ERNOL's Journal ☀

Yes, things feel a lot easier when you are in control.

Same to you, man :slightly_smiling_face:

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Day 20
After so many days i took break from everything today. I got a straight 7 hour sleep and woke up energized. It was wonderful! It’s certainly different from sleeping for 4 hours then taking naps here and there.

Got to eat some good food today. I’m grateful for that. :slightly_smiling_face:

:ballot_box_with_check: A Good day! :+1:
:ballot_box_with_check: Eating well
:ballot_box_with_check: Sleeping well

Day 20’s about to end. Good hopes for tomorrow.

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A new problem has come up in my life & i wanna adress it before it becomes a concern. :slightly_frowning_face:
I will spend this week researching about it and get it fixed hopefully.
So, this week i won’t be writing diary entries or it’ll be very brief check in if i do.
Next time i fully come back, there shall be 27 days in my counter. :boxing_glove:
Might and main. Stay frosty. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Glad getting more sleep has really helped you!

I’m sorry to hear brother. I hope it is nothing too concerning. Stay strong during this time, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Hope to see you back soon with a beautiful 27 days bro :slightly_smiling_face:

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Day 22 just checking in…
Got hit by some effective urges lately. When that happens doing an activity that takes my full focus really helps me. It switches my attention.
After some time urge just vanishes.

I have my reasons clear to myself. I know why I’m doing this. :facepunch:

It’s 2020 in my place already. Entering into 2020 on a streak :kissing_smiling_eyes::tada::sparkles: Yay!
22days. YES!!

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Great job bro! That is a wonderful feeling :tada::clap::clap:

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I can attest that it is indeed :wink: :smile:

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This is why you have my respect brother. May God always keep your protected. :slightly_smiling_face:

Yeah, currently i am trying to come up with a balance in studying and sleep. because i am functioning but i believe i need more proper sleep.

Day 26 checking in…
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If you have all 3, it’s a recipe for a perfect storm what you’ll get caught up in. What this means is if you have these traits then man,
If life is able to put you in a suffocating enough position next thing you know anxiety is having a field day with you.

Being caring about your future is one thing. It can help you come up with plans.
But worrying about future so much so that it creates anxiety to the point that you can’t even execute your plan, halt your performance is no help at all. That’s counter-productive. It will destroy your life.

I learned that the hard way. To be honest i can’t blame myself… Being the only responsible person in the family takes a lot of guts. I have been in a position in life where i had no choice but to work hard for future and had to use my concern for future to keep me going and going. But now i have become wise. I know what not to do.

I threw my worries(to be accurate fear of the future that is only figment of my imagination) away in the metaphorical trash can today and slept like a baby today. I felt so liberated from my worries.

Feeling mentally strong after waking up.

But my anxiety have progressed to a point that physically it’s not within my control anymore. What do i mean? So now if an important enough worry comes, there’s automatically effect on my body. Burning sensation in chest that i mentioned before & my heart beats like it’s hammering nails. I can only contain the thoughts. I have been looking up strategies to contain the thoughts and feel confident that i can do it.
And my anxiety it’s not clinical as far as i have researched. But it was on the way to become clinical.
Good thing i stopped everything and looked into it.

This will put a new hurdle in my journey though because i know what i used to do to get domapine when i had negative feeling. So, because of anxiety sometimes urge will come. I will be careful about that. So that’s what’s been going on with me lately.

I looked at a picture today. It was not dirty(just that she was a good looking person. Not gonna justify myself tho). i’m feeling regret for doing it… I wanted a clean 30 day streak i.e. without any peeking. And considering i am doing ‘hard mode’ more or less, i’m feeling bad even more. Wanna stay clean as much as possible. Should have controlled myself.

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Day 30 checking in…

So, It’s day 30!
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For me, Last few days been hard in terms of noPMO journey. It’s because i’ve been lazy so my mind was not occupied by my meaningful tasks. It’s my mistake. I have to get back on track.

I will exercise now and hopefully get back on track.

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Congratulations on day 30 brother! :+1:t5: :fire:

We all have slips now and again on our productivity, the key thing is to get right back on track. The good news is you didn’t let laziness lead you back to PMO.

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Yes my brother. I will get back on track right away! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Congratulations for crossing 30 days. You have got a clean month to yourself , keep going, make yourself proud .

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I shall.

Thanks, man!

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Day 35 update
NoPMO journey is fine. so far…
Now onto other things…

I am still struggling balancing my schedule. But last few days been interesting for me… This phase of my life is feeling like journey to me. I am finding out things about myself… And i believe i have found myself today! I have found out how my life i want to be… Which is awesome! I have found out what i want to do!
However, if i can’t manage to do it i feel i’m gonna fall into a depressive episode. Which won’t be good…

Other thing i wanna write is that recently i had the opportunity to help someone. Well, technically i couldn’t help much because the person lives in a totally different country than mine. But i helped how i could. I am feeling grateful to God(Allah, creator of all that exists) for being able to help the person. Feelings like these are precious.

Peace.

Update: The person contacted me and it seems I did manage to help the person during a critical phase. It was not in vain. I believe there couldn’t be any better outcome given the person’s circumstance. Always have faith. Things work out.

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Self-reminder:
“Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called present.” :slightly_smiling_face:

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Day 36 checking in…
Got triggered in an unexpected way today. Mind can do such weird gymnastics to get triggered lol. Since it was unexpected I had to look for a solution and found a solution.
I’d say it was a big urge but i handled it because i looked for a solution. The urge calmed down. Feeling happy.

I am also feeling good. I was thinking about my last streak. I have learnt from the mistakes of my last streak and avoided the holes this time. My last streak ended due to edging. Soon just after that i relapsed. This time i choose not to allow that. Anyway i need to sleep. Bye, diary.

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Day 39
I was seriously struggling yesterday. But i am hanging on. Lol i need a vacation. But i have no vacation in sight… I have to ride the storm.
Got over an urge yesterday in the middle of all this. I stopped myself. The reason being my reasons for noPMO. The urge couldn’t stand in front of me anymore, because of my reasons. My reasons are clear to me.

Good thing is i didn’t even need to execute my plan.

Finally, this part may seem random.

Lesson for myself today is: “what you do, comes back to you.”

I need to continue my journey.
In this journey never be depressed.
But keep trying and trying and giving your best.

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Well done, yeah I have to admit the urges can be a nasty peace of work. It spoils the good vibes a bit (not wanna be discouraging or negative, but realistic), but the awesome thing is when you think back on it you feel stronger you just feel purely awesome! It is something you just can’t discribe after you are over the ( I feel sort of bad for having the urge kinda moment).

The best thing I do when I get an urge is to feel positive about it. Thinking about it like a new challenge and getting stronger and getting closer to the better version of me! ( Just another disclaimer I am not looking down on you in the line of “Uhhh, you conplain about an urge” tipe of manner) Urges are hard and real and everyone is handling it in their respective ways. I am keeping an open mind and sharing my method. Hoop it might give you a fresh fighting spirit, maybe try it to help you.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome!

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Yes brother! Fantastic work!

Remember man, you’ve got this. As strong as the urge waves are, you are much, much stronger.

Great mindset from @Cubenix!

Keep going bro!

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