My relationship with porn and masturbation,etc…
Usually I do it pretty fast, to get to the peak, cause the process itself not fun, jerking isn’t fun most of the time. I do it to escape, cause I can’t bear feeling sad.
I always try to “not be” sad/depressed, like when I’m sad I keep thinking how can I get out of this terrible feeling. The desperate answer is pmo
Growing up, people around me would make fun of me and bother me more if I get sad, or show it or admit it, even in the family. You should always hide it, don’t let them know you’re hurt, always hide it. …So that’s how I lived, used to that.
Again when I’m sad I’m always trying to end this feeling, get out of it, fight it, as if it’s not allowed.
I’ve been in therapy for sometime, sessions usually depressing, but the rest of the week I go back to repressing and show people in real life, happy face.
Recently I can’t fake it, it’s strange, I can’t control my muscles to fake a smile, suddenly one small act of the other person could trigger my depressed self out to the world.
Anyways, …
Don’t try to fight sadness, don’t try to resist it, cause feelings are just passing by,
The more you resist it the longer it stays and gets stronger.
I’m addicted to pmo, cause it’s my way to escape elude sadness, but eventually sadness catches up and build up. Your feelings are valid, welcome it, accept it, acceping your feelings and letting it be is the right way to process sadnes not pmo
I thought some of you might be attacked to pmo same way I am, I hope it could help