Dexver's Journey [21M]

I usually spend hours browsing to satisfy this addiction which could have been used for more productive activities. I am currently reviewing for a licensure exam and ‘No Fap’ is a tool to reach my ultimate goal.

Relapsed countless times but it’s not all back to square one. Failure was just part of the process. And this time, it will be with the help of this community.

I have watched and read tips, benefits and journey of others. My turn to share my own.

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Entry #1

Been doing this for quite some time but never passed a week. 1 day, 11 hrs since relapse. Beginning for me is always the hardest (no pun intended lol). Had a strong urge earlier but thankfully, cold shower took it off. Staying at home all day is a dead end. I will go out and study at the coffee shop. Hey, dreams don’t work unless you do!

“The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret”. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Entry #2 - (1 day 22 hrs)

My head starts to clear. Recurring brain fog and strong urges but my willpower is stronger!

I just keep telling myself that the temporary pleasure is not worth the regret I will feel after and the reward for overcoming is worth the discipline it takes.

But to achieve my goal, I need all the focus I can get. I can’t afford to waste my time and energy on PMO. Keep moving, goals over urges!

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Entry #3 (2 days 18 hrs)

No fap makes me redirect my sexual energy to more productive tasks. My mind also gets clearer thanks to meditation. I genuinely felt good today. Simply talking to people usually makes me uncomfortable but not today, because I noticed that I was even the one initiating a convo. I felt great. I felt free.

That was until the strong urge came. Suddenly all my focus seemed to vanish and like all that matter was to release it. I almost lost control. Technique I learned is to make myself uncomfortable to keep myself busy. I took a shower and meditated after. Thinking of all the goals I want to achieve.

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ENTRY #4 - 3 DAYS 10 HOURS

Woke up with low motivation. I can’t think of anything but the urge building. At this point, getting out of my room is the only thing that keeps my right hand from doing what it wants.

Thoughts:

  • I was doing no fap to lessen my distraction so I can focus on studying for the licensure exam but now it’s like I’m even more distracted. Is it still worth it?
  • I can still achieve my goals without sacrificing pleasure
  • Relapsing will have its own learnings that will be useful on next attempt

I am not quitting. I am only acknowledging this thoughts. Writing them gets them out of my head and somehow my brain also gives reasonable defenses why I should continue. As I’m writing this I am feeling better. Knowing that it will be worth it.

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Yes @Dexver2 !!! Trust me it will be worth it. And writing down your thoughts process will ease your mind and also might inspire others. Keep posting here about your journey , we are here for your help brother. You can do this :fire:

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Thanks man! If it wasn’t for this community I would’ve already relapsed. And yess it’s worth it! Overcoming it felt like a little victory that made me stronger :muscle:

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ENTRY #5 ( 4 DAYS 14 HRS )

There’s a noticeable improvement on my focus. I’m starting to learn how to apply mindfulness on through my day particularly during study session. Felt a little urge during afternoon slump but still good. Binge watching self improvement videos made me even more excited on this journey. Idk what’s ahead but I know that I’m on the right track.

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DAY 5 - Social Skills Improving

I feel cleansed. Like my virginity’s coming back lol. Kidding aside, I feel like I actually want to interact with people. Maybe because I’m starting to become more confident. I used to feel guilt after fapping that made me just want to isolate myself.
I also haven’t felt any strong urge. Well, not as strong as I’ve experienced on day 3. Triggering emotions are still there and it’s normal to feel them. We’re not robots. I learned not to be too hard on myself. To accept my mistakes and learn from them. I also realized that by taking away my addiction, life will start to fix itself. Just have to hold on, things will get better!

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DAY 6 - Leaving my past behind

Had an emotional breakdown last night. Had to face these past issues and worries about the future. Writing them on my journal helped a lot. It feels good that I finally faced them. It all starts with acceptance. I feel so much lighter. It’s hard to move forward carrying all those regrets and disappointments.

It’s a new chapter. I must focus on what matters and be more intentional on my actions and decisions.

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Exactly man! We all got crap that we carry from our past, but letting that go is a huge step to becoming free.

I’m glad to hear you are using journaling to process everything though, that is a great technique that will help you more and more as you go. You will be able to more clearly understand yourself and your needs. Journaling has done a phenomenal job in my own fight against this.

I enjoy reading your posts bro, keep up the great work :muscle:

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Thanks! Yep journaling really works whether I’m going thru ups or downs. Also saved from relapsing. 'Twas a close call. Journaling and support from this community, that is.

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DAY 7 - Keep going

It was a very productive day. I am taking back my life PMO once took away. My priorities are now clear and I know what I want to do. As I’m writing this, I feel the urge starting to rise again after 3 days of not having to deal with it. It’s as strong as I’ve felt during the beginning of my journey. But still, I’m doing my best to maintain calmness. It’s just a phase I have to go through.

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DAY 8 - Lazy day and chaotic brain

My motivation disappeared overnight. Too lazy to study or do my tasks. It’s like my willpower’s all used on suppressing this urge. It keeps coming back and gets stronger. Idk what triggered it, maybe I wasn’t aware.

Thoughts in my head:

  • Just give in and get it all out instead of wasting my energy fighting it.
  • The habits I’m building won’t be affected anyway.
  • I can’t continue on my tasks with all of this discomfort.
  • Relapse is not back to square one. I made to day 8. That’s enough. I will do better next time.

Writing is my way of freeing up my brain from these cluttered thoughts. This way I can deal with them and see the fallacies of their arguments. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

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DAY 10

Had a short vacation my friends. It was also a great help because it took my mind off of urges. Finally had time to relax but now I got tons of stuff to catch up. Still, no regrets.

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That’s great…

Writing down our thoughts really helps in our journey to become better person.

Am also learning to write down…

Keep going…

Stay strong…

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Day 0 - Back to prison

I’ve reached the point of burnout. My thoughts were all over the place that I can’t even point out what the problem really is. I was overwhelmed by my thoughts. I knew it was just a matter of time until I relapse as well. It was a quick moment that I didn’t have to think of anything. I wasn’t even horny. After doing it, all I thought was “broke my streak, it doesn’t even feel that good”. Basically it was just a way to run instead of facing the problems head on. I hope that somehow I will find a way to deal with these without having to go back.

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I’m sorry to hear you relapsed bro, but don’t get down on yourself. I have had plenty of times like those, where my thoughts were all over the place. Those are huge relapse moments for me.

I know I emphasize this a lot, but truly, when you find yourself in those situations, come onto this app and just start writing. Don’t worry about how it sounds, spelling, or anything. Just write what’s in your head. Clear it all out. What’s bothering you? Put it all down on this thread. Write until it all makes sense, write even when it sounds stupid, write even if you don’t think it’ll help. I swear when you get done, you will have cleared your head and you will understand what is bothering you. And in turn, your urges will disappear. Because your urges feed on that confusion and unresolved issues.

I would even suggest to do that now, even after you relapsed. Get inside your head and prevent any binges.

Don’t worry about what others will say, we are all here for the same reasons, and we have all been there. We might even be able to notice something that you didn’t.

Stay strong brother, get back up. This is just a step in your learning.

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