Darshan2017's new chapter [21M]

22nd may 23
Day entierly wasted on youtube
Around 6 hrs

Exercised :white_check_mark: not the app one but other
Meditate :white_check_mark:

Had zero urges

Tasks for tom

  1. Pgbp
  2. Capital gain
  3. AS intro
  4. AS 1
  5. AS 2

small tasks and achievable easily

Today its day 3
almost by this time i relapse many times
but not today
urges are super high today
its becoming more and more difficult
im getting dirty thoughts continuously
but trying to not think so much about this
my head hurts and it feels heavy
but nt gonna give up
not today

things were going out of hand and i was feeling heaviness and headache
i didnt know what to do
so i just slept for an hour or something
the urges seem to have gone now
and i have started studying again

considering the events in life
i came upon a conclusion that i have very low attention span
the reason being anything work related or important stuff i try going through them so fast that i miss many things because i wanna know whats the content in therebut donot have patience to read it slowly
also i have bookmarked on this forum few things which i havent read or watched for a long time beccause i find it too boring and time consuming whereas i can go on and on with youtube

also at once when i sit to study i get distracted every 10 mins and used to end up using phone
but when i didnt have phone i use to take many walks almostt every half an hour as it felt like i need break
this whole concept of break is rubbish
like yeah every once i a while we should take but not every few mins or half an hour
3 years back i could study 2 to hours without the need for break other than nature call

also whenever i used to go on youtube the first thing i did was check others comments to know their opinion
even though i knew it was not worth it
it was s habitual that even without thinking i used to do it

in last 3 years i have watched 100+ hours of content but most of the time while fast forwarding throughout the video so this has also added to low attention span

if i use youtube app
without even me thinking i would go on youtube and would start searching content like roast, tiktok, new games, old game channels and so on

even on youtube when i watch any show or any viddeo it is always forwarding it

i need to and will improve my attention span no matter what…

I relapsed yesterday night on 3rd day
I got convinced that i cant quit cold turkey so ill limit 1 time mastr* per day
It was so convincing yesterday that i did
Now i dont want to do it anymore
This is so damn confusing


26th may
Relapsing from two days
Did workout for 3 days this week
And the week is not over yet
Will workout tom too
Woke up today at 5
Was difficult but i did it …:blush:

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Next few days or may be a week or two
The schedule is going to be messed up
It is gonna be out of my control
So a break in exercise too

Next 3 to 4 days busy in attending program
Thats all

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Analysing my mental state
After quitting gaming
Ut has been better
And i mean 100 times better
Previously i used think about building the base
Strategies ranking and stuff
Which was tooo much
This i didnt realise when i used to play
Now when i think about it
I feel lesser load on my brain
Not to stress out on these games


Today reached back home
Finally will be able to sleep peacefully
Didnt have proper sleep in last 1 week
I feel tom morning ill be asleep till 8 :sweat_smile:
I have been free from all sorts for last few days
Dont remember when i started
Since there was so much work to do
It just happened to be that i didnt give a shit about my addictions
I got more involved in spirituality and during this process i started hating myself for being lustful
Though this was for that moment and ik that what im doing is wrong
But i did feel the power of being involved in spirituality
So hopefully ill grow spiritually, physically and mentally
Thats all
Back to disciplone from now on
Have to study for 3 hrs or something then sleep

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i relapsed yesterday many times
im sorry
i just gave in because i was alone at home
even today im alone at home
but wont give in at any cost

i started working out from yesterday
today after the workout i feel lot better overall physically

i was lazy yesterday but some how managed to push myself to clean the house
get the cycle repaired
then didnt feel like drinking plain milk so tried making mango shake
i would say it was okay since it wasnt sweet as i didnt put sugar in it

yesterday i didnt study much because i procrastinated
but i have set goals for today


  1. Audit :x:
  • SA 500
  • SA 501
  • SA 505
  • SA 580
  • SA 510
  • SA 560
  • SA 230
  1. Direct Tax – PGBP full :x:

Today as i opened youtube i no longer felt the urge to see gaming videos
i felt whats the use
i never thought i would say this to myself
i m happy regarding the same…

thats all for now
Today i proceastinated to a very large extent
Will try to improve tomorrow

Daily tasks

  1. Easypeasy 1 chapter :x:
  2. workout :white_check_mark:
  3. meditate :x:
  4. cold shower :white_check_mark:
  5. wake up max by 6 :x:
  6. digital media less than 3 hours :x:
  7. no anime or series :x:
  8. go to temple :x:
  9. No phone after 8 :x:

ikik i make promises and dont fulfil them if i fail even one day
but i have changed in my approach last few days
hopefully ill stick to the routine


Being lonely
I let the urges stay for long
And relapsed

Target for tom

1. Audit

  • SA 500
  • SA 505
  • SA 580
  • SA 230

2. DT - PGBP Chapter

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Things are getting better
Working out for around 30 mins makes my body feel better
Meditation seems difficult to do but ill keep doing it and slowly it will get better
My phone is mot working properly
But as a good sign i have to mandatorily keep my phone switched off at night if i have to use my phone for few more years

Yesterday night i wanted to mas**
Not by watching p***
It was just habitual
But i just gave myself two optioms to choose from and after choosing
I just went and slept off

Waking up in the morning feels tiresome
And i wake up late these days
I plan on waking up by 5.30 to 6 having enough sleep
Rest all good
Will reduce procrastination from now on
Working on achieving my targets

Thats all


Another CA student, Let’s go!
Nov 23??

not nov
i already gave this attempt
one of the papers didnt go well
so just revising for now

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Its 6 th june today
i relapsed today again
it feels as if
there is no resistance or willpower left anymore
i just wait to be left alone and boom i slip over the banana peal
my mobile addiction is the same regardless of me quitting gaming and series
my procrastination these days are getting worse
i dont feel like doing anything
you wont believe but there few posts here that might help me but im just pushing them away and not wanting to check them
i donot feel like doing anything productive
recently i have been thinking of lots of things to earn quick money
like a self help youtube channel - but i stop it the next moment because

  1. im not telling anything which others arent
  2. im myself not following those so how can i reach them

the thought of youtube is so fascinating is because of seeing people earn so much through youtube while i do know it is overly saturated market

then i think of writing a series of which i have good plot on but i feel lazy and it will take more than a year to finish it which makes me procrastinate a lot

there are few videos that i have to watch but its just than i have been procrastinating a lot
things are going down for me and the motivational videos donot work for me any more

upon that i tend to come on this site more often to seek validation
in the form of likes and doing better than others in challenges like the reliv challenge and it makes me feel good seeing myself do better than others
u know what i mean
though my intention isnt this
but it always ends up me seeking validation here


Don’t worry forget everything and let’s get a challenge for 1 hour between us?

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i appreciate this
thank you
i can easily go for a day
the issue is
i just give up without any resistance

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Don’t worry just go for an hour who said to go for a day go for an hour if you feel like then fap


done ready for an hour …


Let’s begin time starts now

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