Day 0
I feel quite awful after relapsed to a hot chick in an autoshow. It worsens after arguing with my mother and father since I am triggered due to several crazy drivers, ending up in a very awful state of both sides. Feeling lonely and empty afterwards. Hating every single thing in the world. Idk why I am born here. Wanna jump off the top of the building.
But recently found a motivational video and that gave me an ounce of courage to give all I have : blood, strength, energy, persistence until I die.
(sorry it got a bit longer than i expected 
)
Typically, parents grew up in a different period, where other values were important and other problems prominent than today. It is hard for people who didn’t grew up with the abundance of today’s life, the internet and so on to understand the struggle we have. (I’m sure it was the same for them when they grew up. Maybe with the difference that their struggle wasn’t that different than the one of their parents since world is changing much faster nowadays)
Also, they are in an age were it is really hard to change a mindset they had for the past decades. I learned from my experiences and the one from my girlfriend, that it can be really hard if the family doesn’t stay behind but also if they have a similar problem as you have.
I had to learn that it doesn’t make sense to argue with them about certain topics because they don’t have the possibility to understand it and we just have to accept that.
I can’t give you THE reason of life, but I can tell you what helps me. (I guess from your name that you are 18?) When I was around 20 I had the problem that I didn’t know what makes me special, and thus what sense it makes for me to be here.
(btw I’m not religious at all). if you look at humanity, you can see a trend. We evolve into a certain direction. I don’t know why but I feel like something is waiting on humanity. We have to evolve into a certain direction to get the power to do the thing we are here for. And it is our duty to see that we evolve into the right direction. Look outside. At the moment negativity is spread. We are in a rush, spend all time on the phone, we are not able to focus on the beauty of nature, we are not able anymore to listen to our body since we are only watching for external stimuli.
I feel like we here in the forum have the chance to see what the downside of technology is. And we can spread that. We can be a counterpart to the current movement and balance it out. So, my goal in life is to spread self awareness and happiness. You think you can’t influence anything?
Think about this:
Have you ever smiled at a person, like the bus driver, the cashier in the supermarket and so on? How do they react? they typically smile back. If they smile, they will feel better for a certain time. That is the power of our brain, we feel how we act (btw that is a great tip if you feel down. Just force yourself to smile and you will see that with time, you will feel better). If she feels better she will smile more often and thus have a better influence on every customer.
Other situation. Ever took out the phone when you are in a restaurant with friends? As soon as you take out the phone, everyone on the table has an urge to do the same, so that they don’t feel weird. Our actions have a huge influence on our surrounding. And my goal is to have a positive influence on the world and not a negative one
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I am indeed 18, and yes maybe it makes more sense to start initiate positivity and smile instead of waiting for mom, dad, or a perfect girlfriend to smile for me. However, my social anxiety and hatred towards people’s messed up traits prevents me from smiling and being happy.
But I automatically smile when I thank a waiter/waitress or even a cashier because that’s just how it works.