Ex girlfriend and how I spoiled myself

I need your help guys I’m relapsing again and again. I couldn’t get rid of this habit because of what I’ve done in the past. So I was in relationship with a girl for past 3 years and after sometime she dumped me so I was so heart broken and so pissed off. I don’t drink or smoke so I used porn and fapped to make me feel good so that I can forget her and move on at least that is what i expected to happen.

I know that is dumb but at that time it felt so right for me and that became a habit for me and now I couldn’t get rid of that. Every time the memories of my ex comes I become like a different person and my mind automatically forces me to fap.

I feel so bad for doing this to myself and I know I am destroying myself so guys please can anyone give me any ideas or advice a plan for me to escape this ? Have ever been in similar situation? If so what you did ?

Your answer will be really helpful for me to save me from myself.

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I think your brain is associating those negative feelings with fapping now because the fapping made you feel better. It gives you a dopamine rush so it’s not so different to taking drugs (way safer though). The issue is there are going to be times where you’re not feeling happy, or even feeling straight up sad and depressed, and if you’re hanging on to that thing that gives you that temporary feel good rush it can often become an addiction. Replace the fapping with a guy drinking away his sorrows every day at the bar, it’s not so different.

I’m sorry to hear about that man and to be honest with you it’s probably going to take some time for you to get over it, but the best thing you can do right now when you’re feeling unhappy is to do something else other than fapping. Whether it’s talking to someone, gym or watching a favourite movie or TV show, or even just doing nothing at all and waiting it to pass. It’s not easy I admit it but I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you fapping as a substitute for these feelings isn’t the long term solution, and it won’t put you in a better place than the last day. So try and refrain just for a few days, a week or two if you’re feeling brave and just take the negativity on the chin and move forward. You’ll be proud that you managed to resist. Good luck bro :muscle:

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Hello bro. I have been in your place once. The same thing happened to me. I was able to overcome my ex and move on very smoothly 2 years ago after struggling with her memories for years, but i kept suffering from pmo. Now, i am in my second highest streak of 60 days.
I know you might think that you are facing 1 problem, while i reality these are 2 separate problems that are linked by depression. Personally, i was an addict even before knowing my ex, but i did not realize that until recent years.
I will give you some tips that really helped me to overcome her:

  1. You are not the first one who has been dumped and heart broken. Surely you can overcome her like many people were able to do that.
  2. You need to do no contact period, whereby you delete everything related to her including pics messages notes gifts. In addition block her from all your social media.
  3. Never blame yourself. She dumped you and she is responsible for what she has done.
  4. You need to understand that all those memories that keep running in your mind, are not related to her specifically. You will always remember these moments because you were happy and not because she was there. You can for sure relive these moements with other people who really deserve you.
  5. Focus on yourself and try to improve every aspect of your life, to be more confident and satisfied.

The main problem that you are facing is depression. I know depression is very common and should not be a great issue and can be overcome easily for the majority of people. However, the main problem we pmoers face is that assume that we are depressed because we have problems in life, so we try to vent out by fapping, which is completely foolish. To elaborate, pmo is an addiction and like any other addiction has withdrawal symptoms, mainly depression. Hence, depression is a withdrawal symptom caused by pmo and not a problem in us that we need to fix it with pmo.
To conclude, the problem here is that when you stop fapping, you get depressed and when we get depressed we try to remember sad moments in our lives. Therefore, you are not fapping because you are remembering your ex, you are fapping because you are addicted, and this addiction is making you more depressed.

You need to break this cycle bro and you are certainly able to do that. I highly recommend you to read the easypeasy book. It is an amazing book tha clarifies all the misconceptions.

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I need to point out that i am not talking about clinical depression, which should be treated by a specialist. I am talking about daily depression that we face everyday due to certain conditions and remain for a short period.

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You miss your ex and that is completely normal and probably things didn’t work out with you guys for some reason and she must be wrong in somethings maybe but masterbating to feel better there is not a single reason to blame her this is something you are to blame its your fault and you need to take a concious effort to rid this behaviour

Also she must be the person to blame for your relationship maybe I am just saying but it’s your responsibility to keep your mind healthy and life prosperous human brain has a tendency to blame for the problems we face to make one self feel better it’s always easy to say something is wrong due to this and that ,but it’s always your responsibility to take the ownership to correct the wrong even if it’s not your fault at times

When we blame someone or something for doing wrong to us we have two options either keep feeling bad why this happened to me it’s not my fault if this wouldn’t have happened I would be happy my current conditions is not my fault it’s just my reaction to what happened etc OR take ownership of your situation cause it’s your situation and no one else’s yes wrong as happened with me but Its my responsibility to take steps to make it right don’t do things that will keep me depressed do things to keep myself happy CONCIOUSLY

So let me tell you if you take responsibility and start making concious effort to take self care it’s not a magic pill that you’ll stop missing your ex probably that will take sometime you can’t just forget someone so easily but you’ll start managing that stess and negitivity more efficiently

So stop masterbation and you’ll not feel that bad for the breakup definitely not depressed also you’ll start focusing on other things best is to conciously choose things and work that improves yourself because of this your confidence will increase you’ll put out a positive impact on people your with chances are you’ll find some girls who might start liking you cause of the positive persona or maybe your ex will return who knows

But from this one thing you can always keep in mind is always love your self first keep self-care your priority girls, money and success will only come to those who are confident and are best version of them selves, so stop sobbing on what happened and start self care, eat healthy sleep well ,read good books for brain exercise and in no time you’ll be a better version of you.

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I also was ditched by a girl who said please never forget me. Looks like I kept promise but she didn’t care😀. But now what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.You know I feel alone so much time. You just think about yourself only. You can use it as a motivation or make it a reason for relapse. I’ll show her what she lost. Nofap helps you gain sexual energy. you can apply it to learn skills being a better you.

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If your girlfriend has completely moved on

Do read this

The Break Up Manual For Men_ How To Recover From A Serious Break Up, Become Stronger and Get Back Into Life by Andrew Ferebee

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You have to work on putting yourself first and self love bro… You dont want to ruin yourself for someone that doesn’t want to be with you, right?

Most of us, when we have negative feelings, we quickly want to escape those, so masturbation seems like an easy way out. So we fap, watch porn, go into a pleasure zone. Its taking our mind off the negative feelings. But here’s the problem, its only for a short time, may be 10 or so mins and then the negative feelings return. So fapping wont work clearly. And thats not how life works, isn’t it? We cant escape a problem, we have to solve it. We cant solve one problem by doing something else, that doesn’t make sense. But again, thats how human mind is like, we want to escape than solve, which is something everyone of us have to work on.

Next time when those negative feelings return and you feel like fapping, remember that you are escaping and not solving. Its fine, you can be sad. Thats a normal emotion. In that moment of sadness, tell yourself, you deserve someone that wants to be with you, not someone that wants to go away. If you are responsible, if you have done something bad, so if you feel guilty for the breakup, tell yourself, true that I have made mistakes, again thats human nature, not all of us is perfect, so whatever it is, accept that and move on… And you don’t need to Move on super quick. Keep Working on yourself everytime those feelings return.

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Thanks for the reply bro and yeah I agree I often get depressed and then fall back. The 5 points you mentioned clearly made some sense to my mind especially 4th , Thanks a lot !

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I consciously know that dopamine makes me feel better and I fapped whenever her memories comes back because I thought that this will replace her memories and I will eventually forget her. That didn’t happen at all and I got addicted to this now.

I am hoping to get rid of this habit and become clean. I don’t want to be a looser for life I will try to follow your tips. Thanks for the reply mate.

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Yeah this is my fault indeed. I should have been conscious about negative side effect of masturbation. I should have analyzed the situation and tried to solve the problems but instead I fapped. I feel shameful for what I did and I know this is what losers will do.

Masturbation clouded my judgments and made me think dumb but I was not like this before. From now on I will take responsibilities for my situations and stay conscious.

Thanks for the reply mate. I will read the books you suggested.

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Try new things, explore yourself, give you time to think in activities that can help you improve. I know how it feels to be heartbroken, and is normal, what’s not normal is to use porn as a painkiller. I know that is easier said than done but after some time you’ll see things on the bright side, I’m sure of that. Just give that time to you instead of porn, tell me if you need anything!

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To be honest I don’t have self love because i loved her more than myself and all I got in return is sadness. I should learn to love myself and I will definitely remember what you said" I am escaping and not solving ". Loving someone more than myself is the stupidest mistake ever and I promised myself that I won’t ever do that again.

Thanks for the reply mate.

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I am going to do exercise regularly to improve myself. And just like you said I used porn as a painkiller which is a worst thing I ever did.
Now I am going use that pain to make some changes in life.

Thanks for the reply bro I’ll let you know if I need some help.

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To be honest, if a person leaves, the fault is of both. Its just not the relationship that him or her deserves. Both should move on be happier in their lives. She moved on, he should too. Also, what he did is one of the things thats makes most of us addicted ( lack of something, makes us want something else, reason can be any but the core for addiction remains the same). Nothing strange about it, but now he knows the truth.

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I was in a similiar place a few years ago. I’m not sure what the reasons for your breakup were, so this may not apply to you. Mine were solely due to my fapping and not being able to have sex with her. It took time, but I came to realize that initially, after the breakup, I was fapping because I was so angry. I thought I was angry at her. I thought I was fapping because I knew that was why she left me and if she didn’t like it that much I was going to do it more and more to teach her a lesson. Looking back and even typing it out now, it sounds so moronic. Those feelings evolved though. They changed from anger at her to anger at myself for doing this to myself and for hurting her so much she left me. So I punished myself by doing the worst possible thing I could do to myself. Again, looking back, I see how stupid I was. Those feelings evolved again and again, and I began to truly understand what happened and what I needed to do to become better not for her, not to win her back, but for myself, to be who I wanted to be.

Again, your breakup may have been for different reasons, but we all hurt when that happens. There’s no magic bullet. There’s no easy answer. Just try to be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. The best thing you can do is what you are doing. Honestly trying to understsnd. Honestly trying to be who you want to be. Honestly reaching out to others, and finding out you are not alone.

Also, I can’t recommend EasyPeasy enough. It was recommended to me just ladt week and I am still absorbing it.

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Read my story here :wink:

My breakup turned out to be a wonderful blessing to me later

I can tell you one thing brother, our emotions (and especially anger) are a very powerful thing. Now it’s on you how to use the power. I channelized mine to break out of the vicious cycle of porn. And if I can do it, so can you. My relationship was an extremely toxic one and when she left me I thought I’d die (I literally felt that). She was the one who told me “you are the best thing to happen in my life and I love you like crazy”. She cared for me so much and it was all so beautiful. But again she became the very person to say that I’m not good for her. She was bored and was trying to move on. I was shocked with such 180° transformation. I was angry and confused and totally in pain. But I had to fight. Let the pain come up, don’t run away. It will come and increase exponentially, and you’ll eventually get immune to it. Trust me, running away (with the help of porn and quick dopamine) isn’t ever going to help. Face it like a man! And beat it down!

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