddy. Jesus is a trust worthy friend who loves you, and understands. He will never put you down, but softly encourage you to be strong, and to keep walking in the light.
I was afraid of death one afternoon, and while driving, I prayed, “God, I don’t know if you exist, but if you do, please let yourself be known.” 1 minute later, a hole in the clouds opened up, and this powerful white beam of light shot through. I gave my life to Jesus months later, and I am grateful that my life has improved so much. Most of all, friend, I feel peace, clean, and forgiven.
Please, if you don’t feel your life has worth, give it to Jesus. He will give it value. Love you friend. 
I’ve been on a similar situation. But first of all you need to understand if your self damage thoughts are really dangerous. If so you should say it to your parents or someone close to you. Then if necessary talk to a professional.
About life and all shit… So life is not beautifull and clean as we think it is. I’ll put you an example: Do you remember these cool movie fights? They are clean, cool to watch. Reality a real fight is dirty. Once I started one because someone laughed at me (was my fapper days) and it ended on a hit on my back of the head while fighting some more guys (what a dirty guy I have to say xD).
Ok but I don’t give a shit about this… I know, but knowing what live is you can then act. I’ve been on this emotional crisis many times, parents and highschool always involved. You have to make good grades, whatever, etc. The way I adressed this is by thinking I do have control over what I do. Only over what I do. I can control how I behave, I can control how I work, etc.
By doing so I can start to move torwards a life I want to live.
If you are here you made the first step! You know something needs to change, and you know how to start. I suggest you to read and ask as many questions as you can. It’ll put your mindset in the place you want to!!! Never keep fighting!! Live is a dirty, ugly but honorable fight!!!
Hello, friend!
I want to admit, you are a brave person cause you wrote it down here in so honest way. That’s something.
As I can see, porn addiction is works just like the heroin, but it doesn’t kill you. That explains, why so many people are exposed to it. That also means that its extremely difficult to stop it. But you know what? It is exactly what real men have always done: they have always took the hardest journey.
So do it. Of course, it is much harder to stop doing something (watching porn) without doing something in return. So make positive changes in your life. I am not gonna to recommend you anything, but consider this options:
- work out. It’s gonna help with attraction for girls and self-respect.
- re-enter university
- find a part time job. Money is a good resource for everyone.
- think about renting an apartment in the future.
As I can see it can be a very big change in your life, exactly what you need.
See? You can be strong, you can be resourceful, you can live independently. There is a beautiful world in front of you. I know that feel when your life seems screwed from the start, I suffer from the same problems too. Even right now. But this feeling is a lie.
So get in a game. Take this hard, dirty, painful and unpleasant way to this beautiful and happy life. You can hate us if you want, it doesn’t matter for me. We all are with you, brother.
helloo @Levonad
i can understand your feelings .first when we expose to pmo ,it looks very pleasurable but with the passage of time we use it for our stress relieving.and to forget about our problems ,as an alcoholic drinks to forget about the world.
there is a good news for you that nopmo is a healthy process .you ll feel clear differences afyer 2-4 months .
a 45 years old man left pmo in 7 months after 30 years ,then you can easily handle this .
while suicidal thoughta never come from a single problem.there is a proverb ( a atraw that brraks the camels back) means there was too much load on camels back and when a straw was placed on his back .he collapsed however straw was weightless .in this was you should firat relax and think about the opportunities you ve .like
you ve a eyes to see ,legs to walk ,tounge to speak ,and too much .just compare yourself with those who cant speak ,cant walk ,cant see.
life is full of problems ,no one is happy .
REMEMBER :TIME ALWAYS PASS WETHERE GOOD OR BAD .
so try to counsell with your parents or your closest friend .
and finally GOD is always here to listen you.
Hi, @Levonad
According to your writing, there can be a lot of pressure on you. I don’t know exactly how it feels for you. I had similar experiences in my life when everything was so dark and I felt I was worthless and it was a really hard time, but I know that every situation is different.
However, if you’d like to talk, we’re here for you to listen.
I agree with @hunt1ng4self-control, Jesus saved my life, too.
Don’t compare yourself You have your own light. Your trip is different. Your stories and struggles are different. And one thing is certain: you will have your own time to flourish and will never be the same of the others. Enjoy your progress. You have only 19 years , perhaps you have 80 years ahead to live , Forget the past, the future is now ahead, change the thoughts and ideas that make you think that life is meaningless, because I tell you, Life has total meaning, and each one has a mission,and you have you own , don’t let the dark world of pornography triumph, destroy the pornography of your life and help others destroy of their lives , fight for Justice , for the greathen good , we need u
Man, it happened by mistake. Sorry sorry. I thought his friends or someone telling about sucide .
hey man. you’re 19, it’s fine to not have everything figured out. the only person you should aspire to be is your best version. it’s fine if you failed uni, you can try again or invest on the other thousand of opportunities there are out there. also you aren’t a failure for never having had a girlfriend, you’re super young just yet. don’t even worry about that!
even if u hate everyone and yourself, that is only bc of how short your perspective is on other ppl. so try to change it by meeting new ppl and helping the relationships you already have. You’ll find you’re worthy of being loved. you will be better, you will get out of this, so u don’t have to hate yourself, that’s just gonna sabotage your progress.
try to figure out your own answers. you are already in this app, bettering yourself; so y not better that attitude?
this life is the only real thing there is, so you have to work around it.
good people exists. you can better yourself.don’t give up man, you have my support.
If u use smart phone pls download purity app from play store.this app will help u from pmo