Darshan2017's new chapter [22M]

This may sound funny but my balls are hurting a lot
I feel they are super full
The reason being i usually dont last more than 3 days
And today its 8th day
I cant walk properly
Any suggestion?

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Its natural bro right now you are in recovering mode once your boady and mind is ready to accept that you were performing celibacy then the semen which is stored in your testicles is going upwards in your boady and by continuing this activity when the semen reach to your face you were start getting a divine shine in your face and yes semem is a food for our brain so it nourished our brain cell also so keep doing it

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Thanks a lot
Ill stay strong
For now i m planning to get dopamine by watching tv or playing games for a day or two then ill get back on track of giving them up

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Yes try to find your dopamine instincts in any activity other then those activitiy which starts your triggers try to make your mind busy anyhow
And don’t forget we are sigmas we can beat our urges our urges is nothing in front of our determination

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Yepppp :love_you_gesture::love_you_gesture:
Urges were super high plus i was all alone at home

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But not gonna lose :sunglasses::fire:
Ill start making memes now😅

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Just stay safe @DARSHAN2017. You can soon have a Nightfall. Be aware!

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Isnt night fall natural way of body to remove dead semen ??

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Yeah. Its natural. Btw I have no idea of dead semen.
The problem lies after nightfall. You will feel refreshed. But after that you can have huge urges and chaser effect. So beware.
I have relapsed many a times after Nightfall unable to cope up with urges.

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Ill be careful pakka
Thanks a lot

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03rd January 2023

Tasks

  1. Wake up before 6.30 :white_check_mark:
  2. Make up my bed :white_check_mark:
  3. Workout :white_check_mark:
  4. Meditation :white_check_mark:
  5. Cold shower :white_check_mark:
  6. Go to temple :white_check_mark:
  7. Read easy peasy book :x:
  8. Evening meditation :x:
  9. No youtube :white_check_mark:
  10. No games :white_check_mark:
  11. Study minimum 7 hrs :x: (half an hour)
  12. No tv before 7 hrs of study :x:

Today i was all alone at home so i was super afraid that urges might overtake me
Then around afternoon my falls were hurting a lot and i couldnt bear it so i slept off in afternoon
The pain is still there but reduced now hopefully things will getter by tom

I wanted complete more tasks but tv i couldnt because
My brain was like : u need dopamine
And the apin was too much to bear so i watched for a while

The my brain again : play game in moderation
And i downloaded one game of 600 mb and was about to play but then i came out of the game and deleted it without playing

So yeah day was okay
Not so productive
My next goal is to make my day as productive as possible

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04th january 2023
I relapsed today

Before that
Today’s tasks

  1. Wake up before 6.00 am :x: ( 8am)
  2. Make up my bed :white_check_mark:
  3. Workout :x:
  4. Meditation :x:
  5. Cold shower :white_check_mark:
  6. Go to temple :x:
  7. Easy peasy book :x:
  8. Evening meditation :x:
  9. No youtube :x:
  10. No games :white_check_mark:
  11. Study minimum 7 hrs :x: 0 hrs
    12 no tv before 7 hrs of study :x:

Before i tell why i relapsed
I feel i relapsed two days back itself
Because my mind started lusting more
On the first day i said no
But the next day it increased and i became confident that i wont relapse because i have control over myself .

Ppst relapse it was painful because i was expecting this was my time
This was the time when ill succeed for sure
But anyways

@24hours24 i wanted to share one thing
I used to be a harcore addict and fapper
So today was my 9th day and the highest in last 6 months + perioud
But when i started watching and fapped
After a while i had severe pain in behind my head at lower parts right and left
I didnt knw why
And because of which i slept for 2 hours and then it was better but i still had an headache

Now coming to my tasks
I feel i tried to be tooo rigid on myself with respect to no gaming or no tv etc
And at the same time i didnt sleep on time (though the environment at home is the reason for not having proper sleeping time)
Not reading easy peasy book was becausse i just couldnt make myself do it so from tom ill start with just 2 pages minimum

And studies
I m again making the sam mistake that i ised to make like setting high target for a procastinator like me makes impossible to even try for it
So for now studies just 2 hrs minimum and slowly ill climb my way ahead

Any suggestion regarding controlling lustful thoughts would be helpful
Thank you for being there for me
And sorry for disappointing you all

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Yes I get it. This trying to do it by yourself and all this constraint is no way to live. My experience is that when I am trying all these strategies (Gym, showers, busy, no this no that) to stop fapping that it is increadibly hard and I have never had long term abstinance from that (maybe 180 days but never 1000+ days). It is not easy and it tears me appart.

In recovery where I surrender my life and addiction and learn to live by a spiritual basis, it become super easy. The temptation are just gone. It is like walking in the park, listening to the birds, while the sun is out. Great, easy, nothing else. So for me it has been one or the other. There does not seam to be a middle of the road. Super hard or super easy. The 12 steps makes this possible. I will try to write about the solution today so I can post it tomorrow. I have a busy week this week. I am taking my kids on a mini vacation tomorrow. I cant over commit, but I will get it done and write more about the solution.

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Hello
I have not posted for a few days
And during these days i was in a bad mood and form
Finally i managed to get myself back yesterday
But today i had my ca inter results amd i failed
Nothing much to tell
Ill just keep working
Bye

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I was also doing cs i had exams in june prepare well for the next attempt bruh

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Just sitting now and deciding where have i gone wrong in nofap journey

  1. I started lusting and sexting which i could have said no to but i was convinced that its okay but now i realise i used it as a substitute for po*n
  2. Once lusting and sexting increased, i became more confident that i have full control on myself and peeking wont make me relapse and so i started peeking
  3. That peeking soon led me develop curiosity for something new + shocking
    Shocking because normal things wouldnt give me that level of dopamine that i was addicted and used to getting
  4. Though initially i started with full on motivation and trying to avoid all digital source of entertainment but i feel this is where i went wrong
    My decision to quit gaming, youtube or just mindlessly watching tv wasnt wrong
    But i do realise that i need some sort of entertainment to give healthy amount of dopamine
    But for this i didnt want to play games or watch shows or anything involving digital
    So now i need to have something which i would love to do plus it satisfied my craving for dopamine
    So presently i think of continuing the animation series that i started writing with the hope making it actual anime in future plus making proper scripts for youtube channel so that the younger generations donot waste their precious time like i wasted
    Apart from this im also planning to go cycling every evening when i can or just go to terrace amd sit without phone

These were the conclusions that i could come up with
Please do help me lile how can i inprove myself
Also while searching to get out of mobile phone addictoon i once read somewhere that the social media companies put lots of efforts for even deciding the color of logo of apps because that helps in making more people to click on those apps
And also saw an youtube video of fittuber where he suggests tp put phone on greyscale to avoid the urge to use phone
So yes i have already put it on grey scale
Though it hurts eyes a bit
But i wpuld like to try it

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11/01/2023
Today was a decent day
I woke up at around 6.30 and went cycling for 20 minutes
Couldn’t go to temple today because it was too late till I took bath
and I’m taking hot water bath because the water is too cold
while doing pooja today I was about to cry
this may sound silly so here is what happened
had urge to play game and I put the game I wanted to play on download
it was 1gb but then I cancelled the download when it was 21 % downloaded because I had a self talk asking myself do I want to go to my previous self of procrastinating work? playing mindlessly?
No right because I haven’t even detoxed for 90 days yet, I had thoughts to play inn control
but while doing puja had a flash back of how I wasted my time by mindlessly playing games and binge watching while I had to study and now I still have to finish my studies.

This + thinking of playing in moderation I just imagined myself wasting more time in future and so I was almost on the verge of crying but then I controlled myself.

That’s all about today…
Buhhbye

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12th January 2023
Today was okay day
nothing much happen
wasnt so productive because i got distracted…
thats all

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14th jan 2023
Today’s day wasnt easy for me
Like i was breaking my head to get the dopamine tbat i am used to getting
So i wasted a lot of time on youtube
And i would have relapsed
So here is what happened
I closed the door and was like ill relapse as i was not able to handle stress
But the same moment i said myself
I dont want to do it
It is not worth it
If i go out and sit on terrace or watch something ill get over this feeling
And that’s what i did
It was a matter of 5 seconds and i came back from the lion’s den

Havent been exercising or meditating for a while
Will do from tom
Btw after long time i was able to do 12 continuous push ups though last 2 were difficult
But way to go
Im happy and thats all

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Relapsed today
But wont give up
Back on track from now on…

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