Sacred's Diary (23 M)

Day 15 still - God really worked in me today. I feel close to him again.

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Day 16 - night. Woke up and had a pretty deep thought that I wanted to share.

I used to be suicidal before this journey for a couple of reasons. I was afraid, and I was alone are the 2 main ones. Pmo had my anxiety running always at 1000x the normal rate and intensity. This in turn made me afraid to do literally anything. 3 weeks into (nofap) I’m literally a rock. My anxiety is at an all time low and I find I have the confidence to face things in life now. But this thought arose “I’m still going to die.” And for some reason that gave me comfort; for some it might scare them, but for others that don’t really LOVE this world and the life it brings I say that’s a huge hope but also motivation to strive to at least do your best while you’re here. We get caught up in this world and the things of it but we forget that there is another life after death in Jesus the Christ. I’m no longer suicidal, but I still hope for when the time does come I will be happy knowing that I did my part. (Nofap) gives you the confidence to take on life while you’re here. Imagine trying to face life but having a terrifying anxiety follow you around everywhere. It just isn’t a way to live. You’d be wasting your time here all because of this thing that plagues you, and I believe that is a main thing that was making me suicidal. Just the fact that I couldn’t face life anymore. With this new confidence I will strive to make this life a fruitful one.

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Day 16 - today didn’t feel too special. But I got stuff done and still going strong. I don’t even worry about urges anymore so that’s good. But when one does come I’m full force fighting it. Not even curiosity is allowed. Thank God for everything.

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Day 17 - great day. Motivation high, anxiety low, energy high. I’ve been working out since the beginning of August, I’ve blown up in terms of muscle mass and strength. Idk if free-testosterone has alot to do with it or not. I do think it’s a combination of things I’m doing. Also my energy levels even during and after the workout are high. I attest that to taking in more greens and vital nutrients my body needs. Overall a fantastic day. Thank you LORD.

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Day 18 - slept a whole lot today. Emotions are bipolar still. But if this is my life for the rest of my life so be it. It’s better then where I was. Thank you LORD for giving me strength over this sin. Forgive me Father for any sins I have committed. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice for me. Amen.

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Day 19 night - been struggling with what they call (blue balls). Haven’t really had strong urges this whole journey. Only little urges that I immediately address. Thanks be to God.

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Day 19 - Days been good. Only things is body feels a bit beat up. Probly from my workouts. Sadness is gone for now so that’s good.

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You are invited on this journey because god has a plan for you. This is your great test. Prove yourself.

Peace

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Thank you for this kind message. He has a plan for you too. He has a plan for all of us. May God bless you.

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Start of Day 20 - Feel strong. Got up today with a fighting spirit. Urges are no longer a matter to me. I distinguish the flesh from the spirit and the spirit is more powerful to overcome this sin. I never see porn in my future honestly ever again. Like it isn’t even a possibility anymore in my eyes. All I fight is the body, it cannot overtake me, it will not. Yes I still fight the urges, and I must be aware of that. But it’s as if a switch was turned on this time. God really dilivered me and I cannot be more grateful. I’m free. Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you Abba.

The moment you stop fighting is the moment you lose the battle.

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Day 20 - Day 20s been a good day. Last day for my 3rd week. I’m loving life. God is good always and he’s showed me that today and it’s a reoccurring thing he’s shown me again and again. Thanks be to Him.

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Day 21 - had urges last night not for pornography but for real sex. It made me have insomnia, but I eventually kicked it. I didn’t dwell on it like I used to. I don’t ever think I’ll watch pornography again to be honest. The urges are not strong enough anymore. And even if I do get a strong one I fight it off with 100% certainty. All through focusing on God’s word & his promises. I still do have the negative effects that porn caused me though (anxiety, depression). Not nearly as deep but I know with due time it’ll continue to get better and better as it has. Praise God I’m ending the 3rd week here I come 1 month, and forever more. Thank you God.

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Day 22 - Easy, no urges. Confidence about me. Depression gone. Conversation so much easier. Overall good. Thank the LORD.

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Morning of Day 23 - I have this wonderful confidence that I will make it. Never have I felt this before. The only thing that brings me down are wet dreams which I had one last night, but I know they are apart of the process.

On day 30 I will make a 1 month post on how the journey has been so far. The good, the bad. It is crazy how much I’ve changed in just these 22 days. It’s felt like a lifetime. Yet only 22 days? That means in 22 more days I’ll feel even better. My brain is healing everyday at this point. Thank God for everything. Really.

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Morning Day 24 - Had another porn dream. This time I was relapsing and I couldn’t stop… It was terrible. Thank God it wasn’t real. In real life I don’t really get close to relapsing, but in dreams it happens. Idk what this means. I do get fast intense urges during the day but they’re over like that. Idk. Just thank God it was fake.

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I have had dreams like this in the past. They usually come when I’ve been especially good at avoiding the temptation. The enemy is trying to bring you back with another method.

Stay strong and be vigilant brother. GOD be with you.

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Thanks brother. Always vigilant. May God be with you too.

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Day 25 - Another ■■■■ dream/wet dream. It felt so real. I relapsed for half a second in a dream and then I literally started crying. I could hear myself crying outside my dream too in real life. I was even going to post on this forum about how I’d relapsed. I woke up and I couldn’t even believe it was a dream. THANK GOD! :sob: These dreams are tough man, but if anything they’re really driving in how I never want to relapse again.

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Day 26 - Been a good day. Everything is just better is the best way I can put this. Thank you Father, The Son, And The Holy Spirit.

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Day 27 - I was going to skip this day because I just got lazy to write down something. But then I got an urge at night time. Not a huge urge where id do anything but big enough to make me say okay I have to read my Bible right now. One of the biggest I’ve felt in a while. So no more skipping days.

Day 27 was good. I’ve been waking up with aggression though. Spent time with family. A bit more antisocial today. Tbh it was a stressful day, but I made it as good as possible.

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