Failed after 11 days

Learning from my past, living in my present, i am the Master of my body.

I create my thoughts & actions.
I choose to climb out of hell and reach for the heaven.
I am ready for the hard work to uplift myself to my maximum powers.

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DAY 1


Strong urges during morning wood, Won.
Ordered ON company whey protein powder 5 lbs (70 scoops) online, they say it helps in recovery of muscles faster after workouts, we will find out ! A lot of money has been spent on this protein. Nonetheless of the results, i would not buy any supplements again because it costs heavy on my pocket, & a youtuber showed that dedication for 1 year & normal food can built a noticable muscular body.


DAY 2

During the day many times bad thoughts/imagination/wild fantasy/day dreaming happens, good thing is that i atonce take charge of the situation & create good thoughts.


In morning did a productive workout for my leg muscles, bones & overall cardiovascular system.
I observed that the whole right body has gone rigid & sleepy. It is not functioning properly, Due to 14 yrs of stressful lifestyle. When listened to a music i was so pumped up & motivated, i clinched my fist and did victory dance. I invest my all energy, the little bit energy i have in my morning workout. Hence, at evening i am pretty fatigued.


DAY 3

Again there were sex thoughts in morning wood time, pre-cum on erected penis. Got rid of the thoughts and went to toilet.


Today i targeted my chest in the workout. Today the energy was not that exciting but i did a great workout. My protein box came and after my workout, i had half scoop of it with milk.


Tried meditation today, the body & mind; both are in worst state. Couldn’t sit for long, never relaxed. Muscles are too tense, cant maintain a relaxed normal posture to concentrate. Random thoughts keep going. No focus & energy.


Keep going buddy :+1: :muscle:

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DAY 4

No sexual thoughts in morning, little bit at afternoon during rest time, it is reducing significantly and less intensity.
As i was reading some new topic on this forum, there was topic heading like something " your favourite character to fap" & i got stuck there because i took decision to read it but i didnt wanted to know about that character but i took wrong decision in the end. Thank god, it was only a click bait. So, my this mistake got me thinking that i am still very much vulnerable and makes poor choices, decisions.


There was a pain around shithole & balls, nothing serious though. Usualy i have such pains during beginning of streaks. Today i trained my back & biceps. Good intensity workout.


Nowadays i use the technique of giving love to myself & others. Usualy i hate myself & angry towards others. I try to give myself positive messages, motivation & good thoughts to keep myself focused & determined.

DAY 5

A increase in overall energy level. Felt good in morning.
Did a high intensity cardio workout for legs muscles & bones. I have made a progress. Now, i am doing 2 rounds of hiit training, a total of 8 minutes and a lot of warmup before it & cooldown also.


Felt a need to connect with the family and share my love. When i take care of myself, i take care of others also.

DAY 6

Yesterday night, when i went to bed for sleep, had memories of my school days; after 3 hours i somehow slept, woke up in the middle of night & there was an unbearable pain in my balls and asshole. There was half erection & thoughts of fapping came to wash the pain of blue balls; as it was a cold night; my body start shivering. And i remembered the { moolbandh breathing technique }
I pulled my anus and all surrounding area upwards and i meditated upwards my head and started throwing the air out through my nosetrils. In few minutes, the pain was gone.


Today is a rest day for me, the legs are tired from yesterday workout and they need some rest clearly. After bathing with mild hot water i soaked the afternoon sun outside and enjoyed the sun heat.

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DAY 7 & 1st Review

While bathing i saw that some flesh is formed on my bones. Workouts have started to bear results. I am a skinny guy with all bones visible; Starting of this month i took some pictures of my skeletol body in front of my camera & had measured my all body with an inch tape & recorded all on a piece of paper. I would keep that paper & pics for future comparisons of my progress.


Today i worked on my back,chest, shoulder & upper body basicaly.
I tried meditation again & it was just a little better than before. This time for atleast 2 or 3 seconds i was able to sit quietly.


A lot of random thoughts keeps going in my head when i keep laying on the bed and i am suffering from this; these thoughts are like hell; sometimes when i am brushing my teeth & these random thoughts came there also & ruin the present moment.
To relax myself i have downloaded Geeta audios for spirituality.



1st Week Review


:black_small_square:Urges :skull_and_crossbones:

Very intense urges on day 1
Intense urges on day 2 & 3.
Small urges on day 4.
And it kept on decreasing because i changed my thoughts & actions.
Because i do not edge and i stay focused on my goals & i have started to love & respect myself.

:black_small_square:Excercise & Meditation :weight_lifting_man:

Started physical excercises from day 2 for the goal of making a good nice looking physique.
Started meditation for the goal of increasing my focus & concentration.
Doing physical excercises regularly & taking breaks when the body hurts. During workout i give my all.
《 There is progress in my workouts & meditation also 》
I do meditation irregularly because i dont like it at all. During whole week; i have done 2 meditation sessions. 2nd session was a little better than the 1st one.

:black_small_square:Energy Levels :fire:

On Day 5 i noticed an overall increase in energy levels which is still intact.

:black_small_square:Wetdreams ⛆

No sexual dreams & no wet dreams during 1st week.

:black_small_square: Blue Balls & pain in ass :dizzy_face:

2-3 times faced the pain.
Some went away after a brief moment and for one at night i did ( moolbandh technique )
All were very short & managable. Now, it is good.

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DAY 8

Slept early last night naturaly(without forcefuly), woke up at 4:45 am; roam inside my house and then again went back to bed, as i sit down a sharp pain happened at penis during the motion when i hit the bed. Nothing serious, just for 2 seconds. I have seen that whenever my sleep is deep i wake up early in morning.


There was pain in back & shoulder today due to yesterday workout,
I did my pull up bar workout today.


DAY 9

After a tough emotional night yesterday, Today in morning the energy was fresh & innocent; i observed Rewiring in my movements. Brain was functioning better.


Did a very satisfying high intensity cardio workout for my legs & overall health. I am having good food throughout the day.


Now, i had a tough conversation with my mother where she was insisting me to see a doctor because on outside they think i am depressed & very weak in health.
I tell her that i have found a solution to my problems & i am working hard over it. The results will come in time.


DAY 10 Feeling a change

Won over an unexpected Trigger Last night. I think as long as we are getting triggered by advertisements. It is showing that the beast is there and we have to change this inner wiring until that we become pure & sure.
The journey continues…


Today, felt confident in the morning. Did a great chest workout ( hindu pushups )


My mother, father & brother insisted me to visit a pschologist and i said give me 3 months time; if i am unable to get out of this depression until then; i would agree to go.
I got away with emotion of anger which i regret later that i shouldn’t had shouted at my mother. I would keep an eye on my emotions.


From 2-3 days i am behaving good towards my wife, it took long but she has also started to behave good towards me. So, This formula of giving & receiving is working.


Day 11 & The Relapse

Last night i felt great rewiring.
Today i did my workouts.
In evening i took bad decision to watch girls dancing videos.
From there it went on & on. And later i faped & Orgasm.


Lesson
The mind is idiot. You know best for yourself.
I did not controled my actions and let it all go.
I got relaxed today after getting some success & benefits.
Until the goal is achieved, never let the mind loose
Until the mind becomes a friend and it start taking right decisions on its own, there is no victory & no moment to relax


I am going to start a new journey & always remember my past mistakes.

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