🌊 Derek's Journey [18M]

Day 2: Released this morning to a fantasy about my girlfriend. I don’t think that’s so bad, only issue is the chaser effect is sticking right now. I had a great time with my friends yesterday, did lots of swimming and running. Today is too hot for any of that, but I’ll still lift weights in my garage.
I see everyone applying spirituality to their journey, and I believe I should be placing more emphasis on it. I’ve explained previously that I follow Theravada Buddhism, so I’m going to start meditating more and putting the Eightfold Path into practice.

Day 0 i want to join with you bro :heart:

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Tried to make a reply but messed it up, I’m still new here :laughing:
Happy to have someone join me on this journey :slight_smile:

Day 3: Happily watched the timer turn to Day 3! I’ve been edging but not to p, Bulldog Blocker is the best. Watched a video about life and living, about how we don’t have control over our LIFE, but simply how we live in the moment. Instead of waiting for changes or living the same way everyday, change yourself today, be the person you want to be… NOW!

DAY 4: Feeling good! Fighting my post-work compulsions, the heat wave is helping me too, so I’m distracted by the heat (the AC in my house stopped working.)
Watched a Hamza video this morning called “Nerds Are Now Alpha Males” and it’s super intense, he talks about the evils of modern (videogames, social media, p) addictions. I’m re-watching it right now to fight urges.

Day 5: Had a great day! Ran a 9:38 1½-mile, had a good shift at work, and then went to a party with my friends. We had a lot of fun talking and swimming at a nearby lake, afterwards me and my girlfriend (don’t want to trigger anyone) hung out and I released naturally. Felt great, and I’m still feeling good. What a day!

Day 6: Zero urges whatsoever. I’ve been watching lots of YouTube and studying philosophy of Carl Jung and Nietzsche, and it’s fascinating. One of the things Jung speaks of is “individuation”, or study of everything about one’s self, including the subconscious “shadow”, which contains all of our fears, desires, traumas, and addictions. Thinking of my PMO addiction in this fashion opens my eyes to the need to study what is causing it, and how to resolve it.

Day 7: I’m officially a Commoner! I feel great. I released this morning to a pic of my girlfriend (some might notice a theme here), but I have not watched p for a whole week. That is my number one focus, eliminating p and then masturbation. Woke up late since I had to pick up my mother from the airport, hoping to still have a high-quality day.

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Dude I feel you. I struggle to not relapse thinking about my gf. I think it’s an issue because of my beliefs. I’m told not to lust in the Bible, I don’t think it matters who it is. I want to keep my relationship pure with her so I’m miserable after relapses. Also are you a trumpet player? Like is that you in your profile picture? I play trumpet and mellophone. If so that’s awsome! We’d be pretty similar then. I’ve been quiet on the forum for a while but I’d like to join you on your journey.

I get that, I was raised in a Catholic household so I understand that feeling of not wanting to lust. I do play trumpet! In the photo I’m playing my cornet (which I prefer for the sound), I’m been self-teaching for about a year now. By all means, you can join me! :grin:

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Day 8: Feeling great! Going to do an escape room tonight for the first time, I’m excited! Going to start hard mode soon, likely on day 10. I’ve been doing more physical movement, deep reading and talking to people more often.

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How was today? Anything good come from it?

Today was good! That escape room was super fun, we got dinner and talked for a while after. This was the last time we’ll see each other, before we all leave for college and stuff, so it was a great last hangout.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to do my usual night routine, but it was worth it.

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That’s sad that it’s your last get together before college. I dread that day… I’m glad you had fun though! I just finished up my last day of bandcamp so I’ll finally get to cool down for a bit. Literally, I’m going to a waterpark with my girlfriend tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have fun. Both good days I think :slight_smile:

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Day 9: Hard mode begins! Felt zero urges, Bulldog Blocker’s got my back (blocked YouTube, Chrome, etc.) Did lots of landscaping work this morning, finally came back home and just finished my lunch. Going to workout and go grocery shopping with my mom, hoping the rest of the day goes well.

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Day 1: I’ve relapsed. It wasn’t to p, which I will ackowledge as an improvement, but I still felt guilty and strange afterwards. These last 9 days felt like nothing special, same old same old. I’m continuing my journey, this time progressing honestly (no edging, no peeking, nothing). I want a clean streak, where I truly put in effort and strive to refrain from PMO and improve my life by using the time and energy elsewhere. Hard mode day 1 begins (again).

Worked hard today, enjoyed myself and I’m exhausted. For the rest of the evening, I’ll be practicing cornet, reading, and relaxing with family.

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Day 2:
-Edged for a half-hour to some images off Google (NSFW but not p) began questioning myself on my journey. Reinforced my blockers and stopped immediately.
-Sexual fantasies are swirling in my head, but I’m dedicated to NOT edge and NEVER peek. This round feels different than all others before it.
-Distracting myself by working out, hoping I can keep myself edge-free tonight.

A RELAPSE. Edging is a fool’s game, but I will continue striving for a pure streak. Undeterred by this setback.

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Looks like good progress man. Slow and steady but real advancement. Hey I was just thinking of how you can ease off edging as it is always dangerous…as soon as you start, it’s releasing the chemicals that reinforce the idea that you need it to feel good and indeed need to release after having started to “grease the slide”.
Tying up our hands won’t work haha, so it’s often helpful to alter our mind and understanding about what’s actually happening, then it can translate in to a change in behavior as we shift our internal and visceral belief systems (not religious, just meaning what you believe about your life)
You’ve studied Buddhism… I’m curious if you’ve read about the chakras. I ask because it sounds like your root and sacral energy is highly charged and you keep overstimulating it with edging etc. Understanding and honoring your body and spirit power houses may help you interact with your body differently.
Goal: upgrade perception, release energetic tension instead of physical, breeeeathe intentionally and regularly through your whole body to balance yourself, balance energy, receive cosmic direction for life after obtaining higher levels of freedom. Kind of like the focus to run your 1.5 miles, which by the way is an impressive timing :man_running::call_me_hand:t3:

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Fascinating! I have studied chakras, but not extensively. I will continue to learn about them, and attempt to steadily change my systems. My goal is not refrain or constrain my energies, but redirect them. Like a flowing river. :ocean:

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Day 1: Very proud of this day. No peeking, no edging, no urges. Ran a 10:23 1.5-mile, need to do more conditioning throughout the week (right now I only run on weekends). Work went great, came home and immediately napped to counter my post-shift urges. Did lots of chores and cleaning, worked out and ate dinner with the family. Practiced cornet, talked with the family, had a good time.

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