Derek's Diary [18M]

Day 32:
-Didn’t feel good today, congestion and a cough.
-Work wasn’t that good today.
-Starting to feel homesick.
-We went back to camp (staying at a campground near the site) and ate dinner, talked with others and went to bed early.

Day 33:
-Today I felt better, work was better.
-Got to FaceTime my gf for the first time in weeks, I was so happy to see her face, hear her voice. We talked about college and all the trail stuff I’ve been doing.
-Relaxed by the fire with friends, went to bed around 10:30.

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Day 36:
-Feeling urges to watch p but I feel a lot better not doing it.
-Masturbation is a waste of time and energy, I will continue to strive to refrain.
-As in my usual streaks, my goal is above all, to not watch porn. I have released about every 3 days, but now I’m motivated to go hard mode.

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Day 0:
-I found some porn through a mistake in the blocker, today I did the full PMO and I’ve fallen from my highest streak.

-I’m disappointed, but I knew it wouldn’t last. I need to have a true meaning in order to achieve anything through NoFap.

-I will not have any intimate touch until I see my girlfriend again during Thanksgiving break, which drove me a little crazy.

-I will try and try again, to do NO PMO whatsoever. No jerking off to impermanant thoughts and useless fantasies, no more wasting my life gooning to girls displaying their bodies for money and attention.

-I shall follow the Noble Eightfold Path, strive to live in the light, and make use of every day’s time.

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So sad to hear that you had a relapse, friend. I got some information, this may help you

How Can I Conquer the Habit of Masturbation?
It is easy to become downhearted after a relapse. When that occurs, take to heart the words of Proverbs 24:16: “The righteous one may fall even seven times, and he will certainly get up; but the wicked ones will be made to stumble by calamity.” A temporary setback does not make you a wicked person. So do not give up. Instead, analyze what led to the relapse, and try to avoid repeating the same pattern.
https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=1102011151&srctype=wol&srcid=share&par=13

Strength friend. It’s not the end, keep going, we’re with you.

Thank you for this article, I enjoyed it! I will begin the practice of reading dhamma before bed. I will also continue to resist the life-impeding effects and consequences of PMO.

Day 17 here :raised_hand:t3: Can totally relate to you !
Keep going :fire:

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Day 1:
-It’s sad to think of the streak I’ve left behind.
-I feel really good, having urges but I refuse to indulge in the slightest.
-I want the clean streak, the clean lifestyle. I want to overcome the urges, instead of edging or justifying my releases.
-I want to OVERCOME!

Day 0:
-Today my gf sent some triggering pics AND my music app kept recommending a bunch of triggering music videos too.
-I’m being hard on myself because I’m determined to resist PMO.
-Feeling bummed out, chaser effect is awful.

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All good bro I feel you, other than my gf sending me triggering pics. We’re both Christian so we’re choosing to stay sexually pure. I’m still very attracted to her though so it’s hard some days. Chaser effect is a dirty trick. You gotta push through man. I wanna see your post tomorrow saying you had a better day. I’ll do it with you. We’ve gotta strive for the best version of ourselves man. Good luck brother hope things start looking up.

Thanks for all the well wishes, we’re all on this journey together.:muscle:t2:

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So what’s your story man? How’d you decide to start the journey of sexual purity?

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I started my PMO addiction when I was around 12 years old and I found p, and used it to calm myself and make myself happier when I was sad. It always just made me feel worse, but the cycle has never ended since then. These last few months have been concentrated efforts of research, being active on this app, detecting triggers and fighting urges and trying to quit all of this. My biggest inspirations have been Stoic and Buddhist teachings (despite my upbringing, I practice Buddhism nowadays.) My end goal is to quit porn and masturbation and have a healthy, honest relationship with my gf. And of course, additionally to use my sexual energies for productive causes like studying, spiritual development, or exercise.

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Sounds dope man! I’ve never looked into Buddhism so I wouldn’t know anything about that, but your goal seems good!

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Sometimes I feel like I can only post once a day, until I remember it’s MY diary :laughing:

Day 1 of :infinity::

-Had a good workday! Did lots of weed-whacking, it was satisfying to see everything all cleaned up when we were done.

-Got back to the house and I cooked myself a nice meal, reminded me of my mom’s dinners.

-Tonight me and some friends are going to a martial arts studio for an MMA class! The first one is free, so we’re all taking advantage of it. I’m excited!

Day 2 of :infinity::

-We woke up super early and were in a hot, swampy trail all day. Mosquitos were relentless, I’ve got at least 80 bites.

-We ended around 4:00 and I ate some dinner, then me and my friend went to a class at the gym again, this one was BJJ and it was a blast! I got super sweaty.

-Came home, ate some more, showered, and texted my gf for a bit. I know I keep saying it, but I do miss her a lot.

Day 4 of :infinity:: 2 releases, zero porn

-My gf sent an especially triggering pic which caused me to release twice, but I’ll persevere!

-My mind is occupied by thoughts of MMA and home, porn is off my mind.

Day 0 of :infinity::

-I’m going to follow the very first piece of advice I got, quit porn first and then slowly move away from PMO.

-I know I’m always going back and forth, but I’m determined to end this.

-Went to a Buddhist temple today and had an amazing experience chanting and meditating.