Am Aragorn (obviously not the real name ). I have been addicted for few years now. Now, 25 years old. Already struggled a lot to come out of this addiction many times. But all those fights were fought alone. Here, am starting a new journey. I hope, being in a community of this kind would be helpful. I will try to write daily. Mostly my thoughts, what I have read about this addiction and may be, some tips or advise you can add to your own journey (am not an expert though ). You can follow me using my sharing code given below.
I hope and pray that you may come out of this addiction and lead a prosperous and happy life ahead.
“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you will escape it one day, how awesome it will be, and imagining that future that keeps you going on, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present”
Finally, man. This will help you a lot with your journey, knowing people are reading and are watching your journal helps. You don’t want to disappoint all of us man. Make small goals like 7 days and go up little by little.
I started for pretty same reasons. I realised PMO is ruining me in all spheres of my life. Especially my academics. My grades went very low. This is the most important reason.
This year is very important for me personally. I have to decide where my career lies and hopefully will find my spouse at the end of this year or beginning of next year.
So, when I start my new life with her, I have to be a completely new man. Washing all my bad past away. I want to be a good man.
There are a lot of other personal reasons also man. But unable to open up now due to personal reasons. But at some point of time, if I find it okey to share, I will let you all know, what my life is about and what had led me to the place where am now.
By the awat, am not at all depressed or low now.
Because God Almighty has already given me a lot of good things in my life. Am always grateful for that.
My parents has never forced me to pursue a particular carreer. Even though they themselves don’t have much educational background, they were very keen to give me good to education in every possible way. They have given me freedom to choose my carreer. And I didn’t let them down. I had very good grades all along my school days. They were very happy about me. I got admission one of the best colleges for my graduation also.
Am grateful for all those things. Am happy for that.
But somewhere at some point of time, I fell in this trap. Now I have to come out of this trap. And I will do it. No matter what it takes.
Like @gunsblazing has said, I will set small small goals first and I will rise. I will come out of this. And I will support all my friends out here.
Am thankful for all of your concerns. Humanity and kindness still exist in this world.
Day 1/3 has completed.
Praise to the almighty.
I have analysed my relapse cycle in the recent past to find a solution. And at last I found it and executed from yesterday. Helped me to ignore my urges yesterday night. I hope this will work for coming days also. I also meditated and studied good yesterday. Didn’t waste much time on YouTube. (YouTube is biggest time waster). Am happy for yesterday. I don’t have anything in mind today.
I just woke up an hour ago. Prayed and meiditated and had a cup of tea now. Now it’s my study time. I have to study more hours than yesterday. Hope everything will goes for good.
The book am reading little by little now is “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind”. My goal is to read 1 book per month.
2 days out 3 completed.
Just 1 more days (actually 13 hrs more) to reach my first goal. Small small steps. But I will never stop. Improving every single day little by little.
Yesterday, I saw one triggering pic online. All the past memories of PMO came to my mind. But I immediately sensed the danger. Stayed calm.
My phone is the first point where I look for porn. It was 8 pm at night. I immediately took my phone and locked it’s settings till 2 am in morning. So I had no way to access my phone except only important apps like calls and texts.
I changed my mind to my studies then. After some time, read some pages from the book am currently reading and went back to sleep. And when I woke up in the morning, I was having a morning wood.
This is the way I tackled the urge yesterday. I will do better than this in coming days. I won’t stop. I will never give up on myself.
Yesterday was pretty good. I didn’t get a single urge. And I was mostly out of my home. So, I had actually no room to think about PMO. But I feared about the night when I comeback to sleep. But I was very tired at that time so I didn’t think much straight away went to sleep.
Yesterday, I was in a class where this girl has come in exposing dress. And she was sitting 3 rows infront of me. At first as I saw her, it was very uncomfortable. But as time gone, I found myself calm and just ignore it and her altogether.
Triggers and urges are everywhere. On your phone, computer, in your class, in your working place, on advertising boards. We can’t remove everything from out life. But we have to find and build our own ways to face and tackle it when they persuade us to go back to PMO. Am currently slowly starting to realise the same and building my ways to solve the problem.
My next goal is 7 days.
Am sure God Almighty will help reach that soon.
Congrats man .
I say this once again… Get out of the cycle man, this will become a ton easier for you. School is a big trigger, whether you hear or see stuff there will always be triggers. The thing is you have to learn how to avoid them. Always ignore stuff. Ignore looking at girls, ignore looking where you think will be a danger for your streak, ignore conversations which might trigger you. Ignoring is the best thing we can do for now, it’s what makes your streak clean hence your journey will become easier. Train your mind, on what’s a trigger and what can affect your streak. Then you will do automatically.
I apologise if you heard me say somethings I said before. I try to concentrate on what helped me with my journey.
Yesterday was hell of a day. Crazy urges came when I was about to sleep. I still can’t believe it that I survived the urges. It was crazy man. Ohmg. What on earth made me to stick to NoFap.
I am staying alone in the room. (I know it’s not good while doing NoFap. But I can’t do anything about it due to other unavoidable reasons) when I was about to sleep this crazy thought of past PMO came to mind. I was super crazy. Ohmg. What should I do. I took the app which I used to watch P. I DIDN’T OPEN IT. I JUST TOOK MY MOBILE. BUT THEN I PUT IT BACK. It was 12 o clock in the night. Nobody around me to talk to even. Everyone was sleeping. What should I do? I kept the mobile and went to the Veranda. There is big mirror there. I looked at myself in the mirror. Talked to myself. I don’t even remember what I said to myself. Then came back to room. But still urges didn’t go away. The thoughts keep attacking me from all corner. But again I thought logically. Do I really wants to go for this 5 minutes pleasure to kill my 4 days streak.? No man, I don’t want to do that. But what should I do in this odd night. Am not even feeling sleepy. I thought that sleep is really a blessings. If I could sleep at that time, I won’t be having any of this problem. But how.
Then I thought that I will go out and drink or eat something. Some people may be there and I can talk a bit with them to forget about this shit. But who will be there for me at this odd night. (AM NOT LIVING IN A BIG CITY. So, there won’t be much people even on the road at night) Any way I started my bike. But then I realised that I am not having money in my wallet. They don’t take cards here in these small shops. I went to ATM fast. Put my card in. And then my card has been blocked. What the hell? Why ? I tried multiple times. But cash just didn’t come out. (I still do not why they blocked my card, will contact my bank soon). I first thought it may be some problems with the machine. I drove fast to another ATM. All this was happening around 12:30 am. The second ATM also rejected me. I felt dejected. I looked at my wallet. There was just 40 rs in my wallet now. And I saw a juice shop in front of the second ATM. About to get closed. I got down from my bike.
But then stopped. Why should I drink juice now. I can save this 40 rupees now. (Am having a difficult time with my finance now) I will go back to my room and sleep.
Rushed back to my room. Went straight to bed. I knew my phone was on my reach. But still I closed my eyes. Put my hands over my forehead and started breathing.
I do not know when I went to sleep. I didn’t even put an alarm to wake me up. I thought I will wake up when ever I feel rested. Since I used to sleep early daily. But today it’s 1 am already.
But as a magic I woke up myself at 6 am in morning. Just 5 hours slept. Already feeling rested.
I still do not how I tackled with my urges last night. Oh God, You are great. I can’t thank you enough. Praise to the Almighty.
@gunsblazing am sad for you. But brother , each time we fall we learns. We learns what can go wrong and what we should do to cope up with that. Even if we do not know what to do, God will save us from the danger miraculously if we stick to our work sincerely.(like yesterday night for me). So come out of your depressed feeling now. (I know it’s not easy) Do what you believe make you happy. And come back stronger.
OMG man you are such a huge support to me bro. I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me through this hard time. I’ll apply your advice.
Again, thanks for being a true companion and a friend.
Congrats on beating the urge man, you really did your best to kill the Urge, And you did. That is a big step you’ve taken last night( in your time) it will give you more will power, and soon defeating the urge would be a peace of cake. Don’t let your gurard down like I did, and stay alert and keep yourself busy.
Note: I will limit my app usage I might not be as acitve.
And don’t completely depend on the physical factors like Blocking P, browsing safely, ignoring hot girls etc. That all are needed and main thing when we start the journey. But slowly try to build a mental barrier to P. That will be helping you long term. But again that will take some time. So till that time, use all your physical and technical might to stop fapping.
Again best wished for your journey brother. All the very best.
May God Shower All His Blessings Up on You.
And Peace be up on you.
la verdad n ose por que pasa eso, yo estoy en el dia 6 y era si de en el dia 4 para el 5 sol odormi 4 horas no podia con las ganas de masturbarme pero se supero entonces creo que los dias mas fuertes son cada 4 dias espsero todo fluya bien, lo que hago es decir a mi cerebro el pensar por que recai, por qeu te masturbaste, y se lo cree por unos 30 minutos pero sol oes para bajar los niveles de calentura, seamos fuertes