I welcome all questions and try not to leave them without answers, but I have to think before making my thoughts into proper ideas. I’m a great fool, you see, and I need time to distill wisdom from my words ^^`
- We can’t deny the beauty we see in women
- Pictures without consent are bad (of course lol)
“My experiences always included mutual respect and attraction, or so I hope it was. You can never tell for sure… But for me sex does not exist without relationship and outside of it could be sort of repulsive. The key is that it consists of much more than just physical interaction, or again - I want to believe so”
- The same way there is good and bad stress, the tension pushing you to pmo is mostly bad. And giving into it might make you loose the other tension which would push you to do something else… Something more great
@someBody13 I hope your okay with sharing this, it might be of value for others! U’re really a source of wisdom😁
Haha, I didn’t expect this one coming, and now I’m centred with of being quoted from inside convo to the outside world. I admit, on one side I feel flattered and on the other - pretty much called out.
To make it clear - that’s ok! But nevertheless, I feel I’m need to expand a bit on the fragment you’ve quoted. The thing is, the topic won’t be what you might have expected…
…or so I want to believe
You see, I’m a great fool and I don’t think anything I say is definitely true, I’m in no position to claim I am right on many things. I believe so for a reason and bear with me for a little longer, as I have a reason to say this.
I don’t want to say one should second-guess themselves at every step and doubt every action they make. Nevertheless, giving yourself a benefit of doubt is something that cannot be undervalued. In some contexts, it means that instead of taking certain things for granted - like relationships, which we very often do think of as trivial and overlook I’m the progress - I’m trying to be wary of the fact that it might be only my perception. For instance, only my perception that everything’s going fine, even though the other side feels neglected.
Sometimes it’s the other way round - I feel as if I did something wrong and my significant other send to be angry at me…, and even though I’m sometimes incapable of doing so, I try to take a step back and give myself benefit of doubt. Maybe it’s not about me, but something else, from the outside world? Maybe it was just a misunderstanding and I’m really there was no reason to be angry? Maybe it’s not anger at all but just weariness? I’m not as stable emotionally as I used to be before COVID, so I don’t succeed at it very often, but I remember it to be a good practice to respond unnecessary conflicts.
In the context of abstaining from PMO, which is most relevant to us here, there are again to sides to it. On one hand, I’m very proud to be a non-user for 70 days already, as long as I ever had, if I need the years before my addiction… So I’m tempted to think I’m free of it in times of confidence. Yet I find in myself this additional question, lingering… Are you really free? And I know I’m not, the answer humbling and empowering at the same time. By this answer I know I’m still in the road and it might be that I’ll always be.
The other times are when I’m overwhelmed by urges and desires, too stressed to resist, almost getting back into this black pond without an ounce of air to breathe with… It feels overpowering and I often am at the verge. But then again, benefit of doubt, understood in a very uncanny way - maybe, after all, I am strong enough to resist? Maybe not with my own power, but with getting myself busy, or by surrounding myself with people, or by being with my significant other who, I think (notice!), sees me as a good, strong person…
So yeah, there’s that, my reason for second-guessing myself. Possibly for most of us this seems like a bad idea… But the way I see it, it’s one way to get perspective on yourself.
Man, the way you write, I could keep reading and reading. Nice way of describing, anything.
Many thanks for the compliment! As I already did before, I do encourage you to throw me a topic - I’ll point about it and if I come up with anything with a penny or two, I’ll return with another post!
So if there’s anything on your mind, let it go here, ripples will come back
Dreams that we have
Today I believe to have had one of the most important stand yet as requested to my NoFap journey. But first things first…
Some people don’t think much of dreams as we are not really sure what are they for. Are they to reset it minds? Solidify long term memories? Or maybe they are just by-products of our idle mind? Sleep research, insofar as I know, has not answered third question definitely.
Others believe that dreams are kind of prophecies, relating to what will happen to us or our relatives and in general have symbolic meaning. I wouldn’t go so far in my opinion…
I’m standing somewhere in the middle ground, backed by Karl Gustav Jung and his theories about common archetypes along humanity and our dreams standing for an expression of our subconscious mind. Furthermore, I have an idea that I am usually acting as an expression of just part of myself, like in the theater, where the currently playing actor is usually in the spotlight, the remainder left in the shadows, unbeknownst to the spectators - the way I perceive myself at the very moment.
With this, let me tell you my dream without any details. Or maybe a step back - my wet dreams prior to this, where I literally was dreaming of watching porn. But a good thing, I am admit, but it was clearly my subconscious still hooked up on it and basically trying to recreate this experience for itself… So I ended up waking up at every such dream, not very happy but realising I don’t have much control over it and therefore continuing the abstinence in my waking life.
Now back on track, to my today’s dream. It took place in some kind of a club, no need to go into details, but I was lead in that club to a room at the back, a kind of establishment for the boss. Walking in I’ve seen all the fetishes I used to watch in porn - no need to describe those - in an exaggerated and sketchy firm at the same time. A caricature of the things I’ve watched for most of my life, or maybe templates for what I’ve searched for when I went into the rabbit hole… There was one room and in next one they were even more grotesque. I did end up dreaming of orgasm, but when I woke up - I always wake up after such experience - I realised that it was not a wet dream.
So it seems a part of my subconscious has at least partly healed, realising it’s not worth to trade away the real experiences for new imaginations. My today’s point is rather simple…
Consciously, we see the reasons behind the NoFap very quickly, but our subconscious mind is not that fast to change its mind. However, with time it can heal as well, but we have to be persistent!
It feels a lot like taming a wild animal - I can’t go all the way in one leap, least I scare away the animal. Step by step, trust is gained, habits are changed and relation changes as well!
Keep on going, it’s all there!
Ok you really need to get that story right. Watch this The Real Story of The Two Wolves - YouTube
The whole story on the white wolf and black.
I love you but I can’t learn it for you brother
Many thanks @Lefty101 for sending me over this real version of the two wolfs sorry! It’s a very valuable one, and I didn’t know that the version that’s circulating on internet is an oversimplification…
All the better so - it goes along well with the ideas that even though all of us have some dark sides to us, and even though they may be seen as something to kill, they have their good sides as well.
A similar thought stands behind the YinYang - you may know the symbol of the black and white circle divided in the middle with a wavy partition. Surely, there is the Yang, sunny active masculine and warm energy and the is Yin, the energy connected to shadow, passivity, feminity and dampness… But each of these posts has a small do of the other, a potential to change, a reminder that one does not exists without the other.
If you accept one and deny other, you’re in deep trouble. Just like with feeding both wolves. Or my personal favourite - breathing. Try to only breathe in without breathing out and you’ll die. Try breathing out without breathing in and you’ll die. One needs the other.
However, you need to know I’m answering it after waking up so I’m not getting one thing…
I’m wondering where did I refer to it that you’re telling me I got it wrong. If there’s a point at which I have - then I stand corrected! But otherwise, I don’t remember referring to it directly and in the whole truth, I don’t feel like my posts referred to it even indirectly… If really love if you could elaborate on that! Because for more I’m left slightly confused… And still just half awake.
P.S. also the thought that black wolf without getting food and attention will get angry and finally come at you biting is not far from my heart. In general, if you try to suppress something forcefully, it won’t stay away forget, it’ll just hide and finally explode right in your face… I didn’t think that my posts may sound like advising this kind of approach, therefore here in taking it back explicitly!
@Lefty101 I stand corrected! I used a metaphor that seems to be well spread and seemed appropriate in the context, but I get what you’re saying - now there is some explanation of what was my real intention. I hope it explains it better and sets or will in the contexts of the Wolves
There’s also this story about the blind people who touch different parts of an animal and say that it is different things… Then a guy with sight steps in and sees it’s an elephant. This story one was twisted for purposes I thought unsuitable for it and I was very unhappy about it… So if you still feel I didn’t give the Wolves justice they deserve, please do tell me!
What follows may happen to be triggering to you. If you fear it will be - stop here…
…but if you think it won’t, go ahead
I warned you
I am an active man and I like to exercise. I already mentioned Aikido here, elsewhere i believe I might have mentioned me going to a pool.
However, I doubt I have ever mentioned me going to a gym. Yeah, working out, running, sometimes workout with machines, it’s also my thing at times. And sauna, the main point in this little piece.
I really love to go to sauna, the feeling of being immersed in heat and slowly cleansed of all the dirty stuff that aggregates throughout the day and during the workout in particular. It’s just a brilliant feeling, is what it is.
But now… You need to remember that saunas are not usually separated. It’s not men’s party and women’s party. Nothing like this, it’s one fits all. Therefore, entering sauna, one must be prepared to meet both sexes.
So I went there, sat in an empty wooden room, and after a little while a lady came in. She sat down, reasonably far away, and so we sat, basically clad in towels and nothing more.
Now I want to make my point. I’m not from a Scandinavian country or anywhere near a place where sauna culture is properly set in place, but for me this situation is one of meditation and relaxation. Therefore, all in all, despite sitting together with a woman, both of us practically naked, I felt no urge whatsoever.
If you got this far, I ask you - how would you feel? How would you like to feel? And if the two answers differ - what are you doing in order to get from here to there?
Assuming she’s attractive:
I’d be fucking anxious that I’d get a boner. I’d probably leave immediately. I could try to calm, but trying not to look would make my mind get up with images by itself. I’d fear being judged by her. Boners don’t mean shit, just because a girl is attractive doesn’t mean she’s a nice person.
I’d like to be relaxed. I’d want her to know that she’s attractive and that me getting a boner is just a normal reaction by a 20-someting with late puberty. And then we’d just sit there and wait for it to go away (it wouldn’t).
I think I’ll stay with the “leave immediately”. It wouldn’t be very sociable to have a boner in the sauna. My social calibration is on point