Diary Of a Regret Hater (17M)

Diary
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The beginning of my Improvement story turned to hell :chart_with_upwards_trend::chart_with_downwards_trend:
It was a fine Sunday in April of year 2020, I was wondering what to do as my schools were closed and online classes weren’t started, that day I saw an improvement videos and got motivated, guess what ?? I started doing improvement stuffs for a while and kept succeeding in it :innocent::innocent::fire::fire: , UNTIL that fateful day

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Like always while I was scrolling through my anime website, an anime image which is not supposed to be seen by a kid like me popped up, then I felt something I never felt before, the ton of dopamine rush from my brain, from that day on I’ll keep searching for that ad and until another very fateful day, :sweat::sweat::sweat: this time I was using another website where I was re-directed to a page where a ton of pics, vids of the kind of image I saw were there , unfortunately that was the very next day, of the day I learnt that there was something called p*rn and as I heard it from a bad friend , I felt no hesitation and just gave in :sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat: the remaining story must be obvious, I was destroyed in many aspects of my life and I started fighting back along with good people in this forum, as I type this now I’m in my 6th Day of my current streak and…

this time definitely I’m not going down, I’m going keeping walking until my enemies are destroyed :smiling_imp::smiling_imp::smiling_imp::smiling_imp:

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I wish you all the very best as well , for your on journey against the addiction :innocent::innocent:

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Keep up lad, you got this! Don’t regret cause you hate it. :facepunch::fire:

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‘Zettai ni’ I won’t coz the one regret I’m very frightened of, is the regret that pops up in the moment in which I realise that I couldn’t do anything to atone for the regrets that I already have :relieved::relieved: I know this is a bit(actually a lot) confusing :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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This is really frustrating to confess that I relapsed again :x::x: the sad thing is it was yesterday at 11:30 PM it kills me that I messed up at the last but I got some useful info from observation this current streak of mine will exceed a week I hope, no it will , let me make things a bit interesting, if I relapse again before my 14th Day I’ll atone it by not watching anime for a week(that’s actually a living hell for me :confounded::confounded::confounded:) and no matter how a particular day was I’ll post my daily progresses

Daily Goals:

  1. Meditation before morning study
  2. Complete focus during 4 hours of classes
  3. Exercise in the afternoon
  4. 12 hours ≤ Total focus hours
  5. Reading or listening to book
  6. Spend time with friends
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I did bad in a test that was conducted recently from then I was almost forbidden to touch my phone , I’ve been peeking this forum now and then :confounded::confounded: so I wasn’t able to post my progresses, which impacted as loneliness (this forum helps me relieve from lonely feeling) and I’ve been slacking off for a few days piling up work :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: now it’s time I got a test on. sep 1 :triumph::triumph::triumph::triumph::triumph::triumph: from today I’m gonna post my progress and work as hell, cause gotta cover up the portion fast becoz there’s a threat of school reopening and I’ll be in hostel if opened :weary::weary::weary::weary::weary: so I’ll do my best for facing the worst :fire::fire::fire::fire::fire:

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20th August

  1. Meditation :x:
  2. Complete focus during 4 hours of Online classes :x:
  3. Exercise in the afternoon :x:
  4. 12 hours more or less study time :x:
  5. Reading or listening to books
  6. Spending time with friends :heavy_check_mark:
    Really an awesome start huh… :no_mouth::no_mouth::no_mouth: Once I started prioritizing not fapping as the 1st I let procrastination take over me, that’s why all the other lists are cross checked :x::x: it would take time to get back to my previous state I’ll do my best :relieved::relieved::relieved::relieved::relieved: