I have this doubt for a while since I’m reading your post.
Every once in a while some of you guys come up with a topic asking or giving recommendations to success in no fap, and one recurrent advice is to ‘avoid every contact with womans’ like we were the cause of the problem from beginning.
Even more, recently I’ve read a topic were someone said: “avoid girls, their fucking voice make me urge”
I feel bad when I read some of this kind of opinions.
Please don’t misunderstood my words… Every opinion must be respected. But…
Is thinking that girls are guilty of the relapses a little too out of focus?
The PMO problem is about the lack of self control, not due to environmental factors.
So… Do you guys really feel angry to girls?
I think I already know the answer, but I wanna read your opinions
What most of the men think that the reason for their relapse is a woman. But thats not entirely true. The main reasons of relapse are loneliness, depression and longing for sexual intercourse(that’s it, no other reason). The chemical that is released after fapping ( sorry for digressing, bear with me), which is dopamine that provides a temporary “satisfaction” in ones life. Ok coming back to track, the guy who wrote the post suggesting men to completely abstain themselves from any kind of women contact, is just plain stupid. But he was onto something. What he should have said is rather abstain yourself from objectifying a woman. Most of the time, men look at women and start fantasizing about having a sexual intercourse with them, here is where the trouble starts. So to all my fellow male companions, whenever you come in contact with a woman, look them in the eye rather than taking a peek of their body parts. Stop spreading the wrong concept. I am glad that @KateSista brought it up.
I’m a guy and I can tell you sometimes looking at a really cute girl, especially the private parts and all guys are guilty of this, can turn us on very easily and we entertain those thoughts into relapsing. Still I believe not being around women is a bad idea. The reason is eventually sex is a good thing. Especially in bonds of marriage. If a man avoids women because he’s afraid of doing something to them eventually he will be afraid to form a romantic relationship. I believe the best way to go about it is don’t be alone with a girl for long periods of time. Know where the e boundaries are and don’t cross them. Self mastery is not about avoidance but about controlling oneself. Now granted I also believe for a short while if a man feels like he cannot be around a woman without relapsing, it might be a good idea to stay away for the time being to get some sense back in his head but to not completely avoid the situation. Truth is there is no way to avoid girls without turning into a hermit and that also can be a trigger to relapse.
The situation differs for every man going through PMO. Some PMO things can cause a major impact on the way he sees a woman in the streets or even his very own family. So its not that woman are the issue, its that when PMO becomes a danger zone for some men that it becomes an environmental issue for some. Does that mean they should not be around girls? No, actually he should be around girls to become more aware and in control. So no woman arent the problem. But it could become the problem in the minds of man especially with a scenario like a severe addict. Now what if a woman was all naked in the streets? That will really get guys going who are addicted. Fact.
I think the best practice is not to fantasize. I don’t need a woman in front of me to fantasize, but fantasizing doesn’t lead anywhere good anyways. The fantasies get us into trouble.
I appreciate an attractive woman but I rarely consider if I want to sleep with her. Sex then becomes complicated and I believe the best plan for me is no sex right now.
I think you’re right. Woman are not the issue… PMO set the field so you boys find really hard to behave normally among them. from that perspective, the solution is not avoiding contact, but allow contact to achieve habituation. That’s how you really rewire your brain.
It’s like you were trying to learn how to play basketball but never had a ball and get to the field to do some shots… here you’re trying to learn how to control your impulsive thoughs to girls but never being around girls. just nonsense.
True.
But please don’t be so rude with yourself.
If you are here in this community thats because you want to be a better person, and thats a good thing.
No, @KateSista. I’m not being rude or angry or anything. I don’t blame attractive girls here for being genetically attractive because that’s mother nature.
Still, there are two things when it comes to you girls. On one hand, I have social anxiety and awkwardness and I am really shy when it comes to attractive girls, and I’m a teen with high libido due to hormones, so it’s pretty natural to get attracted to amazing girls and sometimes I can feel very shy or awkward. And I am panic with my sudden attraction. That’s why I start intensifying PMO.
On the other hand, I feel lonely and suffering for years and I need girls’ touch or warmth to fill in my heart and idk whether it’s possible or not because I’m shy whenever I am close to them. And I want to cope with that awkwardness. That’s why I join NoFap. And so far so good, day 3 despite edgings due to a part of me infatuated to you girls.
I just fear that my panic or my feelings or several attractive girls on streets or buildings would cause a trigger to relapse, so in order to avoid panic, yeah I would avoid looking at girls as much as possible until I fully recover and see you girls as humans.
So that’s my thought. Hope you can understand that.
Sooner or later, I have to work among crowds.
Sooner or later, I have to interact with ■■■■ and attractive girls with several relapse triggers.
Sooner or later, development must be initiated.
Maybe I have to finally even initiate conversations?
You may be in a critical spot of development as a teenager. But you must know that no all the teenagers suffer from social anxiety. That may be something that you have in particular and you should work on that if you think it is bad for your life.
So, in cases like yours I support avoiding girls… But, and here is the important part, Not for ever!
My original question has to do with some of you guys that think us girls are some nasty and bad creatures that make you fail and should be vanished from life haha
My personal opinion of nofap is that is a process to overcome an adiction to instant dopamine rush obtained from masturbation.
I don’t think masturbation is bad. I even thin is healthy to do once in a while… And that’s my goal here… To rewire my brain towards a new status were I won’t need maaturbation but I could do it sometimes if I want.
Arrggg my grammar is awful. I hope you can understand the idea if my posts
I can only speak for myself but no I have no reason to feel mad at girls or women in general. If there is anything to be mad at, it’s the culture of fetishing external appearances that inhibits the development of skills necessary to get genuinely close to women.
Some guys may consciously adopt an attitude of aversion towards women as a temporary means of keeping temptation at bay. It may work as a crutch, but I don’t think it’s a great idea.
Digging a little deeper into the topic though, some guys have subconscious resentment towards the opposite sex due to childhood issues, parenting mistakes etc. If they bring those attitudes into their nofap journey as well, even unknowingly, then they are missing the point and I doubt that they will benefit very much. So far, fortunately, I haven’t seen such a mindset expressed from anyone during my short stay here.
Okay. I get your point and your grammar is not as awful as you initially thought earlier. But how to battle boredom and loneliness which leads to relapsing?
P.S. : The real reason I avoid crowds and beautiful women are because I find them intimidating. I mean… their sharp glare towards me is enough to make me think that they hate me. Just like one particular hot girl who suspiciously glare towards my direction. It’s cringy and I immediately assume that girls and strangers in general don’t like to be stared at.
Hello friends of this conversation…I am writing for the first time in this part…In fact I am writing for first time in such topic ever…I had read all the reply n I found something on which no one is talking.n that is the real concept of NOFAP…NOFAP is not about stopping sexual activities but it have more meaning than it…It is finding yourself in this world…It is race agains only one person n that is SELF…The boys assuming that girls are the big reason for fapping or for other things.it is ABSOLUTE WRONG direction Of Nofap…It is not matter of comparing,blaming, ashaming…It is matter of self controling over all the physical things in this world.Not only of sex but for every aspect of life…
If you are boy then you don’t have to run away from girls.n vise versa…You just have to control your LUST that set…No boys n no girls are cause for materbation…Only you n your thought’s are RESPONSIBLE…Think for once.its your life…I am not native Englishman if there is some grammar mistake pls forgive me.pls understand my point .It is not a topic of talking in fact is of acting(actions).All you are are your own assets…
Sorry for long post.
You have a point but we guys have hormones and some of introverted guys like me tend to be shy around girls or even get easily attracted to girl’s amazing curves, so it can be a great boomerang which will eventually get me sooner or later if not controlled properly using NoFap, especially since sexual harrassment culprits tend to be despised and feared everywhere.
So, I don’t blame attractive girls for being attractive or amazing because I believe that every single humans has a right to be attractive or charming. I just want to say that girls work as a catalyst to our reaction and that’s why we have to avoid looking at them for a while. I don’t say that girls or guys are the main cause of masturbating habits but I disagree that masturbating habits are not caused by attractive girls or guys.
I share the exact view that you have. Girls are absolutely not the problem at all. Girls are not equal to sex objects / toys, girls are not equal to porn. Porn is porn. The issue with nofap is mainly coming from porn influence and other psychological factors. If some men say, “avoid women at all cost”, then they themselves are not solving any issue in their own mind, in fact, they are creating more isolation and trouble for themselves. Yes, some men, irrespective of anything, are naturally comfortable living an isolationist life, which has nothing to do with nofap nor women nor porn etc. But if some men think women are causing them to relapse, then they ain’t going nowhere but doomsday land. I hope they find some rational solutions to their fapping addiction instead of blaming opposite gender. Nofap is solely about building self control, self confidence, rational and critical thinking , knowledge seeking and self empowerment, and blaming others won’t solve the problem at all.
I forgot to mention that not all woman are the problem for relapse. Well if your talking About the woman from the porn industry, who support the lustful thoughts. Prostitutes, etc… These all cause relapse. These woman do cause relapse. Now the woman who are just being woman and not stripping, etc… Those woman are not to blame. Same goes both ways with either sex. The point is if you want to blame woman, blame the ones in porn industry. Etc…
Interesting thoughts @WalkWithoutFear
It’s difficult to generalise them, as most of know, they aren’t all the same, and have made poor life choices.
I’d just blame the industry, and our self for supporting it
@KateSista - yep, thinking girls are guilty of OUR relapses is way out of focus.
I think women/girls feeling the need to impress guys with their looks is natural.
But thesedays, now porn is the norm (everything just getting stronger) I feel things are getting a bit out of control.
At least in Japan, women dress nicely. You won’t see leggings or provocative fashion (unless you look for it)
In UK… Its crazy what girls dress like I think.
But I just have to accept it.
I’ve been a guy that’s kept looking for the next hotter girl and so on. I’m not proud of that in the slightest.
