Fapping while married

I am new at this… While I’m trying to stop Fapping, is it easier to quit if I’m not having sex with my wife? Or is actively having sex making it easier to stop fapping?

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Why you want to quit? what’s your purpose?

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Porn is about misguiding your urges, playing tricks on your mind, so your brain thinks trying to impregnate your keyboard is biologically a worthwhile exercise.

Sex with your wife is worthwhile, it is intimate, it brings you closer together.

It is helping me to refrain from fapping and porn. Also, nofap has made those moments more intimate, as I find her attractive again, plain sex with her is great again, and having sex with her and orgasming while doing it, I am telling my brain that this is the right way for sexual gratification

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If I were at your position,I would have sex with my wife daily or very frequently!! Why are you fapping when you have a wife man !

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Bro, you are in a river, and you still want to allow soap to enter your eyes?. How can you be fapping when you have a wife, don’t allow porn to kill your sense of reasoning, PORN IMAGES ARE NOT REAL, THE PORN YOU WATCH IN 5 MINS, WAS ACTED IN 10HOURS.

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Hi fellow married man. One thing that’s been helping me is thinking of the ways the real life sex brings than fapping and porn does. Remembering and experiencing those times go farther than a screen.

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The problem I have is that my drive is too strong for her, I could have sex 3 times a day or more if she was into it but she can’t handle that, we’re almost 40 and have 2 kids… We normally average 2 to 3 times a week so when I feel like I need release I turn to porn which is getting boring and then it takes me sometimes up to 2 hours to finish, when I do that too often I can’t go far enough with her… what it comes down to is sometimes I ask her to do some of the things I see… Longer story shorter, she feels I have a problem with porn and masturbating and shes not wrong.

That is why I ask if my need to let go of pmo is affected by continuing sexual activity while I’m starting my journey.

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Reading your post, I thought to share this information I found from the book The Reboot Regimen by Mark Queppet. It goes against popular opinion, but here it is:

"Based upon my personal rebooting experience combined with helping hundreds of other men with their reboots, I can confidently say that the best method of reboot is known as a “hard mode” reboot, which is just a synonym for a temporary period of complete abstinence. In other words, no porn, no masturbation, no sex for a period of at least 90 days (or longer depending on how bad your symptoms are).

For a more in-depth explanation of why hard mode is the best mode or how to navigate your reboot in a relationship you’ll have to check out my other material. But to summarize it, any other sexual activity before your brain has rebooted will likely serve as a gateway back into porn.

If you really want to be master of your sex drive, you must learn that you can survive and thrive without getting every sexual desire met. Without this experience, you will always be a slave to your sexual urges because you will think you “need” to satisfy them."

Further explanation is given in this video:

I’m not married, so I don’t really know how one would fight the addiction PMO while married. This is me just passing information I found and hope it can be helpful.

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Hey ! I have a small question,how long do you last when you were inside her typically? And does abstaining from masturbation for long time helped you to achieve longer duration?

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Most intercourses only take a minute. Its not the real deal wath you watch on the Internet. Its much different and much better

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If I pmo earlier in the day i might not finish, in 20 to 30 minutes i give up if i can’t but dont get me wrong i finish 9 times out of 10… she doesn’t want to go too long most of the time but i think thats mostly because i take care of her before we even start intercorse… if were having a quickie and im just worrying about me it takes about 5 minutes usually but sometimes up to 10… if i can go a couple days without pmo our experience together is more fulfilling but i cant help what i like seeing in porn (mostly ffm)

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Yes, Abstaining from masturbation helps you to last long during sex

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@dlindstrom7 Just quit PMO,

Im working on it. Sounds easy enough lol

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A few different times i asked her to role play some of my “porn fantasies” and one of the times she agreed and afterwards she didn’t like it, she said she felt used. That was months ago and i selfishly thought she would just get over it. Last weekend i asked her to do something i thought we might like, she got upset so we had an argument, now we’re not sleeping together… not even in the same bed for now. This makes me want to watch porn and “do whatever i want” and I’ve realized that my pmo problem is quite a real problem… I’ve realized that when we are having sex i need to think of things from the vids i watch and want to do with her, like i need something more to get me there, like just enjoying her just isn’t enough… and to be completely honest i shouldn’t need porn to help because my wife is very attractive, she’s gorgeous!
My high drive kept me going back to pmo over and over because i “needed” release. Im trying to quit pmo while we’re not sleeping together so that i can learn to fight the urge better. But when she wants to have sex i want to say yes but if that’ll make it harder to stop pmo then i might relapse.

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Okay I got it. PMO creating unusual fantasies in your mind which you want to implement in real life which indeed is a problem if your wife isn’t into it. Now I’ve two solutions whether you like it or dislike it:

  1. Stop PMO. It will slowly erase the porn scenes and fantasies from your brain and it’ll be restored back to natural sex. And I don’t think you’ll have to stop active sex to quit PMO. In fact sex will help you to quit pmo.

  2. Make your wife watch the same porn you watch. She will eventually develop the same fantasies and you then you both can fulfill them together whether through roleplay or other means. But the end result of this could be devastating.

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Quit sex will not help you to quit PM…

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This is strong advice. I cannot implement it myself, being married. But this “I deserve sexual gratification” is deeply engraved in my mindset and really often lead to some bad choices (PMO, cheating, …). It was never satisfying.

It’s also a mindset I am actively fighting. I have some fetishes and I started to reject them, because indulging in them always leads down a bad path for me. And I do believe those fetishes are imposed, caused by being exposed to bad influence as a child.

I don’t t have a right to receiving sexual gratification no matter what. I have a relationship and I have to include my SO in my sex life.

Once you accept that, nofap will become easy, because you will be aware that you are acting against this arrangement.

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@Bergsteiger @dlindstrom7 That is a great question. I have been married for 27 years next week and I have been addicted to porn for 39 years, (I am not in recovery) so yes, I had to deal with this questions many times especially as I understood that the real problem was not porn but lust. So what I do, is I still have sex with my wife, that is not a problem (or a solution), but I make sure that I keep a few rules:

  1. I dont lust - not even my wife. So this means that I dont think about the sex we had in the past and I dont imagine the sex we could have in the future. I try to stay in the present. If I have sex with her in the present then that is great. Nothing more happens in my head regarding sex. If I dont do that I get in trouble and it will lead to more lust, fantazy, imagination of sex and then porn.

  2. I want sex. That is clear but I respect my wife and dont put presure on her to have sex with me. I ask her sometimes but I dont ask too often because that is a form of pressure. I try to not be selfish. This is not easy for me especially it it has been 10 days or more since we made love. But it is the right thing and it keeps me in the right place.

  3. I keep my expectations of when I will have sex with her, very low. I never think or it will be today. If I really want to have sex and I can feel my expectations of sex increasing in myself, then I will tell myself, I will probably not have sex for another week, tonight its only 10% chance. I accept that as what it is. This has kept me from focusing on my expectations.

I hope this help you.

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This is great help. When looking back then this definitely emerges as a pattern - as long as I don’t lust, I can keep the streak going. As soon as I start lusting, things fall apart.

Take control of your thoughts, take control of your life.

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