Diary (A New Arc) 25M

Diary
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Title of your …

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What’s that supposed to mean?
Oh it’s a joke, sarcasm, got it. Good one.

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Samaranjay bhai trying to make this chat a voice call :slightly_smiling_face:

:joy:

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I always think whether it would be better if the RC forum has voice messages option like WhatsApp. Things would have been a lot easier :joy:

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10/8/22

  1. Studying: Only classes, no self study today
  2. :white_check_mark:Going to sleep before/around 11 last night
  3. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
  4. :white_check_mark:Visualisation
  5. :white_check_mark:Affirmations
  6. :white_check_mark:Workout: 1 hr football, 1 hr basketball
  7. :white_check_mark:Cold bath
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading easy way to mindfulness
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  11. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 5 min
  12. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
  13. :white_check_mark:Practising gratitude/gratitude journal
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11/8/22

  1. :white_check_mark:Studying
  2. Going to sleep before/around 11 last night
  3. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
  4. :white_check_mark:Visualisation
  5. :white_check_mark:Affirmations
  6. :white_check_mark:Workout: 1hr 15min push+pull workout with resistance bands
  7. :white_check_mark:Cold bath
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading easy way to mindfulness
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  11. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 10 min
  12. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
  13. :white_check_mark:Practising gratitude/gratitude journal
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12/8/22

  1. Studying: Only classes
  2. Going to sleep before/around 11 last night: Around 11:30
  3. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting before sleeping last night
  4. :white_check_mark:Visualisation
  5. :white_check_mark:Affirmations
  6. :white_check_mark:Workout: 1.5 hrs basketball + 30 min at room body weight+ resistance bands, I just planned to do some pushups with resistance bands and I ended up working out for half an hour :joy:.
  7. :white_check_mark:Cold bath
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading easy way to mindfulness
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  11. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 10 min
  12. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
  13. :white_check_mark:Practising gratitude/gratitude journal

I need to use mobile les frequently. I was feeling free today as I only have one class tomorrow then free till Tuesday. Spent a lot of time on mobile.

Focus is the key, when you are focussed, on your work, on your habits, on spirituality, you don’t need distractions then be it pmo or mobile or whatever. Keep your focus on building a life of focus.

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14th Aug 10:59 AM

So I need to confess a few things, I had not been focusing on counting days for a few days now. That kind of took my focus away from no fap but I realized it’s no good, I had been slipping into old ways. Like I used to do back when I was doing my grad course, pmoing, watching all kinds of stupidity, fetishes and what not and then not caring about it. Relapsed last night itself, but I did feel guilty this time, I was like what the hell, I am not this anymore.

Watched one video by Amogh Lila Prabhu on tackling Masturbation this morning, getting spiritual perspective on this is the best thing rather than following people like Hamza who run after women all the time, it’s ok to take some advices from him like to practice detox, meditation, gratefulness, stay focused and stuff but not just because you need to score with good women which he does exactly. You should have a bigger purpose. Now I had been listening to bhajans.

Accountability is very important here, I saw this in that video, very first step is to accept the things that you have been doing and tell someone about them, otherwise they keep stuck in your mind, and so I am here.

There was also this beautiful line that he said in this video. When you feel sexually attracted to someone you should say this out loud. “Na tu meri hai na main tera hoon tu bhi Krishna ki hai main bhi Krishna ka hoon” Listening to this genuinely made me happy :sweat_smile:.

I have one more video in which a monk talks about MO I am also gonna watch that one today itself.

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I have not been detoxing properly because I can’t put my phone on detox as may need it anytime.
I need to develop more specific boundaries regarding phone usage when I am on detox. Or rather throughout the day. Atleast until evening.

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ok‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

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Bro,how did you manage to m*** whilst in IIT
Here,one day,after getting over 25+ days,I just experimented myself what shall be the consequences if I jerk off.

I felt so low :sob: after the act,I wasn’t able to talk to prof,or even my fellow mates with confidence
One prime reason for me to relapse is due to guys bringing girls in Boy’s Hostel after 10 pm. Yes ,it is very much allowed here… it makes my mind to get distracted and think about them if they r having s** inside the room or what not

I should control my instinct impulses otherwise I will slip behind others.
No one is asking you to be displicine in university.

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Yeah I know dude :sweat_smile:, I don’t know why they allow so much openness in such prestigious Institutes.

:smiling_face_with_tear:
It doesn’t seem to be affecting me too much because I used to do the same when I was doing graduation, but it does have an effect on my overall happiness, mental health and energy levels.

Yeah no one does, no one even cares here what you are doing, you are on your own, you can either build yourself or break yourself, it’s totally upon you.
These Institutes provide good facilities but everything has its downsides too, if we don’t take care of ourselves we won’t survive.

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How was your independence day today at IIT Delhi?

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We had a really lovable day here,with special candle light dinner :green_salad::bowl_with_spoon:

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Did nothing except making assignment in my room :joy:.
There was a run in morning and some staff function in evening but I had no time for that.

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Day 1

  1. :white_check_mark:Studying
  2. Going to sleep before/around 11 last night
  3. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting
  4. :white_check_mark:Visualisation
  5. :white_check_mark:Affirmations
  6. :white_check_mark:Workout: 30 min legs+core, resistance bands+body weight
  7. :white_check_mark:Cold bath
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading easy way to mindfulness
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  11. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 10 min
  12. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
  13. :white_check_mark:Practising gratitude/gratitude journal

Last night I went to bed quite late, I had to fill one application form and it took a lot of time.
Today I had an assignment to make, studied related to that and completed it, it was independence day but spent most of the day in my room lol, we went on one walk across the campus in evening, special thing was that a lot of kites were flying in the sky.

I am still skeptical about counting days but not counting doesn’t do any good for me so why not :joy:.
Also I am skeptical about journaling about my day, I had been journaling offline about feelings and things I need to work on.
Like I noticed today that I have developed one bad habit, when I feel somewhat tired especially after lunch or dinner I lay down on my bed and start using mobile :sweat_smile: which leads to wastage of lot of time. My phone was on detox till 7 pm today so didn’t do that in day but did that after dinner, I need to avoid this, I should sit in my chair instead of bed.
Just sometime ago I had urges like I was about to mess up, but then I got up and suddenly remembered Amogh Lila Prabhu’s advice about chanting name of God out loud while having urges and praying to God, I did exactly the same and urges were dead :muscle::fire:. I wrote tasks for tomorrow, did gratitude journaling, oiled my hair (which I forget generally and I don’t like it but it’s necessary to maintain whatever’s left of my hair lol), then came here. I am already late to sleep, have a class at 8 am and it’s 12 am :joy:, I’ll sleep now.
Let’s see how I’ll journal, maybe some things about the day or somethings I need to work on, we’ll see but I’ll stick to posting a journal entry here daily. Offline journal is good for last two habits in above list rest I’ll post here.

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True, i tried this to skip my relapses, but the main thing is i forget about this when an intense urge hits me.

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I can understand this.
Maybe write this down somewhere or keep this as your home screen, that’ll help.
I tried this just few minutes ago.

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Day 2

Very busy day, didn’t get time to get my good habits done, I should have done atleast some but I am already late and tired now.
Had classes from 8 am to 1 pm, slept for 6.5 hrs last night, but I was feeling quite sleepy in first two classes, it was probably because last two days wete holidays and I woke up late both days, I should avoid sleeping till late even on Holidays. Walked a lot 15k steps (12 kms) today, more than 10k steps is normal here whenever we have classes. Played with college team guys in the evening, trials didn’t take place today but college team guys know me now already, trials will be day after tomorrow I most probably, I have a cramp on my left thigh, applied healing spray on it, will be resting tomorrow I mean from playing can’t avoid walking even if I want to :joy:. Talked to one friend and to my parents after dinner. Tomorrow I’ll be free for some time I think I’ll find time to do some of the habits atleast. Going to sleep now, 11:13 pm, better than yesterday.

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Day 3

  1. :white_check_mark:Studying: Classes and one lab in which we solved numericals
  2. Going to sleep before/around 11 last night: Around 11:30-45
  3. :white_check_mark:Gayatri Mantra chanting
  4. :white_check_mark:Visualisation
  5. :white_check_mark:Affirmations
  6. :white_check_mark:Workout: About 1.5 hrs Playing basketball + Walking (20k steps)
  7. :white_check_mark:Cold bath
  8. :white_check_mark:Reading easy way to mindfulness
  9. :white_check_mark:Reading Bhagawad Gita
  10. :white_check_mark:Prayer
  11. :white_check_mark:Meditation: 5 min
  12. :white_check_mark:Shutdown Ritual/planning for the next day
  13. :white_check_mark:Practising gratitude/gratitude journal

So we are finally allowed to eat in hostel mess now, and food there is great. Walked a lot today, played a lot I sunk winning three and score was close, it was 97-98 then we won 101-98, yesterday as well in closing game I sunk winning three, score was 18-19 and we won 21-19. Tomorrow are trials for college basketball team, at 7 pm evening, I’ll appear in them, let’s see what happens. I am also observing a fast tomorrow for Janmashtmi, actually the holiday is day after tomorrow but people in my area, my parents and all are observing a fast tomorrow so I’ll too, I am gonna have milk, tea, coffee, lassi, shake and fruits tho from time to time, I was getting a little skeptical about observing a fast tomorrow because basketball trials are there but then I realize I am not gonna be completely starving, I still have some options :joy:, and performance in games is better when you eat light so why the hell not.
I am a little late today, spent a lot of time chatting with friends, then my sister, had good long talks with parents, I could have saved some time but anyway it was a day well spent, it’s 12:30am, I can still take good amount of sleep as tomorrow classes start at 9:30. I should work on developing a more consistent schedule rather than going with the flow. We’ll see. Goodnight.

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