Discovering Who am I? {adioz's diary}

.__________________. DAILY JOURNAL ___________________

Date: / / 2020 _______________ Today’s Streak:

Today’s quote:


  • Y’day i sleep at: Today i wake up at :

  • Memorable Moment(s) I Experienced Today :-

  • Today I followed these Habits:-

  • Today I am Grateful for:

  • How would you make tomorrow great?

  • Daily affirmations, I AM…

  • How could i have made today even better?

  • Top Two Distractions To Minimize Today(Before Bed)

My sharecode- (which is not useful as I don’t have supporting mobile) uce8d1
:india: 25M

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Why I want to do this Nofap??

What problems did porn caused you

  • I came back to defeat this addiction which ruins my all relationship
  • my heart is like made up of rock, emotionless…(towards other people)
  • Always being sad about my capabilities…(feels hopeless, worthless)
  • low self confidence
  • Low memory (kind of short term memory)
  • Procrastinating habit, making excuses, sleeping most of the time
  • Having sexual thought all time.
  • Can’t concentrate & focus.
  • Not creative like others
  • my mind is not generating ideas
  • I became Coward & i let everyone walk over me.
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I’m very glad and happy that you are starting your diary. It’s a great opportunity also for me to learn from your daily life. I will read your journal everyday. Though I’m very younger than you, my love and support is always with you. I’m waiting to see you success and get whatever you lose. All the best.

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i want to share few things which my girlfriend whom i want to marry but because of this PMO. i became bed cozy, lazy to take any actions otherwise i would get married to her long time ago.

–> what i have learn’t from her:- (Please don’t Judge)

  • Never allow anyone disrespect you.
  • Never allow anyone to get close to you or become high priority that later you’ll regret - Why you gave so much importance to them
  • There is nothing like word “LOVE” in real life. Its all look good in movies… In real life one who have some status and money to survive and fulfill his & her desires only that person can live happily with his wife. (i may be wrong)
  • Without having job don’t expect that you’ll get what you want. first become independent then take responsibility of your home & help parents take care of them. make parents your first priority. when you capable of handling these then take 3rd person responsibility by doing marriage with them.
  • Never promise anyone when situation/ your mood is too happy or sad. and never speak a word when you’re angry(if you do think before you speak). it can spoil other’s mood too.
  • Never take every conversation seriously when other’s are kidding. Just become the jolly guy and make the environment happy & Never tell any secrets about your girlfriend to any of your friend they might become the reason for ruining your relationship. try to fix every problem by yourself.
  • If you want to do something good for anyone and expecting same in return then what is the use? it became a deal… do work like god where he do for everyone… Neither ever tells us nor expects anything from us…
  • Never depend on anyone too much that when they leave you, you’ll regret later(for the mistake you never done). If they leave you… Don’t wait for them, if they want you in their life, they will definitely contact you from source. Don’t waste your time to overthink & blame yourself (for the mistake you never done).
  • After having breakup…
    Find some task/work to fill your that void and love that because in the end you only can help yourself to come out of that feelings help you any situation.
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Each and every word is true.

She told the truth of the life, the secrets of life and our duties in life.

Im taking a screenshot of this. If you don’t mind.

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i wrote because i want to remind myself… how i should be…?
your wish brother… if you want to take screenshot.

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I want to clear/erase my mind memories from all the negativity and past mistakes and failures.
i mean… i want to make my mind clean and clear. so that i can write it again…
and need little help from companions here.

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Always with you and for you brother

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Today’s day is unproductive.
as i sleep y’day 3:30 am (till that time i didn’t feel sleepy) i wake up late 10am. ( its too late than usual)
when i wake up i feel like i already relapsed. i went to check is it wet dream i had? because i don’t remember anything . i found nothing but my energy is very low and i feel very depressed. i felt a cravings to watch p but as i was too tired… i became bed cozy.
In afternoon i was watching a movie with family. that reminds me and flashbacks started inside my head about my Ex gf. but i still feels like she will accept me if i have good job and if i started taking my responsibilities.
whole day went in rewire as well as Television.
how i can make my tomorrow better… i should start working on my skills.
and rewire visiting hours should be decreased… as i said i will come only once a day…
from tomorrow i will come in night.
i should start doing habits…
reading book(my favourite hobby)
exercise
meditation
affirmation list+gratitude list+thankful list
lets see hows my day tomorrow.

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You can just start with changing one habit with consistency which is called keystone habit.
Like, waking up early, exercise, reading book or writing journal, make a routine for next day.

I’ve read it in a book and I applied it to myself. I made a morning routine and a night routine and i strictly focus on those hours which make my whole day almost disciplined.

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I will try to get better. @Saim

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Today, there was a moment when my mum was standing behind the door doing some work and curtain are also there infront of the door,
Suddenly phone rang and when I went to give phone to my mother… I was unaware of close door and I hitted so hard that mum got hurt and I was feeling angry that why don’t they remove the curtains when door is closed.
I felt like it’s my mistake… But blaming my mum for her mistake . I didn’t said anything and walk away from there. Now I feel like I don’t have any emotions even she got hurt… I didn’t said sorry to her…
I said sorry alot in my life now I thought it’s over now. I won’t say sorry to anyone . Why always I have to say sorry to everyone… When they do any mistake they don’t say Sorry (here I am indicating my ex. Girlfriend). I have lot of anger towards every girl. Either she have connections with me or not unconsciously I hate them. Don’t know why…
I want to know why I always have this feelings…!
( I will think deeply about this today)

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@Adioz I too feel sometimes to not be apologetic and before I fell for this habit I always used to feel for others and apologize because that thought should not remain, that regret it stays although this is a small incident but it affects mentally.

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we both are same brother i have this habit of apologizing first even if its not my mistake…
this habit i have before this PMO addiction. i always Apologize because i always having fear of loosing friends, because i have very less friends (who are mean… they stay with me till their needs met) even i experienced same that most of the girls are also mean…!
situations made me introvert and basically i am extrovert but now the mixture made me Ambivert.

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Brother @Adioz you are so strong. You have gone through many hard times throughout your life. But you are still thinking positive, doing positive stuffs, improving your life, helping others heartly. Your hard times couldn’t take your inner values. You are still great.

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tbh i feel like or I think you speak exaggeratedly… which I am not really.
my x gf said this Help others when you can help yourself… but i do… even my life is like puzzle.
thats why i came here to help myself by using my diary where i will be honest to myself.

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today i am missing my ex. i need one girl to talk to.
if don’t do… i’ll feel lonely… feel unhappy…
i saw many videos why we feel lonely?..what we can do when we feel lonely… one i am doing right now(journaling)
do you(talking to myself) know how it feels when no one is around and you can’t be happy, all day same expression, I’ve never been happy with my inner soul.
i feel like crying ( why i am the only one who don’t have friends)
when i see others are going on gedi(punjabi word)
{meaning: roaming with friends without purpose just to enjoy the day}
i always think how it felt like if i go on gedi with my friends…
i always sit at home even i feel like i go out with some friends and enjoy the day… but never happened this.

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I don’t know how but I felt the exact same today and yesterday night and also was thinking same about gedi yesterday (I was not exactly thinking about that but I was thinking that when I will stand on my feet that I will have my own car and go for a ride with my family and friends)…
Also my ex and I always wanted to meet each other but could not coz her home was far away from mine when we were together but do you know now when I have shifted near her house couple months ago (hardly 5minutes from my home now) we don’t talk anymore ( as I told her not to call me because I thought we always end up in a fight or an argument so it’s better not to talk) but I was missing her yesterday really bad and was thinking that how immature I was to let her go (she always thought about my good and betterment but I was fool and arrogant, could not see her good side and her love and I realize that when now she’s gone, I have really hurt her a lot, she is really a diamond) but what to do brother this is life… We don’t get what we want, we get what we deserve… I always thought that I was too good for her but later I started realizing that she was too good for me and now I think she did not deserve an immature and childish person like me (I was not right for her but I really miss her alot but she won’t believe that I do miss her, I have made that image in front of her), it’s one of the reason that I want to make myself better…
By the way Don’t be sad brother, your time will come to shine and things will be much better, you are a fighter bro!!

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Don’t think like this my brother @selfconqurer. You are capable of achieving anything in this world. You know that. That is why you are here in the first place. Yes life gets tough sometimes, especially relationships. But we have to burn through that fire and rise up like the phoenix bird. This time we’ll become the greatest version of ourselves brother. Be patient and work hard. If she is meant for you she’ll come back. Otherwise the right one will join you bro. Same to you @Adioz brother, always have faith and belief. The beautiful days of your life are yet to come. I promise they’ll come. Keep going with positive faith and hardwork bro

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Thanks for your words brother @Tagore as always!! You are a true blessing to this community…
I was not sad or depressed but sometimes we get stuck in the past, thinking all the bad choices we made and bad behaviour we did, it was just that moment!!

Completely true :slightly_smiling_face:
And I am a 2000% sure our time will come to shine as we are trying to bring that time and not sitting for luck alone as we are trying to improve ourselves and that’s what matters!!
A man cannot remake himself without suffering for he is both the marble and the sculpture!!

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